Page 81 of Derailed
Before my feet cooperated, Amo appeared from an alleyway. She walked toward me with a satisfied smile that stretched the width of her face. The familiar red lipstick was gone and it made her appear almostnormal.
“Turn around. Let’s go,” she snapped and grabbed myhand.
My feet pushed forward, but I couldn’t help looking over my shoulder. “Amo, what did you do? Oh, God. Are they stillinside?”
“I hope so.” She smiled wide and gripped my handtighter.
“We’ve got to get them out. We need to call the fire department. Oh, God!” I tried to yank out of her hold. I needed to get to a phone. There weren’t any sirens. It was as if the world went by, not taking notice while a house went up inflames.
“Stop it,” she hissed and jerked my body back. She narrowed her gaze in a way that dared me to defy her. “You aren’t going to save those sick fucks. The ones who treat us like interchangeable property so she can afford her vices and he can have his. They deserve todie.”
“But what about theothers?”
Her scowl warped with a hardness I’d never seen her wear before. “Sometimes to get what you want in life there are casualties.” Her heartlessness was terrifying. Right then and there I realized I better make myself useful, better follow in line, because if not, she had no problem sacrificing a life for hers. “Now, let’sgo.”
She bought the tickets and we boarded a Greyhound set for Denver. I didn’t speak the entire ride. Couldn’t. My mind filled with horrors of people burning alive. People I knew. When we arrived in Denver, Amo used the last of her cash to buy us burgers from McDonald’s. She begged an employee to let us use the phone until they gave in. We waited all day for her friend Joy to pick us up, but she never came. That night, we slept huddled together behind a dumpster. The cold was immobilizing. I imagined we might freeze to death, but the next day the morning came and so didJoy.
Amo was ecstatic, but I sensed immediately that Joy didn’t want me around. We walked four blocks and she invited us inside her one room apartment. “It’s small, but it’s mine. You can stay here until you get your own.” She glared at me while Amo poked around. Yep, she didn’t likeme.
Amo turned back to Joy. “You are the best.” They stared at each other, engaging in some sort of silent conversation I couldn’t understand. “She won’t be aproblem.”
Joy’s gaze slid over to me. “She’ll have to work,too.”
Amo shook her head but I didn’t understand why. “I’ll pay herway.”
“I’ll work.” My voice was stronger than I felt. I didn’t know what we would be doing, but I suspected it wasn’t legal. How could it be, with all of usrunaways?
“Good.” Joy smiled as Amo’s lips turned down with disappointment. “You both start tonight. Get a shower. Dress young. They like it better that way.” She held my gaze until the realityhit.
I thought we’d escaped. I thought we left for something better, but we didn’t. We only traded one life of prostitution foranother.
* * *
“Jess! Jess, are you okay?”Deb’s voice pulls me from the heavy fog of sleep.Bang, bang, bang.“Jess, can you open the door forme?”
“Coming!” I croak out and peel the sheets from my skin. They stick with the sheen of sweat, and my heart races so fast I can barely catch my breath. I walk to the door and fix my hair so it falls forward over my face. I don’t even turn on the light before I unlock and open the door. I don’t want her to see the yellow faded bruising still left from Coy’swrath.
“Jess.” Deb’s concern etches with the lines of herfrown.
“I’m sorry, I was out of it.” I don’t even know what time it is, but by the darkness in the hallway, I must have slept allday.
“Jess, you feelingokay?”
“Not really.” I consider confiding in Deb, or maybe she already knows, but can’t quite push the words past mylips.
“Do you need anything? I can bring you up some crackers. Soup? Water?” It’s actually a relief she assumes I’m sick, so I go withit.
“No, I’m okay for now. Just need to sleep itoff.”
“Okay, then. You sure? I came up to ask if you wanted to help with dinner. I’m sorry, I didn’t know you weren’t feeling well. You need anything, anything at all, come get me, or call mycell.”
“I will.” But that’s alie.
“Feelbetter.”
I nod, shut the door, and stumble back to the bed where I wrap myself in blankets. My mind is still drowsy with sleep and ghosts of my past. Deb’s offer to bring something to help me feel better stings my heart. I wish she could help, but the sickness that eats at me is all my fault. They’re things I can’t take back. She can’t help with that, but as I drift back to sleep I wish shecould.
* * *
