Page 101 of Incubus
Nathan let it happen, let him get drawn away from the body lying beside him until he couldn’t feel Sasha at all anymore. Jim was hugging him tight, too tight, and before Nathan could stop himself, hewasthinking about it, and trying to breathe, and god, oh god, it was real, it was real.
Something hitched in Nathan’s throat, caught, choked there. He did more than cling to Jim, he clawed, fingers digging bruises into Jim’s shoulder blades, while the side of his face pressed against Jim’s neck.
“Jim…”
“Nathan…oh god,Nathan…”
That seemed to be all Jim could say. It was all Nathan could think.
Oh god, oh god, oh god.
But Nathan had never believed in a god. There was only this. This world. This Hell. Nothing else mattered. They had known Sasha for such a short time, but there were so few people in their lives they could count as friends, asimportant, and they had lost so much already. Distantly, Nathan also knew that, without Sasha, there was no way to save him now.
“Nathan.” Jim was desperate, begging for a response, any response more than Nathan pounding his back with angry fists and shaking in his arms.
Nathan obeyed, not because he chose to, not because he wanted to, but because, if he didn’t find words to form his thoughts into, he wouldn’t be able to stand it. “The same thing,” Nathan growled into Jim’s shoulder. “It was the same…god damn thing. I was…I was right…there. I was…right…there. But I…I couldn’t do anything. God damn it, it…it was the same…the same damn thing…as losingyou.”
Only it was worse because Sasha wasn’t just taken, and Nathan had been even closer; he had been the one to call out and make Sasha lose his focus.
“Nathan…Nathan, please, just…just…” Jim trailed. He couldn’t say anything. He couldn’t comfort Nathan when he was just as angry, just as fiercely sad.
They couldn’t take another loss, not again, not after Mom and Dad, not afterJim. Jim knew that too. Of course he knew.
“Nathan,” Walter said, close behind them.
“No.” Nathan didn’t want to hear it. He wanted to push Jim away now, wanted to stop clinging so tight, stop the tears thatwere starting to fall. He wouldn’t ever be able to stop if he kept on like this. He wouldn’t be able tostop.
“Nathan, please listen,” Walter pressed.
“Wait,” Jim echoed, “listen to me, Nathan. Are you...are you sure Sasha is dead?”
The question stung, to hear the words ‘Sasha’ and ‘dead’ said aloud, but also because it was so ridiculous, so unnecessary.
“Nathan.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Nathan grit out, at once angry and yet suddenly filled with a tiny spark of hope. He tried to push Jim away but ended up keeping a grip on the shoulders of Jim’s shirt that was cold from being outside without a jacket.
Jim’s eyes were clear, almost completely free from the haze of alcohol, and they stared certainly and dry despite the tears staining Jim’s cheeks. “Nathan, are you sure?” Jim said again, glancing around Nathan and looking at Sasha with pained eyes. He turned back to Nathan just as certain. “It looks bad, I know, but...Nathan…I think he’sbreathing.”
“What…?”
No amount of wanting to escape the truth could keep Nathan from turning back and looking down at Sasha’s still body. He hated to see it, to see incubus Sasha in jeans, a torn T-shirt, and a ruined leather jacket from where the glamours could no longer protect it and wings pushed through the back. Sasha’s shoes had torn open too, his taloned feet sticking out in places and looking squished.
But all those tell-tale signs—the metal sticking out of Sasha’s chest, the faded glamours, the closed eyes, the limp body—meant nothing as Nathan saw just as assuredly as Jim had the slow rise and fall as Sasha breathed.
He was breathing.
“He’s not dead…” Nathan said in something of a haze. He crawled closer to Sasha’s side, turning back to Jim who movedup next to him. Nathan’s tears were completely dry but his hands still shook as he reached out to touch Sasha’s forehead.
He was warm.
“Walter?” Nathan looked to his Spirit Guide. “If you know anything,please.”
Walter moved to be opposite Nathan on Sasha’s other side. He looked down at Sasha intensely as if trying to look through him. “Something is different, but I…I’m sorry, Nathan, I cannot tell what it is that is keeping him alive.”
“What about the antidote?” Jim asked.
“The antidote,” Nathan nodded, but then looked up at Jim with a sudden pained cry. “Your jacket! It’s still out in that other alley!”
