Page 47 of Feuds and Interludes
My eyes flared. “What? No, Shane?—”
“You think I give a shit about how beautiful you are? How talented you are? I keep asking myself ‘how did I not see you?’ Because you are so much more than who you show the world. You let me see the real you, andthat’swhy you’re perfect in my eyes. You’re messy. You’re a mood swing waiting to happen. You are a brat. You’re bossy.”
I didn’t back up as he approached me, calling me on my bullshit. He ran a finger down my cheek and lifted my chin.
“If that’s your idea of perfect?—”
“You have a brilliant mind.” He pushed me up against the tree. “You are so thoughtful. You’re flexible, adaptable to situations I can barely stand, and you handle everything thrown at you with grace?—”
“Except diabetes. God, I need a smoke?—”
“You drive me crazy,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss me. “You’re so goddamned seductive I can barely think. You taste like heaven. You make me want to get all deep up inside you and never let go.”
I shuddered under his touch, under the brush of his lips against mine as he spoke.
“Fuck, Shane. What?—”
“I don’t care who knows, Boone. Do you?”
He pulled back just enough to stare into my eyes. I had a feeling he was just as nervous hearing my answer as he was to admit that.
“No. I told you. I’m honored you’d want to be with me. I continue to be gobsmacked by this development—you and me—but I’m honored.”
“There’s nothing honorable about the things I want to do to you,” he admitted in a husky voice.
“I think you made that clear with all the hickeys.”
He breathed a laugh before pressing his lips gently to mine. “Don’t break me, Boone. Please. If we do this…don’t break me.”
I put my hands on his face. “I would never. Shane?—”
He went all in with his tongue then, probably to keep me from answering him. I got the sense that the last admission was not one he’d been ready to make to me.
I needed to be so careful with this man.
He lifted my leg up to hook on his hip and he ground his hard cock against mine. God, I didn’t care if anyone was watching, I wanted him to fuck me right there. I wanted him to fuck away all the bad in my past as he thrust so deep inside me, like he’d promised to do. I wanted him to replace all of my painful memories of sex with new ones, good ones. He was the right man to do it.
I hadn’t given my heart or my body to anyone in a long time, and never like this. If he thought I could break him, he had no idea how thoroughly he could destroy me.
Seventeen
Shane
My heart thudded in my chest as I realized how much I’d revealed of myself to Boone. It wasn’t that I hadn’t been close to people before, but never another musician, never one I respected like I did Boone. I’d chosen safe men in the past, ones who couldn’t touch my core, the part of me where creation came from, where I held in all of my truths and fears. Boone had already clawed his way in, and I’d thrown the doors open for him in response.
The truth was that I wanted him to be a safe space, but that didn’t mean he would be. Well, it was out there now, my fucking scaredy-cat truth. We’d see what he’d do with it.
My grandfather’s actions in his life were clearer to me now. I didn’t know whether he ever had feelings for John Boone more than as a best friend, but I wondered if maybe he might have. It would explain why he’d tolerated all of the heartache, if only to get close to this type of harmony with another person. I didn’t doubt that he’d loved Vera Jean, continued to love her after all these years, but if John was anything like Boone, so vibrant,honest, and compelling…queer or not, their relationship made a bit more sense to me now. Not only did I want to fuck Boone, but I wanted to make music with him—which, to me, was an even bigger revelation.
I didn’t make music with other people. I played in bands, but that wasn’t the same thing. Letting someone in on my creative process was too intimate, too close. The only person I’d ever written with was Pops. My talk with Lydia yesterday had been a huge step, and she’d been so careful with me. Probably I wasn’t the first hotheaded, control freak, megalomaniac songwriter she’d ever dealt with.
Damn, that made me sound even more like my mother. Maybe I owed her, not quite an apology, but a little empathy.
Boone shivered and curled up against my chest. “You want to take this someplace a little warmer?” His teeth started chattering, and he had goose bumps all over his chest where I was currently exploring.
“I’m sorry. Yeah, let’s go.” I pulled him against me, hating any separation. What the hell was I going to do when it was time to leave here?
“Let me text Gran and tell her we’ll see them for dinner tomorrow.” He pulled out his phone and then shoved it back in his pants with a grin. “We may need to stop at REI, though, so I can get a fuckton of turtlenecks. Gran will give me so much shit about these love bites. Do you know Leland sang every song about love bites ever written all day today?”
