Page 89 of Changing Tides
“Well, I like it.” She moved to a corner where there was a makeshift kitchen, simple but functional.
“Do you stay here a lot?”
“Not as much as I used to. I come over to swim with Kasia, occasionally.” They indicated an immense fireplace that took up most of the back wall. “The fire heats water from the well so we can shower here, but there’s no power, so at night it’s really dark.”
Marianne pulled open a door and found herself in a tiny bedroom. She backed out quickly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”
“It’s fine. There’s not much to see. There’s a wet room in the back there that I added a few years ago along with the kitchen. Makes it a bit more comfortable.”
They moved logs around by the fire. “I’ll get this going and it’ll be nice and warm for Denny when we get back. I’m guessing he’ll want to go in the sea?”
Mari laughed. “Of course. I brought his wetsuit, so hopefully his clothes will be dry to go home in. But there’s never any guarantees with Denny.”
She quickly dressed Denny for his beach trip while Joey fixed the fire. She hoped they could talk soon. The comfortable cloud of spending time with Denny and Joey was only lightly covering a mountain of uncertainty and doubt.
Joey led them down onto the long strip of silver sand. “We won’t walk the whole island, just to the tip and back along the beach.”
They’d kicked off their boots and stripped down to some board shorts and a worn-out T-shirt. Marianne kept her hoodie on to protect against the chill of the breeze but rolled up her jeans in case she needed to run into the sea after Denny.
She let go of Denny’s hand and he took off across the beach. “At that rate, he won’t last long.”
She moved in closer to Joey, wary of touching them, but needing the contact. “Can we talk now? This is killing me. I need to know where we stand, Joey.”
They didn’t turn, so she pulled their arm, bringing them to a standstill.
Joey opened their mouth, then the quiet was broken by a piercing shriek from Denny, who was sitting on the beach trying to rub wet sand from his hands.
“He’s fine. We’ll wash them for him in a minute.”
Joey turned. “I’ll go and sort him out, and then I’ll be back.”
They took off at a sprint and Marianne felt a pressure in her chest, making it hard to breathe. If Joey wasn’t even prepared to talk about their future, how did they have any chance of one? She trudged toward the two figures further down the beach. Joeycarefully lifted Denny over the edge of the water so he could clean his hands without getting too wet. It could be a perfect scenario, but if Joey didn’t want this—them—maybe she should just pack up and head back to the city.
THIRTY-SIX
Joey driedoff Denny’s hands on their T-shirt and placed him on his feet. “Don’t pick up the sand. When we get back, I’ll find you a spade to dig.”
“Dig, dig,” shouted Denny and ran back toward his mama.
Joey stood for a moment, shading their eyes to see Marianne walk toward them. Their stomach clenched with feeling when she scrubbed her hand through her hair, her shoulders drooping. They didn’t want to cause her any distress. What had they even wanted from today? One last chance of a perfect day?
As soon as they talked, and Marianne mentioned leaving, the illusion would shatter, and the cold, harsh reality of losing Marianne, and being alone once more, would emerge. There’d be no going back.
But this was childish. And cruel to drag it out. They needed to face up to the future and accept it. They caught up with Denny before he reached Marianne and scooped him up as he shrieked. They swung him above their head and down low toward the sand. Denny wriggled and giggled until Joey handed him over to Mari.
“You spoil him. He’s coming to expect this level of entertainment continuously.” Marianne’s eyes held a glimmerof…was it sadness? Because it would soon be over. She put Denny back onto the sand and he immediately ran off again.
“Let him play.” She swung around and took Joey’s hands in hers. “Talk to me. Now.”
Joey looked around the beach. They’d been hoping to have this conversation back near the tower where they could retreat when things turned sad. But here they were in the middle of the expanse of sand with nowhere to hide.
Marianne released a hand, and cupped Joey’s chin, tilting it down so they had to look her in the eyes. The pale blue wasn’t icy today; it was soft like the sky on a warm summer’s day.
“What are you afraid of?” She shook her head. “No. What do you want?”
Her fingers traced Joey’s jawline and though Joey wanted to pull away from the intimacy, they leaned into it. If this was the last touch they were going to get, they needed to take all the comfort they could.
They closed their eyes and leaned into Marianne’s forehead. “I want this. You, us, Denny. Here and now and forever. But I know I can’t have it. Have you. Because you’ve got this amazing other life that you’ve worked so hard for. And everyone admires you and your work. You can have everything back in Dublin, Mari. How could I expect you to give that up for…” Their sinuses stung with the effort not to let the tears run.
