Page 45 of Harbor Lights

Shiv pulled on her jacket, suddenly very aware of the paint stains and worn collar alongside the fine wool of Con’s long coat. “Did you call Christy?”

“He’ll meet me at the quay in ten minutes.”

“I’ll walk down with you.”

Con shook her head, smiling. “You don’t need to. I know the way.”

“You’ve had a bottle of wine. It would be irresponsible of me to leave you to walk down there in the dark alone.” Shiv was only half joking. Con wasn’t showing the effects of drinking so much, but Shiv wanted to keep her safe.

Side by side, they walked down the dark hill. Shiv pulled out the powerful headlamp she’d need for her walk home and lit their way. No moon was out tonight, so it was as dark as it got.

“Thank you for the meal.” She breathed in. “And thanks for not making a big deal of me not wanting to be filmed.”

“I’d almost forgotten about that.” Con bumped shoulders with her. “You’ve told me about the problems you’ve had. I doubt even Marianne has transatlantic reach, but I understand why you want to be careful.”

“Well, I appreciate it.” They reached the deserted stone quay. Lights bobbed on the water where boats were moored and the glow of the Waterside lit the sky to one side, but out to sea, it was inky black. There was no sign of Christy. Shiv was torn between not wanting the evening to end and desperation to escape the icy wind tearing through the fabric of her coat. She should’ve worn the coat Joey gave her, but it felt a little too outdoor wear for a dinner date. She looked down at her threadbare jacket. Like this was any smarter. She couldn’t suppress the shudder that ran through her.

“If you insist on keeping me company, at least let me keep you warm.” Con opened her coat with her pocketed hands and enfolded Shiv within it. She stiffened for a moment, but then allowed herself to relax into Con’s soft warmth.

She tipped her head to look up, just as Con tilted hers down. Their lips almost brushed, but neither of them moved away. Shiv’s body filled with a heat that had nothing to do with the wool that enveloped her. She moved a fraction and placed her lips on Con’s. For a moment, there was no reaction. Then Con’s warm mouth opened to let her in. She tasted of wine and safety.

Shiv twisted in her arms and reached with one hand to pull Con closer. She ran her fingers up through the short hair on Con’s neck until she could grasp the longer curls.

Con groaned into her mouth, and she explored her with her tongue. Everything else faded as her entire body reacted to the sensations. She pushed her body into Con’s, propelling her back against the cold sea wall, wishing there was somewhere nearby where she could show her exactly how much she wanted her.

When Con pulled away, Shiv gasped, her head swirling with sensations. She had no idea how long their kiss had lasted. It could have been seconds or an hour, she had been so in the emotion of it.

Con released her suddenly, and the cold wind hit her, driving out the heat in a second.

“I’m sorry.” She stood back, wondering what had changed so quickly.

“I don’t think… ” Con ran a hand over her face. “It’s not… ” She sucked in a breath.

Reality hit Shiv like a bucket of cold water. Of course, Con didn’t want this. Not with a skinny little ex-con who couldn’t even afford a proper coat. White light washed over the rough stones of the quay, and she spun to see car headlights moving closer.

“There’s Christy for you now. Catch you later.” Shiv took off at a jog without turning to see Con’s face. She didn’t want to see the regret, or worse, revulsion, when Con realized what she’d done.

She ran the whole way back to the cottage, her head-torch lighting the way on front of her on the rocky ground. She moved too fast to be completely safe but somehow, she reached the door in one piece, breathless and trying to hold back the sobs.

This was what happened when she let herself get soft. Tomorrow, she’d start again, putting all her energy into fascist hunting and getting stronger. She’d wasted too much energy on fancy meals with smartly dressed doctors.

But later, as she lay in bed shivering after an enforced cold shower, she couldn’t stop her thoughts drifting back to the feel of Con’s soft mouth, or the noise she made when Shiv tangled her fingers in her hair. She forced herself to replay the sight of her covering her face to hide the disgust at what she’d done. Then she turned over and punched the pillow, tears falling until she ran out of energy.

FIFTEEN

The classical musicwasn’t having the calming effect Con was hoping for as she sprawled on her couch after work. Today had dragged on after she’d woken late with the familiar woolly mouth inflicted by too much red wine. Then she’d recalled with a jolt what else had been in her mouth, and she’s spent the day revisiting the time on the quay with Shiv, and Shiv’s sudden departure. Not that they’d have had time to discuss anything before Christy arrived, but the way Shiv had turned on her heel had upset her.

She’d dropped her a text before work, and then one later in the day asking if they could talk, but Shiv hadn’t replied. Her own reaction to the kiss had been clumsy, but the feelings that had surged through her, both physical and emotional, had knocked her off balance. Along with the ferocity of Shiv’s desire. She’d just needed a moment to process what was happening. Then Christy had turned up, and Shiv had run off. Con had spent the boat ride back distractedly fielding Christy’s small talk while her brain was on a continuous loop recalling their kiss.

Shiv had made her feel truly wanted in a way she’d never experienced. And Con craved more of her. But what did that look like, realistically? Shiv wasn’t here to find love.

“Aaaah.” Her groan didn’t do much to relieve the frustration. This conversation needed two participants. She looked again at the blank screen of the phone. She wasn’t going to wait another week for Shiv to resurface and talk to her. Tomorrow was Saturday, and they were meant to be shopping together.

She typed a message that reflected her current mood.

If you don’t reply I’m coming to get you tomorrow, to take you shopping like we arranged.

She dropped her phone and leaned her head back on the couch, watching the fading daylight outside the window. If she could find the energy, she would head down to the Harbor Bar and listen to the live music playing tonight. Maybe she’d even take her fiddle and join in with a couple of tunes. That was never as much fun as she hoped because the locals inevitably stepped back to leave her playing alone, only taking up their instruments once she’d finished. What she really wanted was to join in and play with everyone else.

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