Page 51 of Changing Tides
Marianne turned and rested a hand on their upper arm. “You don’t have to cut your own hair, Joey. It’s not expensive.”
They felt the squirming feeling inside that accompanied conversations like this. But they trusted Marianne, and DocScott kept telling them the importance of not bottling up their feelings.
“It not about the cost.”
“What, then?”
They wished their life was like Marianne’s, where who she was fitted in seamlessly with what the world expected. But they wanted her to understand.
“The whole process is so gendered. If I go to Margaret on the island, she deadnames me and tries to make my hair ‘more feminine’. If I go to the barbers on the mainland, they cut it too short. It’s just easier to trim it myself.”
Marianne’s eyes widened. “What if I fix it for you for now? And when I eventually force myself to go back to Dublin and see my mother, you should come up with me and I’ll take you to an amazing barber.”
“You came round to show me your footage, not to give me a haircut.” The subject was making them uncomfortable and the thought of Marianne getting close enough to cut their bangs was enough to freak them out.
When Marianne reached out, they instinctively pulled back. The sadness in Marianne’s eyes made them feel ashamed.
Marianne moved back on the couch and gave them some space. “You’re safe with me, Joey. I hope you know that.”
“Sorry, I know. It’s just…complicated.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
The compassion in her voice was too much, and Joey jumped up. “Another beer?”
“I can’t, I need to pick up Denny in an hour.” She stood. “Would you prefer I leave? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
Marianne had chosen to spend a precious free evening with Joey, and all they could do was make things awkward.
“Please stay.” They filled the kettle and set it to boil. Perhaps a cup of tea was a better idea.
When they returned, Marianne was perched at the end of the couch.
“What would you like to talk about?”
Joey blinked and thought hard. “Well, I don’t know much about you other than what I’ve seen on TV and your time at Batiya with Amira. Were you born in Dublin?”
Her smile was gentle. “I’m always happy to talk about myself. Yes, I was born in a working-class neighborhood in Dublin. My dad was a worker in a large bakery. My mum didn’t work. We could’ve done with the money, but she had ideas above our income.”
Joey nodded. Marianne didn’t sound like she had been brought up in a working-class area.
“Then when I was ten, my dad died in…a horrendous workplace accident. It should never have happened, and the employer was found liable.” She blinked a few times.
Joey took her hand without thinking. “I’m so sorry. Are you sure you want to talk about it?”
She shook herself. “It was a long time ago, but I don’t talk about it often. I’m fine.” She squeezed Joey’s hand. “And my mum got this massive payout. Like, really big. It transformed our lives, and she got to live the life she’d always wanted.” She paused. “Sometimes it felt as though she was almost relieved my dad had died. It was hard to grieve around her.”
“That must have been hard at such a young age.”
“Yeah. And we moved to a more salubrious neighborhood, and I lost all my friends.” Marianne sighed. “But on the upside, I got a very good private education, and when I wanted to go to culinary school, it wasn’t a problem to spend two years in Paris.”
“And are you close to your mum now?”
“My business went under, and my marriage broke down nearly two months ago and I still haven’t seen her, so I’m sure you can figure it out.” She shook her head. “Sorry, I don’t mean to sound bitter. We love each other. She’s just not the easiest person to be around.”
Well, that got heavy quickly.“I’ll make tea.” Joey busied themself for a few minutes and wondered what they should share with Marianne in return. She had trusted them with information about her life and it only felt fair to do the same.
They passed Marianne a mug and returned to their seat.
