Page 33 of The Art of Loving Ellie
“Gotcha!” I laugh, and to my surprise, he laughs with me.
“Wow, Gramps, she got you good!” Jessica, one of the twins, giggles at him, and the rest of the family joins us in laughter.
“Yeah, yeah.” He dismisses our teasing with a wave of his hand. “You just wait until next year. I’m gonna get you good.”
Uncle Troy helps him to his feet, but I feel frozen in place. Tyler’s family is amazing, and it would be easy to see myself visiting again—but I didn’t realize that coming here would mean I was a permanent part of the family. I try my hardest to pretend to be unfazed by what he’s said, but I can’t shake the feeling of a noose tightening around my neck.
Next year?
∞∞∞
It’s been dark out for a while now, and Tyler and I are listening to an argument between Uncle Troy and Theo over which football team is better—the Jets or the Giants, when he leans down to tell me we need to head out soon.
“Okay,” I laugh, shaking my head as they start to raise their voices at each other. “I’m just going to run to the restroom really quick.” I try the door to the one upstairs, but it’s locked, so I head down to the second one between the two open spaces that Gramps and Theo occupy.
When I step out of the bathroom, I hear hushed voices coming from the garage. It’s dark downstairs, but I notice light coming out of the small window on the door that leads to where the sounds are coming from. Deciding to investigate, I peek through the window, and see Tyler’s parents standing in an empty space in front of their cars.
They appear to be dancing as Joe holds Terri’s right hand in his left, with his other arm gently placed around her back—pressing her tightly to him as they sway to a silent melody only the two of them can hear. He whispers something to her that makes her laugh gently, and she turns her head into his chest. I can all but feel their love radiating off of them, and it’s so bizarrely foreign to me. I can’t take my eyes off them as I watch Mr. Mitchell pull his life-long love in for a kiss.
“Makes you kind of sick, huh?” I jump back from the door quickly with my heart in my throat, embarrassed to be caught eavesdropping by Tyler’s grandpa.
“I just—I um,” I start to stammer and he chuckles at me.
“You know, Ty’s grandma and I were just like them once upon a time.” I can barely make out Gramps’ figure in the near lightless room, but the strain in his voice tells me he's starting to get emotional. “She died several years ago from cancer. Completely gutted me.” His sentences are clipped, and a blanket of sadness envelopes me as I listen to him. “We practically grew up together, you know? I can remember loving her since the very moment I laid eyes on her.”
I reach out to touch his shoulder tenderly. “I truly wish I could have met her. Tyler speaks fondly of her.”
He places his rough, calloused hand over mine and gives it a gentle squeeze. “She was the most beautiful of her sisters, and they were always so jealous. Once, when we were younger, the three of them decided to chop all of her hair off in her sleep.
“We all attended the same elementary school at the time, and that next day, Mary wore a hat to try and hide what her deceitful younger sisters had done to her. Hats weren’t allowed at school, and teach made Mary take her hat off, right there in front of the whole class.” My eyes have adjusted to the darkness and I look at him while he speaks, entranced by the story of his lost love.
“As soon as she removed her cap, everyone in the classroom started laughing and teasing her. I didn’t like that, you see, and when I found out that her sisters had done that to her, I went outside and found three little black bugs, and put one in each of their hair.” I gently laugh at his story; he was a prankster even then.
“She demanded that afternoon that I go steady with her, and what else could I say but yes? Even though we were in grade school at the time, we were the best of friends for many years, and eventually, I asked her to marry me. I just couldn’t find it in myself to let her go…” He trails off, barely able to finish his thought, and tears are gathering in my eyes at the anguish in his voice.
“Bah. You probably don’t want to listen to an old man carry on.” He lets go of my hand, turning out of my hold.
I smile at him and sniffle. “Thank you for sharing a piece of her with me. She sounds like a beautiful woman, inside and out.”
“Ty looks at you the same way I always looked at my Mary.” My heart stutters a little at the mention of his grandson. “I’m not sure what’s going on between the two of you, but you should know he's a sucker for a challenging woman with a big heart.” I gulp down my anxiety about feeling attached to him in this way. I greatly want to give Tyler and me a chance, but things are moving so quickly that my head is spinning.
“Funny thing about fate is, she comes knocking when you least expect her. If you don’t answer her call, she moves on, and most of the time… she doesn’t look back.” He retreats to his bed, and his parting words ring around in my head when I make my way back up the stairs to find the man that I’m so intimidated by.
I’m hugged and thanked for coming, and as we say our goodbyes, those familiar inky-black feelings creep up around me. I don’t deserve any of their care or acceptance. I want more than anything to wrap myself up in the happiness I was gifted with this evening, but I can’t. I’m not good enough for them, or Tyler.
When we park in the parking garage at my apartment, the air in the car is thick and awkward and Tyler lets out a sigh. “I want to apologize if my family made you feel uncomfortable. I know they can be a bit much to handle.” For once, he’s not the calm and collected man he’s always portraying himself to be. In fact, he looks vulnerable. My eyes shift to his fingers, nervously tapping the steering wheel as he speaks, and I hate that I’m making him feel that way.
“No Tyler, please don’t think that. Your family is wonderful, and I’m truly thankful you invited me.”
He lets out a sound of relief and reaches over for my hand, but I resist, not giving it to him. His eyebrows draw together in confusion, and he sits back, put off by my rejection. “What is it then?”
I see the confusion on his face at my behavior and I’m overwhelmed. It’s too much for me to think that I could take this on, or try to make this work. What kind of relationship can I give this man? Meeting his eyes, I sigh. “I’m… a failure.”
I scoff at myself, and the sound is harsh between us. “I’m a college graduate, who doesn’t even utilize the degree she worked so hard to get. I work as an assistant to one of the greatest artists in New York City, and the truth is,” I gulp down my nerves, working past the tightness in my throat, “I’m supposed to be collaborating with him. It’s the whole reason why I moved to New York in the first place, and now, I’m not even sure if I’ll ever be able to.” I glance out the window, searching for anything to keep my focus on.
“What you’re refusing to see is that I’m screwed up, Tyler. That the truth is, I come with a lot of baggage, and surely you can see how getting attached to you is just another complication for me? One day, we are going to wake up and realize that this isn’t what we thought it was going to be, and I don’t—” I swallow the knot in my throat, “I don’t want to be a mistake to you.”
It’s so quiet inside the car that I can only hear the sound of my rapid breathing.
