Page 110 of Derailed
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Sean
They sayabsence makes the heart grow fonder. Maybe it does for some, but I was pretty fucking fond of Jess before I left for this tour. After a few months on the road my feelings haven’t wavered, and the growing? That’s been all Jess. Saying good-bye was the hardest choice I made. Not as much a good-bye as a see you later, but still . . . I questioned whether I made the right decision. In my heart of hearts, I knew I did. She needed space to flourish and bloom, and damn, that’s exactly what she’sdone.
On the road I settle into the routine. It’s all about the music, so I focus on that. Our new drummer isn’t bad. I think I’ve maybe said ten words to the guy outside of playing on stage. Not because I don’t like him, but because I’m not ready to get close to another drummer—not with our cursed luck. I have no doubt he’ll leave at some point, but for now he gets the job done and that’s all that matters. Maybe I should care more, but my mind is preoccupied with the woman back home. A woman who has not only captured my heart, but myadmiration.
I had my doubts. It’s a dangerous thing to be on your own for the first time, but she’s kicking ass. I shouldn’t have expected otherwise. Jess is a fighter. She doesn’t give up. After everything she’s been through and all that she aspires to be, I count myself lucky to be her bestfriend.
Friend.
That pesky word is both the highlight and downfall to our relationship. I promised her no pressure. I promised her time, and I’m fully committed to that promise. Doesn’t mean I’ve stopped dreaming of how her skin feels against mine, how our bodies fit as though they were always meant to be, or that I haven’t memorized how she sounds when she comes. Because I never stop thinking of that. Or earning her trust, because I want to share those things with Jess again. Only this time I don’t want to be hers hidden in the shadows of night. I want her everywhere and always. She’s the only woman for me, and I want the entire world to knowit.
“He’s got the face again,” Austin grumbles and shucks a water bottle across the bus, but I catch it before it hits me in thehead.
“It’s my face! Stop trying to maim it.” I set the bottle on the counter and take a seat next toOpal.
Austin glances away from his video game to shake his head with disdain. “I’m not used to you smiling so much. It’sfreaky.”
“He’s in love.” Trent chuckles, drawing out the word. Everyone laughs, but he’s not wrong. After playing a packed arena like tonight, the former me would be jonesin’ to head out and celebrate. Grab a beer and hook up with a beautiful woman. But that Sean is no more. Instead, I’m here in the bus hoping Jess is still awake to get my text message. That maybe she’llcall.
I’msoinlove.
Opal crosses her arms on the table and rests her chin in her hands. “I think it’s sweet. Jess is a luckywoman.”
I shake my head. “I’m the luckyone.”
“God, I can’t even stand it.” Austin pretends to throwup.
“Stand what?” Our drummer struts down the hall, freshly showered and changed. He runs a towel over his wet hair and tosses it in a pile of dirtylaundry.
Austin groans. “There’s so much fucking love in the air, I mightchoke.”
“Not everyone can whore around like you.” Trent laughs, but Austin doesn’t takeoffense.
“It really is an art.” Austin winks at Lexi’s sister and her cheeks pinken with a blush that earns Austin a glare fromTrent.
My stomach rumbles as my fingers tap a beat a top the table. “We grubbin’ or what? I’m starved.” As soon as the words leave my lips, my cell rings atop the table. It’s Jess. “Hey.” I stand and move into the hallway for privacy. Not that they’ll stop giving me a hard time for being so far gone for a woman I’m not even officially together with, but at least she won’t have to hear it,too.
“Hey. Sorry, it’s late, I know.” There’s sleepiness in her voice. “I just saw yourtext.”
“Perfect timing. We just finished theshow.”
Trent knocks against the wall. “Hey, youcoming?”
I hold the phone away from my mouth and meet his gaze. “Bring me somethingback?”
He nods before heading out with everyoneelse.
“Do you need to go? You must be famished. I can call youback—”
“Jess.” I stop her because if she really thinks I’ll trade a conversation with her for a meal with those hooligans, she must bedreaming.
“Yeah.”
“I want to talk to youmore.”
“Yeah?” How is it she makes that one word soperfect?
