Page 36 of Derailed
I hold his stare as he lights up his cigarette and shake my head. “I guess that’s the decision you gotta make, Iz. But from my point of view, it’s a damn selfish way of looking at the world. I care about you, man. That doesn’t go away if youdo.”
With a deep exhale he nods. “Thanks, Sean. I’msorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. Bebetter.”
“I will.” He nods again. “Will you come nextweek?”
“I’lltry.”
I don’t make a promise I can’t keep, and there’s a flicker of hurt in his gaze before he steps close, pulling me into a quick embrace. “See ya around then,brother.”
It’s no different than the way we’ve parted before. But that was before, and the endearmentbrother, something I’ve used for all of my bandmates because we are a family, it pricks at my resolve toleave.
“See ya around, brother.” I pat his back and turn, making my way back through the house and to the frontreceptionist.
“Can I please get my things back?” It seemed inconvenient they’d make us check everything, but after my time with Iz I completely understandwhy.
“Certainly, Mr. Willis. Visit went well?” Her smile stretches wide on herface.
“Peachy.” I steal the answer Iz gave me, along with his grimsmile.
She nods, her smile not dimming, but her eyes widen with my lack of enthusiasm. Pulling out a set of keys, she unlocks one of the drawers lining the back of the desk area and glances over her shoulder before returning with my items. “I know it’s not my place to say, but thank you for coming.” She passes me the container holding my keys, wallet, and sunglasses. “He’s talked about you all week. I’m a hugefan.”
“Okay.” I slide the shades over my eyes. A dick move, but I don’t need a fangirl right now. I need peace of mind. That’s what I came here looking for, and yet I’m leaving with even morediscord.
“Just know it means a lot to Iz. We weren’t sure you’d come. Well, Danielle and Susan bet you wouldn’t. I actually won ten bucks.” She laughs before slapping her hand over her mouth. “I’m so sorry. That’s completely unprofessional of me. I ramble when I’m excited. And, well, I’m a big fan.” Her eyes are wide and that smile’s back, only this time I see it for what it is, she’s just a fan of our music. And maybe I can use that little nugget to get the answers I reallyneed.
I glance down at her name tag. “How long have you worked here,Kim?”
She beams with the question. “Five years thisMay.”
“That’s great.” I nod and place one hand on the counter between us while tipping my shades up onto my head with the other. “What’re the chances he getsclean?”
“Oh.” She nods, her smile not as bright, and she shrugs once. “I can’t say because I don’t really know. Each patient’s progress and treatment planvaries.”
“But not taking that into account, a ballpark average. How many end up either back here or . . . ?”Dead.I don’t say it but by the fall of her smile, I don’t haveto.
“I won’t sugarcoat it. It’s not easy. The patient has to want to get better. Even with that, they’re constantly working against a body and brain that chants, ‘Use, use, use,’ every second of the day. He can obtain sobriety. He can have a good life. That’s what we believe in here. But the more people in his corner, thebetter.”
“Thank you for taking good care of him,Kim.”
“Of course. It’s my job.” She smiles. “Will we see you next week, Mr.Willis?”
“It’s just Sean.” I cough to hide my laughter at her reaction to my request. If she was fangirling before, now she’s practically jumping out of her skin. It doesn’t last, though. “I’m not sure I’ll beback.”
Her disappointment is clear with the disappearance of her smile, but she’s a persistent one, not letting me off so easily. “Okay. If you change your mind, family and friends visiting is every Saturday. Atten.”
“Thank you.” I slide my shades back over my eyes and step away from the counter. Back outside, the immaculate doors give the illusion this is a home and not a prison. Except the doors are kept locked to protect the people inside from the danger of what exists outside. How is it that some function just fine while others like Iz can’t help but fall prey to addiction and druguse?
It could easily be me. Or Trent. Or Austin. Just because Iz is so much older than us doesn’t make us immune. The attendant’s suggestion, “more people in his corner,” riles up anger that I came by myself today. Austin and Trent should have been here too. I shouldn’t be dealing with thisalone.
Shifting my car into reverse, I glance out my rear window but the view is partially blocked by the giant ass framed photograph I impulsively bought last night. It brings a smile to my face, though, knowing I was able to put some good into the world with my money. I’ll hang it in my room so I never forget. My life isn’t only about making music or bringing joy; I can do so much good with the success Iachieve.
The drive home is not as therapeutic as the trip here. Traffic is horrible, and with each passing mile, my mind fills with worry. Not just this shit with Iz, but the head game crap Coy pulled last night with Jess. All my respect for that man is lost, and having to play onstage and live on a bus with him for three months feels about the closest thing to torment. I want to tell Austin and Trent, but I’m worried Coy has them fooled. He almost had me too, and had it not been for my pre-show jitters, I would not have been on that patio to witness his truecolors.
He and Austin are already tight. Coy plays into his need for attention with the ladies, and if I say anything, I doubt Austin will care. Not that he won’t believe me, but he won’t find it such a big deal. He’s the type to brush things off unless they affect him personally. He won’t want to find a new drummer, either. Not like I do. Notreally.
Trent’s one who will listen, I hope. At least with Lexi’s help, he might. Only she’s on tour for another month and a half and I don’t want to interrupt the few days they have off together. I’ll wait, I think, until Trent’s back from their long weekend together before telling him exactly what Isaw.
