Page 44 of Derailed
“Fuck. Don’t be getting any ideas.” Coy scoffs and rolls hiseyes.
“What? You scared of the minivan life?” Her hands go to her hips before she taps at his blue ride. “That is what this vehicle is,right?”
Austin picks up Coy’s game piece and holds it inches from his face. “I always thought it was more station-wagony, butyeah.”
“Give me that.” Coy snatches his car back, but two of the three people inside fall out and onto the board. “Goddamn!” He picks up the missing people pegs and sets his car back to lastplace.
“You a sore loser, Coy?” Trentteases.
“It’s just a stupid game,” Coy grumbles before staring at Jess. “She knows there ain’t no way in hell I’d knock her up and then repeat that mistake another three times. Fuck, no.” He laughs, but it’s a cruel one, as if he just made the funniest fucking joke onearth.
None of us join along. Even Austin drops his gaze to re-count his money. My gaze hasn’t left Jess, and the hurt I see there is a sucker punch to my owngut.
“What? That was funny!” Coyinsists.
“I’ll just . . .” Jess doesn’t even finish her excuse before she’s on her feet and out of theroom.
“Babe! Bring me back a beer?” Coy calls afterher.
I can’t even look at him, I’m so disgusted. That, and I’ll be tempted to punch that stupid smile off his face. Instead I pick up my phone and pretend to care about the stupid shit people post on their socialmedia.
“So damn sensitive! All you on your period too?” He laughs and leans back into hisseat.
“I need a smoke.” Austin pops off thecouch.
“Me, too.” Coy shakes his head as if he can’t believe we don’t find his stunt funny, and follows Austinoutside.
That’s all I need. I don’t even make a bullshit excuse, but walk straight to the kitchen where Jess was headed. I stop short inside thedoor.
Her hands grip the counter, her back to me, and she’d look fine but for the tiny shake to hershoulders.
I take a few steps closer. “Hey, youokay?”
“I’m fine. I just need a sec.” She doesn’t turn but wipes at her eyes. “I’ll be rightout.”
Goddamn. That’s it. It does me in completely. I can’t stand to see a woman cry. Not one I care for deeply. My feet move of their own accord and I reach for her arm. “Hey,Jess. . .”
“Don’t.” She holds up a hand to stop me from moving any closer. “It’s fine. I’m fine. It’s just a silly game.” The words come from betweensniffles.
I run my hand through my hair, frustrated by both her pain and my inability to comfort her. “Sure, butCoy—”
“He doesn’t mean it.” She cuts me off, and maybe she always gives him a pass, or she’s doing so now to protect him from negative thoughts from his new band. What she doesn’t know is that I’ve already formed my opinion of his behavior. One she’ll never influence for thebetter.
I think he means exactly what he said, but I don’t say that. Instead, I try to chase away her tears. “I was going to say he’s anass.”
She actually smiles, and a giggle escapes before she can cover her mouth with her hand. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be.” My smile grows with hers. “For the record, I think you’ll make a great momsomeday.”
Her smile falls. “I don’t think that’ll everhappen.”
“Why? Don’t you want kids? I can totally see you rocking the soccer mom minivan game.” My words are light, and meant to erase the unease from asking her something sopersonal.
“Oh, um . . . I do.” She wrings her hands together and lifts her gaze with a shrug. “Want kids. Not necessarily a minivan full, but yeah, being a parent would be about the most amazing job ever. But I don’t think that’s in the cards. Not for someone likeme.”
I tilt my head and take in her answer, studying her face for a sign that she’s joking. I don’t understand how someone can’t see themselves properly, but it’s clear in this instant that Jess is clueless to the woman she is. “Someone who is caring and considerate of others? Isn’t that the ultimate profile of a goodmother?”
Her gaze narrows to where her hands are clasped together. “I wouldn’t reallyknow.”
