Page 70 of Derailed
“What? You have to admit my bed is comfy as fuck.” He reaches for a pillow and helps stuff it under ourheads.
“Meh. I’ve had better.” Teasing is fun. It’s easy. Why does he make it soeasy?
“Bullshit.” He accompanies the swear word with a smirk and rolls me onto my back, pinning me with his weight. “Maybe it’ll feel better with my face between yourlegs.”
I laugh out loud but the sound is stolen as his mouth drifts between my breasts. “Sean.” Just like that he steals my resolve. Lust surges full force as my hands find their way onto the bed and grip the sheets so I won’t touch his hair. Not sure if I’d push him away or pull him closer, I hold tight to the bedding as his lips move leisurely down my belly until his hands are spreading me wide for his hungry mouth. He’s in no rush, but this time he stokes an already burning flame. It doesn’t take long before I’m flying and then crashing and soaring all overagain.
Pulling out of his arms is almost useless, but despite his comfort I really shouldn’t stay. I’m scared of lots of things, but in this moment I’m most afraid that if I don’t make myself leave, I’ll never want to leave his arms. “I should go. My things are inthere.”
“No.” He shakes his head and his jaw is tight. “You said you’d stay with metonight.”
“Won’t that only cause more problems for you? I don’t want to mess up your life.” I sit up but meet his gaze with a hard one of my own. He’s been perfect, but this can’t last. I’ll be better to rip the Band-Aid off now, no matter howpainful.
“You haven’t and you couldn’t.” His answer’s firm, and he pops off the bed to walk over to the dresser. “Now, what do you need? A toothbrush? My bathroom is fully stocked; use whatever you need. And here.” He riffles through a drawer and produces a pair of joggers that are probably three sizes too big, along with a band T-shirt. “This willwork.”
I can’t argue with him, and mostly it’s because I don’t want to. I want to stay with Sean, even if it’s only tonight. I take the offered clothes. “Thank you.” I walk to the bathroom to change, but before I close the door I find himstaring.
“You don’t have to see him, ever again. I’ll protect you.” His gaze holds determination, and I believe he means what hesays.
But I can’t let him. Even now in the safety of his room I know this is only temporary. He can’t lock me away from my past forever. Coy’s the freaking drummer for his band. This could never work, but I don’t tell him that. The truth hangs heavy between us, yet I know he’s only trying to make me feel better. Give me some hope because that’s the kind of man he is. “Thank you again. For letting me sleephere.”
“Jess?” He stops me from closing thedoor.
I lift my chin and meet his gaze. Or at least I try to. It’s difficult to hold his stare when his eyes search beyond my front. There’s a landmine of insecurities I’d rather not divulge, and they’re just waiting to bubble to thesurface.
“I don’t want you to regret this. Us.” His eyes widen with what I guess is a mixture of optimism and pain, and I force myself not to lookaway.
“I won’t.” I rest my head against the door jamb and lay out an honest answer. “I couldnever.”
His lips pull with a smile that slowly fills hisface.
I push the door closed until it softly clicks. Relief floods my gut the minute I’m tucked inside and away from his perceptive gaze. Sean holds me with such regard, such faith and promise, and it’s an expectation I’ll fall short on. I don’t want to contemplate what will happen tomorrow. Where I’ll go, or how I’ll make it on my own. I’ve done things in the past to get by as a means of survival, but that fight in me isn’t the same. That, and I’m no longer a young, naïve girl. I won’t sell myself for another day on this Earth. This time I’d ratherdisappear.
Pulling on clothes that smell of Sean helps warm my body and keep my worries at bay. I won’t think about tomorrow until the dawn comes. I ready myself for sleep and crack open the door. Sean’s on the bed, his body a work of art, his skin inked withtattoos.
“Hey.” He glances up, his gaze falling to my outfit, and smiles. “This is my new favorite look ofyours.”
“Dressed like a child?” I glance down at his shirt, which hits my knees, and the pants I had to roll several times to stay at mywaist.
“No. Dressed in my clothes.” His eyes heat with desire like we didn’t just spend all night acting on those urges. He gives his head a little shake as if he were thinking the same and pats the space next to him. “Come on. Let’s have a sleepover.” His enthusiasm brings a giggle to mylips.
I have some big decisions to make. Life changing ones. But for now, I’ll stay in this fairy tale. He makes it too inviting. I run the rest of the way and jump onto the mattress. The impact jostles his body and I grin with satisfaction. “Are we going to stay awake talking until it’smorning?”
“God, I hope so.” He wraps his arms around my waist and tugs me to him so our nosestouch.
“You’re crazy,” I whisper, but the smile on my lips stretches wide before turning to a yawn. I roll onto my back so I don’t yawn all over hisface.
“Yeah. I am.” He settles back onto the bed and drops his cheek to the pillow to meet my gaze. “Tired?”
“A little, yeah.” I yawn again. It’s to the point I couldn’t stop if I wanted. The day’s been long, but this night has been enchanted. As much as I don’t want it to end, I can barely keep my eyelidsopen.
“Then sleep.” Sean turns on his side and tucks the pillow under his head. He slides a hand over my belly to my opposite hip. His thumb caresses the skin there and he nestles his face into the crook of my neck. “I’ve got you,Jess.”
If only that were really true. That’s the last thought I have before my lids become too heavy and I give over to their pull, sleep claiming what little is left of this very longday.
* * *
Bang.Bang.Bang.
