Page 97 of Road Trip
“Thank you. Now, what do you think? Is the only reason you asked me to leave because you think I’m going to leave? Is there anything else that’s bothering you?”
She shook her head against my chest. “No. Things have just been great with you, shitty with everything else, and I’ve just been waiting for the shitty to take over. I didn’t want what we’ve got getting grimy, and it fucking did. You’re too precious to get all grimy.”
“Abra, I’m not such a neat freak that a little dirt will drive me away.” I knew that would make her laugh. We’d had plenty of play fights about my fastidiousness. Just two nights before, she’d caught me on my knees in the bathroom with a toothbrush cleaning the grout. She’d kicked my ass and then sat on me while I finished the floor, teasing me the whole time.She thought it was hilarious, and since I knew she loved me anyway, I let her tease me. It usually worked out well for me in the end. We were all about the payoff.
“I’m just feeling myself slipping, you know,” she said, the humor leaving her voice.
I knew what she was afraid of. I thought back to the night she’d told me she was afraid. I still struggled with how to tell her that it didn’t matter to me, that I’d be with her. But I had questions, too. Would she be like her mother at that age? I couldn’t see it happening, refused to entertain that scenario. I’d even spoken to Gran, or Bettina as she’d finally convinced me to call her instead of ‘ma’am.’
“Our Abra is very different from her mother,” she’d told me. “From day one she’s been independent and wanted to do everything for herself. Her mother was doted on always. I blame my husband mostly. It’s easy to do now that he’s gone,” she’d said with a laugh. “He never told her no, never backed me up...when she got sick, he was beside himself and vowed to do whatever was necessary. Honestly, by that time all we could do was hope the drugs would maintain her. Now, she’s not got long. Either she’s going to give up, or she’s going to die from the drugs they’ve given her for all these years. She’s not well. I know Abra will have mixed feelings when she passes. I’m at peace with it because I know thenshe’llfinally find peace. I just want Abra to find her peace, and you’ve made such a huge difference in her life, I think she just might have finally found it.”
Bettina was so kind. I promised her I would not let Abra push me away easily. It was a promise to Bettina as much as to Abra and myself. Nothing had diminished my desire to keep this woman by my side, no matter how dirty things were or might get.
