Page 48 of The Art of Loving Ellie
“Ellie.” Her voice is shaky and I can tell immediately that something isn’t right. The bottom of my stomach drops out, and I fear that she’s going to give me some terrible news.
“I was waiting to see if things were going to get better before I called you, but Robert has taken a turn for the worst, honey.” A turn for the worst? I can’t register her meaning, and I begin to shake my head. “He’s gotten a bad bout of pneumonia and he’s struggling hard to fight it off. He was admitted to the hospital here last night.”
“But he should have just arrived in Dallas, I don’t understand?” I continue to shake my head in disbelief, but then I remember his cough the other night when we spoke on the phone. Pneumonia develops rapidly, and it must have gotten worse with him traveling to her house. In the back of my mind, I know that this is a death sentence for someone so far in the cancer diagnosis, but denial becomes me.
“I know. We aren’t certain what this means for him, but I feel that it’s best if you get down here quickly.” I hate the tone in her voice; it feels like she’s giving up already.
“Okay, I will book the quickest flight out of here that I can. I’ll text you when I get it set up.” I assure her.
“I love you, baby girl.” I tell her that I love her too, and drop my phone into my lap feeling numb. He’s going to make it—I know he will. I can’t allow the idea of him passing to cross my mind at this moment.
“What’s going on?” Tyler’s gentle inquiry comes from behind me. In all of the chaos, I almost forgot that he was here.
He opens his arms to me and I crawl over to him, molding myself into his side, seeking any comfort I can get. “Aunt Jane said my dad is in the hospital with pneumonia. I have to leave immediately.” I don’t recognize the tightly strained voice escaping my throat. I swallow a few times, trying to rid myself of the knot residing there.
“I’m so sorry,” he begins, but I cut him off, almost angrily.
“No. Don’t do that. He’s going to be fine. We can’t give up on him yet.” I’m shaking my head back and forth, over and over. Hewillget through this, and I will be able to mend our broken past. I’ll be damned if I can’t at least try to fix the damage that’s been done between us.
After a long while of Tyler laying with me in silence, he kisses me gently. “I don’t want to leave you, but I’ve got to go into the office for a little while.”
I nod, avoiding looking at him. It’s not his fault that he has to go to work, but it hurts for him to leave all the same. “Okay.”
He places his warm hand across my cheek and tilts my head slightly toward him searching my eyes. “Do you want me to come back by after work?”
I can’t bear to be such an inconvenience for him, making him comfort and look after me. “No, no. It’s okay, really. I think I’ll just spend a little time alone.” He stares into my eyes and I can see the hurt behind his at my pushing him away, but he nods in acceptance, respecting my wish.
Once he leaves, all the bad feelings I keep locked up tight, deep down in my mind, begin to wrap their poisonous claws around me.This is why you can’t be happy.Sweat breaks out across my forehead as I start to panic. What if something happens to him and I can’t be there to say goodbye?
No, I have to stop thinking like that if we’re all going to get through this. I steel my resolve and tell myself that he will not die; he’s going to hang on a while longer. Grabbing my laptop, I take a seat on my couch and log on to look at the different flights available. Whispering my mantra over and over that he will be okay, I book the flight.
∞∞∞
Late Friday night, Richard pulls us up to the front of my aunt’s house, and I feel the pit of despair in my stomach spreading like a cancer of my own. Richard lays a hand over my knee, giving it a comforting squeeze, and I try my hardest to give him a genuine smile.
“It’s gonna be okay, darlin’,” he reassures me. I’ve tried to tell myself that same thing so many times over the last few days, but now that I’m here, it only amplifies the opposite. I haven’t been able to shed a single tear, and I wonder to myself why that is as even now, I want to cry my heart out for the unfairness and cruelty of it all.
We make our way up the porch steps, and I step into the familiar foyer I stood in just weeks ago. Aunt Jane is there waiting for me with her arms wide open, wearing silk pajamas and a thick blanket draped around her shoulders as tears begin filling her soft blue eyes. I immediately go to her, wrapping my arms tightly around her and breathe in her lemon-lavender scent. She's the only thing in this moment that is keeping me sane and grounded.
“Oh, Ellie,” she breathes out a heavy sigh, “I’m so sorry.”
It dawns on me abruptly that this is why she was pushing me so hard to speak with him when I was here last. I lean back out of her embrace to look at her. “You knew?”
Solemnly, she nods her head yes. “I hope you can forgive me for not telling you, but it wasn’t my information to give.”
It hurts that she would keep such a huge secret from me, but I understand. She wanted my father to have a chance to tell me himself, and I know that knowing our past, it was going to be equally hard on both of us.
“It’s okay, Aunt Jane. There’s nothing to forgive.” I give her a tight smile, and she hugs me firmly again.
“Why don’t we get you upstairs in bed to rest. I know you’ve had a long week and I’m sure you’re exhausted.” I nod my head in agreeance, and I follow her upstairs to the same bedroom I stayed in when I was here last.
“When can I see him?” I lay my things on my bed once we reach my room, and she helps me unpack.
“I’m hoping tomorrow morning. The doctors are being strict about his visitors right now.” I watch her as she helps me fold my belongings and put them away. I packed two suitcases full of my things in case I stay longer than anticipated. After all, I am currently unemployed.
Thinking about Alex darkens my mood. “Alexandre fired me,” I say around a large lump in my throat.
She stops what she’s doing to look at me, shocked. “Why in the world would he do somethin’ as stupid as that?”
