Page 85 of Harbor Lights

* * *

“You didn’t haveto come get me.” Con stood on the small deck of Queen Maedbh watching Joey prepare for the journey back to Inishderry.

“I know, but I’ve been out all morning, anyway. You disappeared so quickly yesterday, and you said you wanted to talk about it. So, this is our chance. Before we’re surrounded by half the island.”

Con followed them into the wheelhouse and dropped onto the wooden bench. “I said I was willing to talk about it. Not the same thing.”

Joey shut the cabin door and started the engine. “Have you fucked it up?”

There was no judgment in the question, just a gentle nudge to get her to talk.

“Oh, God, I think so, Joey.” She leaned her elbows on her knees. “I panicked and got scared.”

“Scared of commitment?”

“Oh, Lord, no. I bypassed us actually being in a relationship and went straight to when she dumps me.” It sounded worse out loud.

For a few moments, there was just the thrum of the engine and the vibration that accompanied it.

“It’s not surprising that’s where you went. You’ve been dwelling on the last time it happened for ten years.”

That wasn’t the version of her she wanted to be remembered for. “It’s terrible, isn’t it? I’m wasting my life on a decision someone else made.”

“It’s not terrible, but if you want your life to change, you need to approach it differently.”

“Like by not being afraid?” She looked up at Joey, but their eyes were on the sea as they steered them across the open water to Inishderry.

“Everyone’s afraid, Doc. Some people are just better at hiding it.”

“Siobhán isn’t. She’s fearless.”

“About some things, maybe. But she’s terrified of not being good enough for you.”

“Ha. That’s ridiculous. If anything, I’m punching above my weight there.”

“Have you told her that?” Joey maneuvered them around the lighthouse, and she knew the conversation was running out of time. She stood and moved next to Joey as they approached the quay.

“No, we barely had time for conversation before I got into a flap and Shiv misunderstood and left.”

“So, you’re going to put things straight today?”

“Uh. I’m hoping to, but I need to get back home this afternoon to pack.”

Joey turned. “You’re not around to see in the New Year?”

“I…” She studied her shoes. She couldn’t lie to Joey, but she was embarrassed to admit she was running to Majella’s rescue. “I need to pop over to Cambridge for a couple of days. I’ll explain things properly to Shiv when I get back.”

Joey said nothing as they pulled up to the quay and went out onto deck.

Con followed as they swung a rope around a mooring bollard and pulled tight. “That’s okay, isn’t it? I don’t want to rush it with Shiv, and she’ll be here when I get back.”

Joey held out a hand to steady her as she stepped onto the stone harbor steps. “That’s your choice to make, Doc. Only you can decide where your priorities lie.”

This was a rare time she wished Joey was more outspoken. She’d love for someone to tell her the right thing to do. But deep down, she knew, as Joey did, she didn’t need to hear it from someone else. It was perfectly clear what she should do.

TWENTY-EIGHT

Shiv heldthe board still while Joey secured it in place. Her arms burned with the weight, but Joey was working as fast as they could. Once the insulation was in place, they could get the power sockets connected, and switch on the heating and lighting. But not today. The sun was about to go down behind the mountains.

---