Page 73 of Derailed
“I think I do.” I take a stepforward.
“Stop. Stop it!” Jess’s shout pulls my stare back to her. Her gaze bounces between Coy and me. “Stop talking about me like I’m nothere.”
“Did you fuck him,Jess?”
Her eyes find mine, and for that I feel like I’vewon.
“If I find out you fucked him, I will kill him!” Coyroars.
“Let’s not go overboard here. No one is killing anybody.” The warning leaves Trent’s lips and Coy breaks free, hurtling towardme.
“Oh, fuck,” Austingroans.
Coy barrels right in my face, but I stand my ground. He thinks I’ll run? Not with Jess here. He can beat me to a pulp because I’m not backing down. His fist clenches the fabric of my shirt and his other cocks back for what’s sure to be the most painful hit of my life. He wants to hurt me, and I’m okay with that as long he doesn’t touchher.
I glance at Jess and dread fills my gut. Her eyes don’t hold the light they did last night and as she drops her gaze to his, a dreadful anticipation fills my gut before she even speaks aword.
“No, Coy. I didn’t. Sean let me stay here last night. Because you hurt me.” Her gaze stays with his and she steps forward until her hands cover his fist. As soon as she does he drops his hold onme.
“Jess, I’m so sorry, baby.” He reaches for her and I expect her to shrink back. I expect her to push him away, or step out of reach. But she doesn’t do any of that. Confusion and hurt burst in my chest as she allows him to pull her into his arms. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry,” he chants over andover.
“I know,” she whispers. “I know,Coy.”
“Sean.” Trent places his hand on my shoulder and drags my gaze from the couple. I can’t believe what I’m witnessing. I can’t believe she’d forgive him. Not after last night. Not after all we’veshared.
I can’t evenbreathe.
My heart literallybreaks.
My vision clouds from beneath my tears and I have to turn away. “Get out.” The command doesn’t even sound like my own voice. “Get the fuck out of myroom.”
“Sean?” Jess’s voice begs that I turn around but I can’t bear to look ather.
“Just go.” I stomp over to the photograph that fell and pick it up only to find the canvas sliced down the middle. Fucking Coy. He ruins everything. I don’t try to fix or hide it, just hang it back on thewall.
“Sorry about the misunderstanding. And your picture.” But Coy doesn’t sound the least apologetic. He got everything he wanted. He has Jess. And that hurts more than any punch to the face or ruined photograph. She deserves him too, if she’s so willing to go back into the arms of a monster. I wait for the shuffle of their footsteps to leave the room before I turnaround.
Trent’s there, his gaze somber. “Sean?” He lifts his chin and gives anod.
I glance down at my arms to see they’re streaked with blood. Probably all mine. I touch my lip with my tongue and taste the metallic, salty tang before wiping it with the back of myhand.
“I told you not to get in the middle of it . . . that it wouldn’t be good.” Trent runs his hands through his hair and pushes it back behind his ears. He wanted to avoid this. I understand the concern, but the apprehension in his eyes only makes this worse. I went head to head with Coy for Jess, and it didn’t change a damn thing. It’s worse, actually, now that I’ve experienced just how good we are together, and that still wasn’t enough for her to choose me overhim.
“Are you okay?” Is he referring to physical pain or that of my heart? Doesn’t matter. The answer’s thesame.
“No, I’m not.” My gaze goes to the open door. I still can’t believe she walked out with him. How she could do that, after everything he’s done to her? “Can you just leave mealone?”
Trent nods and his lips form a straight line. “If you need anything, come find me. When everyone’s calmed down, we need to sit down and have a band meeting. We’ll work this out.” He turns and his shoulders slump with an exhale. Defeat? Disappointment? I should ask. I should care. But all that runs through my head is the look on Jess’s face as she met my stare and told Coy last night meant nothing. It’s great that Trent thinks we can move past this, because honestly, I don’t see how in the fuck that’s gonnahappen.
* * *
How doesone survive living one door down from the woman he loves after she chooses someone else? I don’t fucking know, and I’m sure as hell not doing it right. This hurts like fucking hell and I can’t find it in me to care about anything right now—her; the band; even myself. Everything is not all right, and I don’t know how to make itbetter.
I hid in my room on Sunday because I didn’t trust myself around the others. Everything felt hopeless and pointless, and I sure as shit didn’t trust myself around Coy. But this was my house, too. Hell, I was in the band first. Who did he think he was coming into my life and fucking shit up? So, after licking my battered ego in solitude, I woke up Monday with a plan. I would push every-fucking-one of Coy’s buttons until he proves what a bastard he really is. Oh, and I wasn’t giving up on Jess. Notyet.
Taking a longer route, I knock out an eight mile run and head into the backyard. I need to speak with Jess. To ask the hard questions. If she’s done with me, really done, then I have to walk away. But if there’s some chance for us, however slim it might be, then I will do whatever it takes to prove how good we canbe.
My skin drips with sweat and I pull off my shirt as I make my way around the corner to her usual spot, but she’s not there. Disappointment churns at her absence. Another rejection, or is this Coy’s control? Either way, I’m irritated as I push through the back door and head to the kitchen. I grab a box of cereal, fill a bowl, and mix up my protein drink. I’m pissed, and each movement comes with a slam against the counter orcupboard.
