Page 9 of Sundowners
“Yeah, yeah. I’m coming.”
I hooked the leash on her collar and she waited for me to open the door before she stepped gracefully outside. She climbed the concrete steps that led from the door of my basement apartment to our quiet street, pausing to glance around before stepping onto the sidewalk.
The sky was filled with popcorn clouds and the hazy orange glow of sunset. We walked the couple of blocks to Lighthouse Point and I breathed in the ocean air. For so long I’d wandered the interior of the country, looking for signs that those I pursued had passed through, and I’d felt stifled. Coming to Santa Cruz was like arriving in paradise. I didn’t want to think it was temporary.
I watched the surfers finishing up their evening sessions, and Rhonda and I attracted attention as we walked by. She made heads turn, for sure, and then when people spotted me, they’d have a secret smile. I’d been told for years that I had a “youthful aura and naturally handsome features.” I didn’t necessarily disagree; it allowed me to attract folks when I needed to.
I didn’t require an Exchange at the moment, but I frequently toyed with the idea. It would be so easy to succumb to temptation, but the skills and traits that I’d learned from The Source were meant for a higher purpose. Celibacy wasn’t required, but I’d spent a long time living like a monk to protect myself and remain strong enough to provide for those who needed my gift.Look but don’t touch…I needed that reminder.
However, an opportunity to glean a little positive energy presented itself as we walked down the hill towards the pier and the beach at the Boardwalk.
Nestled inside a sleeping bag, a couple giggled and fumbled in the increasing darkness. I always tried to be discreet, but I was drawn in by the energy their bodies produced like a junkie looking for my next fix. It wasn’t one of my proudest life hacks. The excessive amounts of dopamine and adrenaline released during sex gave me a high that would carry me for days. I wouldn’t need an Exchange to keep up my strength for some time.
I lingered for just a short time before moving on. Rhonda and I strolled along the water’s edge, and I was totally lost in thought. Rhonda pulled as far as she could to the left, staying out of the water and sneering at the waves as they came close to her. Several groups gathered, wrapped in blankets to ward off the chill. Joints were passed, songs were sung, and I enjoyed the vibe.
Then I stopped short as we neared the southern end of the beach.
I’d seen this group of spiritualists before, and at first I’d thought I’d found what I was looking for. They dressed in white linen and prayed together, combining yoga and meditation in their practice. I’d even been approached by the group, and I’d unintentionally drifted near enough this time to be noticed.
“Would you like to join us?”
I pulled Rhonda a little closer, as she was on high alert. She wasn’t too fond of people getting close to her master.
“Thanks, I’m good. You have a pleasant evening.”
The man grinned. “I’ve seen you around. You’re welcome to watch, if that feels more comfortable to you. Namaste.”
The man pressed his hands together and bowed. I nodded back and tugged Rhonda over to some rocks that butted up against the base of the Boardwalk, where we sat down. I watched the waves come in and out and tried to focus my breathing, anything to slow my mind down.
Memories washed over me like the incoming tide.
1970
“Come on, Creed. It’ll be great. I talked to the guy this morning. I’m ready to get out of this hell.”
My best friend Muse and I had worn out our welcome at the flophouse in the Haight. It was time to move on, anyway. More people were overdosing on heroin than fighting for peace, love, and happiness, and I couldn’t take the heartache. I’d watched several of my fellow runaways go that way over the past year, and I’d sworn I wouldn’t be next. Me and Muse were the only two who’d stayed away from the hard stuff, but Muse had been spending time with a dealer who was known for using his girls for profit, and I didn’t want to see that happen to her at sixteen years old. I wanted to protect her.
“There’s a van leaving for the compound soon. I guess it’s up in the hills about fifty miles south of here. I talked to the guy and he said we could both come as long as we were open-minded, willing to work, and discreet. It sounds really cool, man. They play music and study spiritualism.”
I was uneasy hearing her plan. I’d had my share of religion as a child. My mother was Baptist, my father Catholic, their own parents refused to sanction their marriage, and then the two of them fought over which faith they would teach their children.
I saw the hypocrisy of both, but learned enough to use it as a weapon. When it came time to register for the draft in 1968, I knew exactly what to say to receive a Conscientious Objector status. Once I was clear, I hit the road and never looked back. Well, never wasn’t exactly true. I looked back on my decisions plenty.
“I don’t know how I feel about this,” I said to Muse. “I’ve done my time with religious oppression.”
Muse tugged on my shirt. “It’s not like that, man. They teach a higher level of consciousness through meditation. Cross said they’ll teach us about healing people and stuff. Come on, it’ll be great.”
I could still see her smiling face urging me to join her. The decision to board the van changed both of our lives irrevocably. I wished she were here with me right now.
Instead, I was hunting those who were responsible for all we’d lost.
* * *
The sky had growndark while I was caught in a loop of memories and the spiritualists were wrapping up their evening prayers. The man who spoke to me waved and trotted over.
“Here,” he said, handing me a business card. “If you ever want to visit. Our temple isn’t too far from here.”
I looked at the card.Fellowship of the Setting Sun. The pain in my chest was nearly overwhelming.The name was similar, but these folks were innocent. They weren’t following The Way.
