Page 97 of Derailed
“Bedo.” Trent’s brow furrows and he nods at our manager. “You can leave now.” When Bedo doesn’t make a move, Trent’s tone turns serious. “We’re taking a short hiatus and no longer need your presence here. I’ll call you when we’re ready to get back towork.”
“You’re kicking me out?” His mouth fallsopen.
“No.” Trent shakes his head and a bark of laughter escapes his lips as he returns Bedo’s stare. “I’maskingyou to leave. I’mtellingyou we won’t be working for a couple ofdays.”
“But-but . . .” I’ve never seen Bedo stammer, not once. But that’s how shocked he is by Trent’s declaration. His eyes widen to unnatural proportions, and for a second I’m concerned he’s having a heart attack. “There are five goddamn days until thetour!”
“Yes, that’s what we want, right guys? You enjoy the break before you’re up our asses all summer.” Trent’s lips turn up with his smile. He holds Bedo’s stare, not backing down until our manager shoves to hisfeet.
“I don’t get paid enough for this shit.” He grumbles, grabs his leather briefcase, and stomps out the door. “I’ll leave my cell on for when you change yourmind!”
Austin flips the bird at his retreat and Trent struggles to hold in his laughter. If things were different I’d be laughing too, but worry for Iz occupies mymind.
“Thank you.” I tip my chin atTrent.
“We’re brothers. This is more important. Now, where do you think he’d go? Family?Friends?”
“No. He has noone.”
“He has you,” Jess says and the admiration she holds in her eyes fills me with determination to find him. She chews along her bottom lip. “How about someplace special? Some place that holds goodmemories.”
“Shit. That’s it! You’re fucking brilliant, Jess.” I push away from the counter and snag my keys from the drawer. “I’ll call if I find him. It’s notclose.”
“I’ll stay in case he decides to come here,” Austinoffers.
“My mom and I will drive around Hollywood. I know it’s a long shot, but it’s an easy place to score and Iz knowsthat.”
“Good idea. Everyone keep in touch. Cell phones charged. I’ll be back in a fewhours.”
“I’ll go with you,” Jess says softly. Her wide brown eyes hold so much question and insecurity. “That is, if you need aDJ?”
“The position is yours. Always was,” I say and turn away before I get carried away and start spilling my feelings. This isn’t the time or the place, but we will have an honest talk when all of this is behind us. I have so much to say toher.
“Everyone be safe. Be smart,” Austin calls as we head toward thegarage.
Buckled up, Jess turns to me as I inch out of our security gate, careful not to hit the few photographers who’ve stayed late into the night. “Where do you think heis?”
“I’m not sure. But I have a guess, so that’s as good as any place to start.” I turn toward the freeway. “Remember how he told us about TorreyPines?”
“The beach with the girl? Yes! That’s got to be it.” She claps, her hands folding into herlap.
“Let’s hope so.” I offer up a prayer that he really is there, or someone picks him up soon. My gut tells me the longer he’s out wandering the city, the harder it’ll be to get him back to rehab. The way he convulsed on stage and how close he came to death only weeks ago is a vivid memory in my mind.God, I hope we’re not toolate.
On the freeway, I hand her my phone. “Hit me with somethinggood?”
She shields herself from my view, her hair falling forward in her face, and I wish I knew what she was thinking. She takes my phone, careful not to brush my fingers with the exchange. I’d be hurt if I weren’t so damn glad to have her here with me. The fact Coy’s out of the band and she’s riding passenger has to be a goodsign.
Soft indie rock plays through the speakers as the miles pass. My eyelids drift and I have to fight to keep my attention on the road. I’m more tired than I realized and the glare from the sun along with a full day of travel makes me wish for my bed. Thank God it’s summer and we still have another good hour of light as we take the exit and turn into thepark.
“Keep your eyes peeled.” I blink mine and rub them. I follow the signs for the road that leads toward the different lookouts. “I think this goes through the entire park. I’ll driveslow.”
Jess nods and leans forward in her seat, and I ease off the gas. “You’retired.”
“Yeah, sorry.” I clear my throat. “I’m sorry for not being there today. I’m sorry you had to deal with everything alone. I should have beenthere.”
“I wasn’t alone. Deb and the guys . . .” She exhales a long sigh. “I don’t expect you to follow me around and fight mybattles.”
She doesn’t realize I can’t help it. I want her safe, even if I don’t get to be the knight in shining armor. I need her to be happy, but what if that equation doesn’t include me? It’s the question I’ve wrestled with in the days away from her. Does Jess even want me in her life? I thought what we shared was special. More than a fun night. Being with Jess felt like fate to my wanderlust heart. But if I’m the only one of us who feels so, then I need to find a way to make peace and move on. In the privacy of my car where neither of us can leave, this feels like a safe space to ask. “Can I ask you aquestion?”
