Page 47 of Harbor Lights

“What?” Con was confused, although pleased that they were having a regular conversation.

“You said ‘we’ were born.”

“My sister and I.” She glanced across.

“You’ve never mentioned her. Where is she?”

“In Australia. We’re not good at keeping in touch.” She didn’t want to be sidetracked right now. “Can we move the conversation to what happened between us the other night?”

Shiv shuffled in her seat. “I’m sorry about what happened, but I don’t want to talk about it, really.”

“Don’t be sorry. It was… perfect.” Con reached out to where Shiv’s hand rested on her lap, but Shiv pulled away as if burned. Maybe she should pull over before her distraction got them killed. A lay-by loomed ahead, and she indicated.

“What are you doing?”

She turned into the space, pulled on the handbrake, and switched off the engine. Fleetwood Mac stopped playing and the car was suddenly very quiet. “We need to talk, Siobhán. I’m too old for this avoiding each other malarky.”

“I’m not avoiding you. I’m sitting in the car next to you.” Shiv picked at the skin around her nails.

Con put a hand over hers and she stiffened but at least she didn’t pull away this time. “But you don’t want to talk about what was, at least to me, a very significant event last night.”

Shiv remained staring at their joint hands. When she clearly wasn’t going to speak, Con sighed. “I understand if it wasn’t the same for you, but I?—”

“No.” Shiv grasped her fingers and twisted in her seat. “It was special.” Her rough fingers ran along Con’s wrist. “But I know you’re not the type of person who wants a casual hook up, so I’m sorry I took us down that route.”

“And is that what’s happening here? A purely sexual draw? Is that what you’re looking for?”

Shiv had really opened up lately and they’d talked about some deep stuff. Their connection felt to Con much more than a potentially sexual one. Shiv saw her and understood her. Even if Shiv had an itch to scratch, why would she have chosen the middle-aged, menopausal GP? Even in their small community there were more likely candidates.

“No.” The single word was a groan. “I wasn’t looking for anything, Con. Just some peace and quiet. But then I met you and got to know you.” Her amber eyes flicked up to meet Con’s. “And now there are feelings I wasn’t expecting.”

“The feeling that you wanted to have me there and then in the darkness on the quay?”What am I doing? Shiv finally opens up about how she feels, and I turn it back to sex.Perhaps she was as guilty of avoiding the truth as Shiv.

Shiv smiled. “Among other things.”

She turned in her seat, tucking one leg under her ass until she was fully facing Con. “How you make me feel is unexpected, but powerful. And I’ve lived my life following my emotions. Whether that be driving across three states to protest at an event, or spending the night with a woman I met on a demo because I liked her eyes. But I get that you don’t just act on everything you feel without considering the consequences. I like you a lot, and I don’t want this—me—to mess with what we’ve got.”

Con didn’t know how to respond, but she needed physical contact. She lifted her hand, running her finger along Shiv’s jaw. Shiv trembled. She was making it worse. She removed her hand and pushed it under her leg where it could do no harm.

“Being around you makes me feel things I didn’t even know I was capable of.” Emotion washed over Con in a wave that left her feeling overwhelmed. She cleared her throat. “But you’re right. I’m not looking for a hook up, or anything else. But I love being around you. Our talks have become important to me. Can we keep doing that?”

Shiv nodded with a smile, but those words hung in Con’s mind for the rest of the day. As they shopped together—Shiv’s essentials appearing to be oatmeal, carrots, peanut butter, bananas, and an enormous tub of protein powder—she couldn’t help wondering: had she been truthful? She hadn’t asked for any of this, but now she and Shiv had built this connection, whatever it was. Did she really want nothing more than friendship?

She followed Shiv’s movements as she lifted the heavy sacks into the back of the truck, her lean arms straining. She took in the length of her smooth neck as she threw her head back in laughter at something Con had said. Over lunch, she couldn’t tear her eyes away while Shiv passionately described the impact on the trans community of some state law that had recently been passed.

And often, too, she was pinned by Shiv’s intense amber gaze. They hadn’t really resolved anything, just pushed it back down under the cover of friendship. Serious potential existed for getting her heart broken here, even though she’d promised she’d never allow that kind of pain in again. She needed some distance while she got her emotions under control.

As Con drove them back to Portrinn at the end of the day, Shiv offered the bag of nuts she was snacking on. “I nearly forgot to tell you. I had an idea about a building for the youth club.”

She took a handful of nuts. “You did?” How did Shiv have the energy to juggle so many projects?

“Yeah. You know that old building opposite the Waterside? With the tin roof and the painting on the door.”

“I do. An art collective took it over for a summer maybe ten years ago. It’s been empty ever since.”

“My granddad owns it.”

“He does?” She wondered if Tierney knew that. She’d talked about commandeering it to store kayaks.

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