Page 43 of Harbor Lights

The question was asked lightheartedly but Shiv wondered if she imagined an undertone of wistfulness. “She’s just very… I don’t have a type. Proximity was always my main selection method.”

Shit, that sounded sleazy as hell. Con blinked, but her expression remained blank.

“I mean, when I was on the road, I usually just hooked—got together—with other folks who were around.”

That wasn’t any better. Shiv rubbed her face. Maybe she wasn’t cut out to have nice meals with doctors and make civilized conversation.

Con’s lips spread in a gentle smile. “You’ve had such a different life from me. Did you ever have a serious relationship?”

Shiv picked at her food. “Not really. There was a girl when I was nineteen. I thought it was serious. She didn’t. I never tried again.” She needed to turn this conversation around. “How about you? How long were you with your ex?”

Con’s smile disappeared. “A long time.”

Shiv regretted asking now, but it should be Con’s choice to move the conversation on if she didn’t want to talk about it. She tore some bread from a roll and chewed on it, not taking her eyes from Con’s face, watching the emotions ripple across it.

Con rolled her neck. “We met in her first year at college. I’d already been there a couple of years and had some more to go. She was studying literature. I thought she was very sophisticated.”

“But you were a medical student. That’s a pretty important vocation.”

“Yeah, but I was there to study, to get the qualifications I needed to pursue my career. Majella was there to experience student life. She was involved in everything, and when there weren’t classes to go to, she sat discussing ideas with her friends until the early hours. I thought she was so cool.”

“How did you know she liked you?”

Con didn’t answer immediately as their next course was delivered, and she poured more wine. She selected a piece of fish. “Mmm. So good.”

Shiv tasted her own dish as she waited.

After a couple more bites, Con twirled her fork. “She made it very obvious, while also expecting me to do all the asking.”

“Like a proper butch should.” Shiv grinned, imagining a teenage Con navigating university life.

“I… didn’t really understand some of the dynamics to begin with. I’d always just been me, and the way I presented was what felt right to me. I didn’t have a name for it. But Majella introduced me to this whole community of butches and femmes, and suddenly I wasn’t a solitary freak. It was as though I’d found my place, so I leaned into it.”

When Con picked up more fish, Shiv took the opportunity to tuck into the eggplant dish. The flavors were divine.

“How long were you together?”

“Nearly twenty-five years.”

Shiv tried to stop the shock reaching her face.

Con’s smile held no humor. “I know. Like I said, a long time.”

No wonder her life was still intertwined with this woman. “It must’ve been hard after so long together. Was it a mutual decision?”

Con barked a humorless laugh. “No, it was not. Audrey was a visiting professor at the university. Majella swore nothing went on before we split, but when Audrey returned to England, Majella went with her. She said it was difficult for her, too, but she didn’t look too fucking sad.”

Con blinked and Shiv felt her chest tighten in empathy.

“Sorry. I convince myself I got over it years ago, but there are some unresolved issues. You don’t need to hear this nonsense.” She started to eat again.

“I’m interested.”

“In my sad romantic history?” Con was focusing on her food now.

“In you.”Shit, too much.“I mean, in who you are. How you got here. You tell this story of always being the village doctor, like your father before you, but no one’s life is that simple.”

She picked at her food, but she wanted to understand Con better, and this conversation was enlightening.

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