Page 87 of Incubus
"Do you know what I always remember most about Alex?"
Nathan faltered, surprised that Jim would bring up Alex on his own. "Uh...no. What do you remember?"
"I remember that she was the only one who was ever excited that I was a changeling. She wasn't scared, or wary, or just tolerant like everybody else, she thought it was...cool. She thought that one day I could use my powers to be...some kind of superhero." Jim smiled, but Nathan caught a glimmer of a tear streak down his cheek. “I don’t want them to take you, Nathan. I don’t want them to have claim over any of us. But lately I’ve been wondering…even with my powers…if I’ll be able to save you at all.”
“Jim," Nathan said, touching a hand to his brother's arm. "You have to stop thinking like that. I knew what I was getting myself into. I'm just doing my job here, looking out for my brother. That's as much as I expect from you either, not miracles.”
Jim wiped at his eyes, nodding like he understood what Nathan meant, but his expression said he didn't. "Right, no miracles. I just feel like...we'redue, you know? But I should have known better. Why do you think Mom gave you Dad's ring instead of me? Because she knew you'd be the one to carry on.You have to carry on, Nate. You have to make the hard decisions. I can't. I can't...dothis."
Nathan felt his body jerk forward, instinctually wanting to pull his brother in for an embrace, but he didn't. He needed Jim to be strong. "I have faith in you, Jim. So did Mom. She only gave me the ring because I was standing closer to her, not because she thought you weren't worthy. You're not going to Awaken. And...even if you do, you're stronger than whatever it will do to you. I believe that. Iknowit."
Another shimmer of light streaked down Jim's face but, when he turned to Nathan, his eyes were clear. "Really?"
"We can do this, Jim," Nathan assured him. "I'm not gone yet, and you're still you."
"I guess that's true. And...there's Sasha."
"Sure," Nathan nodded, "there's Sasha. He's a good guy. I'm glad he's with us."
"Yeah...I can tell. That's why..." Jim sniffed back the last of his tears and smiled, "I’m thinking I deserve some kind of brotherly sainthood for this past week.”
Nathan stared at his brother, not understanding. “What for?"
“You know. For not bringing it up yet.”
A chill shot down Nathan's spine.
It.
“Of course I was hoping you’d talk to me yourself,” Jim went on, standing very close beside Nathan so that their arms were touching, giving Nathan barely any room to squirm. “Guess I should have known better, huh?”
“Jim…”
“You didn’t really think I hadn’t noticed, did you?”
“Noticed…what?”
Although Nathan stared down at the railing instead of looking at Jim, he knew what expression his brother was wearing, that‘really, Nathan?’look like Nathan must be out of his mind for trying to swindle Jim when the jig was clearly up.
“Come on, Nate, you two haven't exactly been covert.”
Sure we were, Nathan thought, he had made certain of it. At least, he thought he had. But Sasha kept him so distracted.
Shit.
“It's okay, Nate,” Jim said with traces of humor in his voice that, under normal circumstances, would have been a comfort. “I’m only grossed out on principle, because you’re my brother and he’s our friend. As long as this isn’t, you know, you sewing some really strange wild oats before you die or something.”
“Hey!” Nathan said, pushing Jim away from him.
Jim raised his hands in defense, still smiling. “I know that’s not it, I’m just saying. I thought I was going crazy back at the Gatehouse when Alex and I came in and you were on Sasha’s bed. That's why I thought you were leading him on. But you can only tell yourself ‘I’m probably imagining it’ for so long.”
“Shut up,” Nathan said, miserable for a different reason now as he hid his face in his hands and leaned over the railing.
Jim laughed, honestly laughed, and it wasn’t cruel or haunting like it had been in Nathan’s dream. “Okay, I’m sorry. I know nothing. Just an oblivious bystander until you’re ready to look me in the eyes again. I don’t…I don’t really know what I think. How I feel about it. I just know it doesn’t…bother me. That’s saying something, isn’t it?” Jim’s voice was tender, and Nathan didn’t feel quite like running for the hills in embarrassment.
He peeked out of his hands and saw how benign Jim’s expression was, just there, present and there for him without any of those overpowering emotions making it hard for Nathan to meet his brother’s gaze. “Yeah,” Nathan said. “But...can you maybe—”
“Never bring it up again?”
