Page 54 of Derailed
“Funny. ’Bye, Dad,” Sean says as he pulls his car into the immaculate driveway of what looks more like an estate than any treatment center I’ve ever seen. This must be how the rich getclean.
“’Bye, Sean. ’Bye, Jess. Nice to hear your voice. Hopefully, I’ll meet you when the band comes through our state in a few months.” The hope in his voice pricks at my ownuncertainty.
“Yes, sounds good,” I manage to respond before Sean ends the call. Will Coy still want me with him once we hit the road? Will the label even be able to get me a passport? The fear of being left behind in Los Angeles or somewhere on the road quashes all the ease I was able to gain on this drive withSean.
I shouldn’t have come along this morning. Coy won’t be happy when he learns where I’ve been and with whom. I worry that somehow I’ve sealed my fate with my spontaneous decision to join Sean. In the moment, I needed to get out of the house, but now . . . maybe I should have stayedput.
My mind races as Sean shifts to park and cuts the engine. He rolls up the windows but doesn’t move to open the car door so neither do I. Catching his stare, I’m surprised to find his usual confidence missing. He almost appears as scared as Ifeel.
I move to open my mouth, to offer him words of advice or consolation, but I come up blank. I don’t want to say something stupid or embarrass him by pointing out his discomfort. In the end I don’t have to because he breaks the silence between us with words of hisown.
“Thank you, Jess.” His jaw works back and forth, his gaze transfixed on the doors to the center. “For being here. I appreciate it more than you will ever know.” He turns his head and emotion gets caught in my throat. The vulnerability in his gaze catches me off guard. Sean keeps things light. Comfortable. There’ve only been a few times he’s looked at me in the way a man looks at a woman he desires, and those moments have toyed with my emotions. But this. This is something altogether different. It’s not about a physical attraction; it’s so much more. And the way he’s opening up feelssacred.
His gaze drops from my eyes and lands on my lips. I can’t help but wet them with my tongue because they feel dry under his scrutiny, and I swear he exhales a sound that’s somewhere between a groan and growl. The space in the car charges with each breath. I’m stuck in its pull; scared to break the magic, and fearful of being pulled infurther.
With a hooded gaze he lifts one hand between us and my eyes follow his fingertips until they press softly against my cheek. It’s only then I allow my lips to part and exhale the breath I’m holding. My eyelids drift closed and I want to lean into his touch. My body thrums with the promise ofmore.
He brushes the pad of his thumb across my cheek and over the shell of my earlobe. “Jess.” My name is pained on his lips and it’s enough to snap me out of whatever thisis.
I shift and pull back until I’m leaning away from him. “Well, my DJ skills are onpoint.”
There’s hurt in his gaze with my silent rejection, and I have to look away. Not that we did anything—not that he even asked—but I’m not naïve when it comes to men and women. The heat in his eyes made his intent clear enough. I don’t have the luxury of exploring where that would lead. I’m with Coy. I’m loyal to him. Even still, I can’t help but wonder what would happen if things were different. If for once in my life, I were free to do and be whatever Iwant.
“I hate to admit this, but you make a mean DJ, Jess. I wasn’t sure you could recover from thatMmm Bopcrap, but you did.” His smile is warm, easy, and back as if nothing happened. “Come on, let’s get this over with.” He nods to the building before opening hisdoor.
I do the same, and meet him at the front of the car. “Anything I should know aboutIz?”
“Don’t give him drugs if heasks.”
I laugh but Sean doesn’t join in.Crap. He wasn’t joking. I turn and reach out to keep him from walking forward, but drop my hand from his arm as soon as he halts. “I’m sorry,Sean.”
He meets my stare and shrugs with an audible exhale. “Yeah. Me, too. You don’t have to come back to visit with me if you don’t want. You could stay in the reception area. I would understand.” His gaze drops and he kicks the toe of his shoe into the gravel of thedrive.
“No. I’m with you,” I say, and his gaze lifts. “I’m stronger than I look. This doesn’t scareme.”
His lips lift with a slight grin and he nods to the front door, waiting for me to take the first step. I walk ahead but within two strides he’s back at myside.
“I’ve never thought that about you. I think you’re pretty damn strong.” He reaches forward and opens the door, holding it for me to pass first. As soon as we’re inside, we’re shuffled through a quick guest orientation, and for that I’m grateful. I don’t exactly know what to think of Sean, or what he expects of me, but the man has already become someone I don’t want to live without. That’s a dangerous thought for a person likeme.
* * *
IrecognizeIz immediately from all the times I’ve seen Three Ugly Guys in magazines. He’s waiting for us and stands with a wide smile for Sean, opening his arms to embrace him at our approach. “God damn, brother, it’s good to seeyou.”
Sean takes a step back and rests his palm against the small of my back. “Iz, this is my friend,Jess.”
“Nice to meet you, sweetheart. A friend of Sean’s is a friend of mine.” He extends his hand and smiles when I place mine in his palm toshake.
“It’s so nice to meetyou.”
“You two mind if we head out back? It’s not too bad in the shade.” He nods toward the large window and pats hispockets.
Sean nods and we follow Iz down a short hallway and out a door that leads into the backyard.Yardis an understatement; it’s like a set from a movie out here—one where the star quarterback lives with his trophy wife. Down a paved path there’s a set of white metal chairs. Iz nods for me to take a seat and I’m relieved that Sean pulls his next to mine. A simple gesture, but one that makes me not only feel included, butprotected.
“You don’t mind if I smoke, do you, Jess?” Iz already has the cigarette between his lips, but his thumb hovers over the lighter, waiting for myanswer.
“Not atall.”
The flame crinkles the end of the paper and he leans back, sitting across from us both. He blows the smoke to the side, a simple yet polite gesture. The acrid smell is still there, but he’s not drowning us in it. I wonder whether Sean will smoke too. I still haven’t seen him partake. In fact, I’ve only seen Austin smoke, and even he’s not regular withit.
