Page 28 of Heart Strings

Somehow, somewhere down the line, I had missed my chance, and I didn’t know how to get a second one without breaking off from the tour and flying to New Orleans.

It had been a few weeks since Abigail had boarded the plane for home, and I was looking over a room service menu in a hotel room in Louisville when my phone lit up and chimed. My heart did a somersault when the first time in a week, ‘Abby’ appeared on the screen.

Eyes wide with relief, I picked up her call. “Hola,” I said immediately. “I was starting to think you’d lost your phone.” She hadn’t even texted me since yesterday.

“I didn’t.” Her voice came out of the phone speakers strained and awkward, like talking to me made her uncomfortable. “Listen, Al, I wanted to talk to you.”

I waited. Silence. “I figured,” I said. “You called me.”

“Yeah…I know. I have my audition in a few days… I’ve been super busy.”

“I know.” It was my turn to be short. “That’s what you always say when I talk to you.”

“Well, it’s true,” Abigail offered. Now she just sounded miserable. “Okay, here’s the truth. I…. l-like you, Al. I like you a lot. But I’m going to be playing for an orchestra that spends most of its time in Louisiana. You travel all over the country…and you’re in a band. Orchestra and band are two different worlds.”

My heart dropped like a stone in my chest, the hand clutching the phone shook, and I had to sit down on the bed before I toppled over like a dead tree. Only one thing offered me even an iota of comfort. That first “L” had sounded like it wanted to turn into an entirely different word than ‘like.’ “They’re different.” I agreed because I couldn’t disagree. “But that doesn’t mean they can’t come together.”

“That’s exactly what it means.” Her voice was quiet but steady, like this was hard for her to say but she had thought it through a thousand times. “I need a physical relationship, Al, and it’s my fate to play in the Louisiana Philharmonic Orchestra. It’s yours to be a talented singer and songwriter for your band. Our fates just don’t mix. Our spirits have to follow separate paths.”

I couldn’t believe the spirit of a long-dead pianist held more influence with Abigail than living people who cared about her, but I couldn’t bring myself to be angry right now. “Abigail, have you ever thought about doing anything besides joining this orchestra? Haven’t you ever wanted to do or be anything else? There are so many ways and places to play the piano, and you’re so talented. You could have your pick of any form of piano in the country. In the world.”

“I know what I want. My great-grandmother’s spirit isn’t forcing me to do anything… I know you don’t really understand Voodoo beliefs, so I can see why you would think maybe I want this for her, not for me. She’s been with me always, and she knows what I want almost better than I do. It’s just…my fate,” she said again, even more miserably. “I’m sorry. I really liked spending time with you, and it was way too short. I hope you’ll come see me if you ever end up in New Orleans again.” Tears thickened her voice, then the line went dead and the backlight flashed to tell me she had hung up.

And just like that, I had lost the most incredible woman I had ever known. I should have fought for her. I should have told her I had a plan, something that could keep us together. I should have told her I couldn’t live without her. I should have told her…

I should have told her I loved her.

I loved her. “I love you,” I whispered to the phone as though the beautiful red-haired Irishwoman was still on the other side, listening. “I love you,” I said again, just to see if I could say it stronger.

I loved her. That must have been why my chest ached so badly, and I felt like I was balanced at the edge of a precipice. I had heard so many songs about this feeling - in fact, written one or two myself, despite no expertise on the subject.

Heartbreak.

All at once, I realized that I didn’t just not want to lose Abigail. I absolutely could not lose Abigail, no matter what stood between her and I. After the Louisville show, I would head back to New Orleans and get her back. I didn’t know how I would manage that - not when Abigail’s spiritual beliefs stood against me - but I would figure something out. I had to.

I had to because now I realized that I couldn’t be myself without Abigail.

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