Page 65 of Derailed
“Do we have totoast?”
“It’s the proper way to get sloshed. Protocol, really. Who are we to mess withtradition?”
“Hmm . . .” My lips twist upward at his silliness. My mind races for something witty or cool or even downright honest to suggest. When the words pop into my head I don’t hold back. “Toforgetting.”
Sean lifts his brow and clinks the lip of his glass against mine. He must approve. “Toforgetting.”
I tilt my glass back and sip; the amber liquid burns inside my mouth and all the way down my throat. A cough bursts from my mouth and Sean laughs as I set my glass back on the counter in exchange for the ice pack. “I’m not good atthis.”
“What?” He tilts his chin and studies me in a way that radiates the warmth of the drink from my belly to down between mylegs.
My breath catches as I meet his stare. “Drinking. I’m not good at drinking. Because I don’t. Or haven’t in a longtime.”
“Good thing I’m a connoisseur. It’s okay, Jess. We’ll start slow. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want.” His lips hold their smile but suddenly I feel as though we’re discussing more thanliquor.
My lips part to respond, with what I don’tknow.
“Grab your glass.” He holds his in one hand and the bottle in the other and nods toward the back of the house. “We can gaze at the stars. I’ll bring thisbaby.”
“Let me guess, this is also part of the getting drunk guidebook.” I remove the ice from my face as I follow him out of the kitchen and down thehall.
“Exactly. Now you’re catching on, younggrasshopper.”
He approaches the doorway and I skip ahead to grab the knob and open thedoor.
“Thank you.” He tips his head with a childlikegrin.
Back under the cover of shadows, Sean cracks a few jokes and puts me at ease. That, or it’s the combination of him with the alcohol. Either way, it’s obvious he’s making an effort to make me smile. It’s attention I’m not used to. It feelsnice.
We talk about his time in the band. How they used to tour in a rental van. I like that his success was earned. His humble beginnings give him a realness that’s unexpected. He tells me about their first drummer, Derek, and how they haven’t found one to sticksince.
“Sorry, we’re forgetting.” He shakes his head and fills both his glass and mine. I stopped counting how many times he’s done that, but by the warmth in my body and the way my limbs move with little to no effort, I expect I’m well on my way to beingdrunk.
“It’s okay.” I wave him off and roll my eyes. “Coy’s like that. Hard toavoid.”
“I hate that he’s our drummer.” His animosity takes me bysurprise.
“He’s a good drummer.” I shrug because as much as Coy’s hurt me, he still deservesthis.
“That gives him a pass?” Sean rears back with his eyes wide. “I can’t watch him hurtyou.”
“Welp, lucky for you, you won’t have to. Not anymore.” I click my glass against Sean’s but the force is too much and some sloshes over the side. “Shit!Sorry.”
Sean laughs and takes the cup from my hands, setting it on the ground. “Why, Jess, I don’t think I’ve ever heard a bad word slip through that mouth. That my bad influence or the Jameson?” He reaches back with one arm and tugs his shirtoff.
My mouth falls open at the sight. And his boldness. He’s a vision to behold. All tan skin and ink. Abdominals that pop and beg to be touched. He works out a lot, and wow does it show. His chuckle spreads a shiver down my spine. I’m sure he’s laughing at my awkward gawking, but I don’t even try to hide it. My body thrums with desire. I’d like to shuck my clothes, too. “You think I’m innocent, but I’mnot.”
His breath falls heavy and he scoots over, closing the space between us until his presence invades all my senses. He smells good. Of course he does. And his arm brushes against mine where our shoulders touch. “You’re right. You’re not.” There’s a dominance in his tone, one I haven’t witnessed before, and if I wasn’t melting to his will before, my body practically screams for himnow.
“You looked every bit a seductress at the fundraiser last month. Not at all innocent, but not arrogant either. God, you were so fucking beautiful in that dress. But it doesn’t matter. That’s not what I think ofyou.”
What do you think?I want to ask, but I’m not sure I want to hear his answer. The way he looks at me, it’s different than the way anyone’s ever looked at me before. Even Coy. And I don’t want Sean to stop looking at me thisway.
“Good.” His lips pull up at the edges. “I think you’re a goodperson.”
My chin drops and I shake my head, trying to scoot away. “I’m not, though. The things I’vedone. . .”
He reaches out for my hand, winding our fingers together so we’re linked together. “You are. Where itcounts.”
I lift my chin and meet his stare. My jaw moves with a hard defensiveness. He only thinks I’m good because those are the parts I show people. If he knew my past . . . If he knew what I’ve done . . . ? He wouldn’t say I was good. “I don’t think you know me well enough to saythat.”
“You are, Jess. You don’t see what I see. What everyone else does. You’re good. So damn good.” He holds my gaze until I have to lookaway.
“I don’t believe you.” Pulling my hand out of his, I reach for my glass and tip it back for a long sip. The alcohol is a vain attempt to numb the intensity of our connection. Even though we’re no longer touching, all I can imagine is how good his hands would feel on my skin. How much I want to slide my hands over every inch of his body. My gaze drifts to the skyline, but even there I feel the heat of his stare. Does he really wantme?
No.The voice in my head isn’t fooled by the moment, or by the gorgeous night, or the sweetness in his words.You’ll never be enough for Sean. You weren’t enough for Coy, either. I can’t help but feel unworthy of his affection because it isn’t real. Sean’s attraction is for the woman I pretend tobe.
Screw it.I’m exhausted by this game. By the masks I wear. Maybe it’s the alcohol or maybe I have nothing to lose anymore, but either way it sparks a boldness inside that I don’t normally act on. I want to trust this man sitting at my side. I want him to see all the parts of me—even those that are ugly—in the hope he doesn’t run. If I’m honest, I’ve always held that hope when it comes to Sean. He may push me away. He probablywill.
But maybenot.
