Page 63 of Road Trip
“She did. Being with her let me kind of forget about things for a while, although she was a great listener when I was ready to talk. I think I needed that. She’s a counselor, too. A high school counselor. She knew just how to handle me, when to give me space, and when to get me out of my head.” I knew our session was confidential, so I felt safe talking to her about my concerns.
“Being with her had me thinking about the job, though. Things have been really bad this past year and I sometimes wonder if I can keep going, or whether I even should. I can’t help but wonder if all this happened for a reason.”
She laced her hands over her knee. “Do you mean the actual job, or the life it brings with it?”
I understood what she meant. “Both. I sometimes worry about whether or not I have the tolerance or patience to keep dealing with these guys. I became a cop because I wanted to help people, not get beat up for doing my job.” I cleared my throat and leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees.
“I guess I’m also thinking about Abra. I’m thinking for the first time about a wife and kids, and I don’t know if it’s fair to put anyone through that. In the past I was willing to make the sacrifice, but now?” I shook my head and ran my hands over my face.
“I also haven’t had any sleep in the past twenty-four hours and I’m a little out of it,” I said with a laugh, somewhat to downplay what I’d just said.
I wasn’t fooling her.
“Or you are thinking more clearly? Officer Graham, your fears and concerns are valid, but have you shared them with Abra? Do you think she is in the same headspace?”
That was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it? “I don’t know. I feel like she’s tried to warn me off. Sometimes she holds me at arm’s length and I can tell she’s worried about something. But she said she wanted to spend more time together, maybe make a go of it. It’s all happened very fast, so I don’t really know.”
“You said your relationship progressed rapidly, and it sounds as though it was a very intense experience. Do you think your feelings were impacted by the trauma you experienced?”
“If you’re asking whether my feelings for her were inflated because of the situation, the answer to that is no. I know how I feel about her. I know what I want to happen right now, and that’s to make her a permanent part of my life. But I guess I’m about to find out if this relationship can survive real life.”
