Page 49 of Road Trip
It was my turn to take a deep breath. “Kelly, you’re carrying around a heavy burden, not to mention some post traumatic stress. You gotta let it out, baby, before you do something you’ll regret, and I think you would have regretted hitting him.”
“I definitely would have. I don’t know, Abra. It’s really hard sometimes, riding around doing my job, trying to intervene and make things safe, knowing that the majority of people you come in contact with hate you. Knowing the next traffic stop you could have a gun pulled on you, or get run over by a car, for goodness’ sake! It’s really hard. And what thanks do I get? None! I get covered in gasoline. I’m tired of it. I’m twenty-six years old and I’m living in a cesspool.”
His feelings poured out. I could see his shoulders relax a little, but his jaw was still clenched.
“You feel resentful of your work.”
“Heck yeah, I do. I’ve already given up so much to be a cop, and this is the payoff.”
“Payoff?”
He nodded, taking another breath. When he spoke his voice was much softer. “Fulfillment. I have wanted to be a police officer for as long as I can remember because I wanted to help people. I wanted to do right by people. I don’t know if anything I do makes even one iota of a difference and I don’t know if I want to feel like that anymore.”
The root of his crisis. “Can you think of any situations in which you did make a difference to someone? Even one person?” I rubbed the back of his neck.
“I’d say the trial, but that didn’t seem to work out too well for me. I helped put some really bad guys, some real predators, out of business. Manny and I have intervened a couple of times in domestic violence cases where the women were able to get out with their kids and get real help. Watching their faces as we drove away with their mom’s partner in the backseat, finally seeing hope, that was pretty powerful.”
I waited to see if he’d elaborate. When he didn’t, I offered a suggestion.
“Perhaps those are the situations you need to remind yourself of. Or, you need to take some time to decide whether this is the right place for you to try to help people. Use this time to ponder these thoughts. I’ll be here to watch out for you when you go to that place in your head. I promise next time I’ll keep you out of traffic.”
I hoped what I said made sense. When he pulled me into his arms and breathed against my hair, I figured I’d at least made a dent.
“When you say it, I can almost believe there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you.”
We rode the rides late into the night and held hands for the walk back to the hotel. Our third night together got quite steamy, but we kept our promise not to go all the way. It was tough. I wanted to beg for him to take me, but he was nowhere near in the right frame of mind. All of this foreplay, though, was creating some delicious friction. We’d need to work it out soon or we’d both combust.
Kelly
Our third day at Pacific Playland started out hot and heavy. I gave into my desire to wake her up with my body. She responded so enthusiastically, I drove her to completion twice in bed and once again in the shower using my hands and my mouth. She gave as good as she got, and I was beyond spent.
“It’s getting really hard.”
“I’ll say,” she snorted.
I groaned. “I want you so bad, Abra.”
“Me too. Tonight. After we see the show and ride the rides, I want to come back and ride you, babe.”
We agreed we needed to get cleaned up and away from the temptation of the bed, and we still had time to get to California Cruisin’ and ride the new race car ride. She dressed quickly, and we grabbed a couple of granola bars to munch on the way. We still had to wait an hour in line, but it was worth it to see her so giddy. I started fantasizing about what it might be like if we came here again someday. Like if we had kids and brought them here. If I wasn’t a cop anymore and I could live a normal life. Which brought a bitter end to that line of thinking.
In line we’d been behind a couple with twin boys who were not more than three. Their little voices and excitement were a joy to watch. It brought me back to the reason I’d wanted to come originally, to be in a place where the weight of the world would be off my shoulders for a while.
After that ride, we decided we needed real food, so we went to a New Orleans themed restaurant near the park and enjoyed a lovely brunch with live music. Abra tapped her feet and hummed along to some of the jazz standards. I was missing my guitar, but not at all ready to go home. I didn’t want this runaway to ever end.
“Have you ever been to New Orleans?” Abra asked me.
“Not yet. It’s on my list of places to visit. How about you?”
She shook her head and gave me a salacious grin.
“Hmmm, I’m thinking it needs to happen soon. Want to run away with me to New Orleans, babe?”
I pulled her chair close to me and wrapped my arms around her. “At this point, I’d go anywhere with you.”
She smiled and kissed my nose. “Then I’ve achieved my goal. I want to ensnare you so completely that you’ll run anywhere with me.” Her smile faded a little. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to assume…I know this isn’t…”
“I would, though,” I interjected. “I want you to assume. I want to be with you, Abra.”
