Page 14 of The Art of Loving Ellie
He shakes his head lightly. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong, Ellie.”
“Did you not have a good time?” I tilt my head in confusion as I stare up into the storm of emotions that seem to surge across his face.
“Of course I did.” He smiles at me, but it doesn’t quite touch his eyes. He sighs heavily, slowly making his way over to where I’m standing, crowding me as he looks down at my five-three figure. Lifting his hand, he grabs a piece of my long auburn ponytail and twirls the hair around his finger lightly while I try to pretend that small notion has no effect on me.
“I want to take you out again.” His eyes are searching for something I can’t give him right now, and I remind myself how getting attached only leads to heartbreak. Turning my thoughts to my parents, I look at them as a shining example. Robert pathetically fawned after my mother for years, and his so-called ‘love’ still wasn’t enough.
I blink a couple of times, unsure of how to tell him what I’m feeling. If there was ever a man I could see myself with, it would be Tyler—but I’m not ready for that, and I don’t know that I ever will be. “We had a deal,” I tell him, reminding him that this is a trade for a service I desperately need him to provide.
He ignores my statement, gently cupping the side of my neck and rubs his thumb back and forth over my cheek tenderly. My heart freezes in my chest when he leans forward to press his lips against mine, and just as I feel the whisper of their touch, I turn away.
I timidly glance back at him, scared that I’ve just ruined whatever this is between us, but he surprises me by chuckling softly. Is he crazy?
Tyler lets out a long sigh, “Well, I can’t say that I’m ready, but it’s late, and I should probably get you home.” He attempts to lead me back toward the direction we were going.
“W—wait, you’re not upset with me? I’m sorry, Tyler I just—”I’m conflicted.
He winks, an understanding smile spreading across his full lips, but his eyes are telling me a different story. He looks…determined. “Don’t sweat it, Princess.”
We’re silent on the ride home, both of us deep in thought, and when we reach my apartment, he idles in the parking garage for a few minutes. He takes my hand, gracing it with a light kiss. “I suppose I’ll see you next Friday?”
Warmth unwillingly spreads its way through me at his tender touch. I may deny his advances, but I can’t deny the responses he evokes from my body. “I suppose you are correct,” I say lightly, relieved that he is still willing to help at the Twilight Gallery.
I get out of Helga and lean against the open door. “Tyler.” He raises his eyes to meet mine, and I hesitate, unsure of what to say to him. “I had an amazing time tonight,” I tell him, honestly.
“Goodnight, Ellie.” He smiles and waves to me as he drives off, and I’m loath to make my way upstairs to my lonely little apartment.
I toss my belongings down on the floor in front of my entryway and throw myself onto the couch. Lying there for a good while, I think over tonight, and how unbelievable it all was. I turn my head back toward my front door and focus on my stolen treasure. There, lying on top of my coat sits Tyler’s tan jacket.
“I can’t do this,” I whisper to myself. I can’t tell Tyler how damaged I am, or any of the other messed up things that make me… me. Why can I never let myself enjoy something good?
You don’t deserve it, my thoughts wickedly whisper.
I get up and crawl under the covers on my bed, closing my eyes and begging sleep to find me. I toss and turn for what feels like hours and I’m unable to shake one giant, blinking-red question in my mind.
How am I possibly going to tell him I can’t see him anymore?
Chapter Five
“You did what!” Alexandre stares at me in disbelief of the night I had with Tyler. I rub my temples, exhausted and not ready to deal with all the fuss. Taking a sip of his coffee, he paces around our studio, waving a hand as he continues to scold me. “You do realize that being out in Central Park late at night isn’t the wisest of choices? And you’re telling me you followed him into some sketchy neighborhood just so you could dance? There are, precisely, one million different clubs that you could have gone to.”
I can’t help but grin at his overprotectiveness. “Alex, come on, I’m a grown woman. I can handle myself, trust me.”
He looks stunning, per usual; always so put together with his fancy clothes and fancy shoes. As he continues his pacing, the shimmer of glitter catches my eye at the top of his chest where his dress shirt reveals a smooth tan patch of skin. “This coming from the ‘grown woman’ who has barely seen the city since moving here, and now she’s off gallivanting through it with some handsome stranger!”
I walk over to where he stands in front of the acrylic painting he’s been working on for the event, and give him a playful swat on his backside. “There’s nothing for you to be worried about.”
He reaches down and grabs my hand, turning me to face him. “Sugar, you know I just want you to be safe, okay? I don’t know this boy, and I certainly don’t trust him to take care of my girl.”
My eyes close and I take a deep breath, preparing to defend myself. “Alex—”
He places his pointer finger in the center of my chest. “I’m serious, I want you to be careful with that heart of yours.”
“My heart is just fine. Besides, I plan on telling him I can’t see him anymore after the gallery.” I gently push his hand away, breaking eye contact with him. This decision is one I came to reluctantly, but it’s necessary if I’m going to stay focused on fixing what’s wrong with me and my lack of creativity.
He pauses, and I can see his baby blue eyes searching my face from my periphery. “Oh, Ellie, being careful doesn’t mean you can’t have a relationship—”
I bring my hand up turning my gaze to his, cutting his thought short. “No, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” This thing between Tyler and myself has been weighing on me. It’s been hard enough working it out in my own head, let alone adding someone else into the mix. There’s silence between us for a few moments, and I can tell he wants to say more, but he nods his head in understanding and we step closer to inspect his most recent work.
