Page 100 of Incubus
When Sasha’s lips went slack, Nathan pulled away, hating how dim those blue eyes looked now, like fragilehumaneyes. Sasha’s mouth quivered and Nathan knew he was trying to say something, maybe Nathan’s name again, maybe something else, but it didn’t matter. Nathan just nodded, holding Sasha there, his body, his face,holding him.
The change was so abrupt, so final. Sasha was dead weight in Nathan’s arms for real, his head falling back, eyes closing, and as he hung in Nathan’s arms, he began to shift. The glamours couldn’t hold. Soon Nathan was holding Sasha the incubus in Sasha the seal’s clothing. It would have been funny to see him like that if it had been any other moment.
“No…you…you’re okay….you’re going to be okay…” Nathan said barely audible, thinking of Jim, of Sasha, of Jim, ofSasha.
Not again, God damn it, not again!
Not the same way. Not for the same reason. Not because Nathan wasn't there when he was needed.
“I thought I understood when it was just your brother,” Gabriel said, his voice dim to Nathan’s ears amidst his grieving. “But this?Nathan.”
The condescending tone made Nathan growl low in his throat as he turned to look back, seeing that Gabriel was on his feet again.
“I was wrong, Nathan, and I’m sorry for that. It seems you aren't worth saving after all.”
For a moment, Nathan agreed so whole-heartedly he couldn’t think of anything to say. “You didn’t know him,” he said finally, on his knees still so he could feel the weight of Sasha’s body against him, solid and heavy and limp. “You didn’t know Sasha. Or my brother. You don’t know me. You don’t know…anything.”
“I’m sorry, Nathan. Truly,” Gabriel said and, if Nathan had cared to really listen, he might have heard that there was some truth to those words, however jaded. “I am sorry. But this was your last chance.”
Nathan looked up into the barrel of another gun—hisgun, which he must have lost when he crumbled to the floor with Sasha. Nathan should have cared that it was pointed at him. He should havecared.
But, in that moment, he couldn't feel anything.
Chapter 39
Hellcouldn’tbeworsethan this. Thanlife. It just couldn’t.
Nathan knew he had to move. Gabriel had a gun in his face. But all Nathan could think about was the piece of metal sticking out of Sasha's chest.
Don’t think, Nathan thought frantically.Don’t think. Don’t think about how you failed. Don’t think about how you let him die. Don’t think, don’t think, don’t think.
“Nathan.”
Nathan looked to the side only because the voice was Walter’s and it grounded him somehow to hear something familiar. The image of Walter standing there so close was almost more painfulbecauseit grounded him—the plain and simple clothing, dark blonde hair a bit of a mess, warm brown eyes looking on with grief and sympathy.
“I’m here,” Walter said, kneeling down and reaching out like he might succeed this time when he tried to touch Nathan. “You can’t give up, Nathan. You can’t.”
But Nathan already had.
"Nathan please," Walter pleaded.
"Nathan!"
The shock that spread over Gabriel's face when Nathan turned back was not because a new voice had joined them, but merely a brief warning before Gabriel went flying away into the shelves like he had been struck. The picture changed in front of Nathan, a blur, movement, and he heard the sound of Gabriel’s gun clatter to the floor.
Don’t think, don’t think, don’t think.
“Nathan!” Jim called again.
No, no, no.
Gabriel was down and Nathan was saved, but that made it real. It meant Nathan had to turn and look down again. It meant he had to turn and see Sasha lying there.
“Oh, god. Oh, god,Nathan,” Jim said. He must have seen Sasha, his limp body leaning up against Nathan’s legs.
Nathan wouldn’t turn to look, couldn’t let it be real, couldn’t believe it.
“Nathan, please…” Jim was beseeching now, on his knees in front of Nathan, trying to pull Nathan into his chest.
