Page 57 of The Art of Loving Ellie
I want to be furious with him, and I search my heart and soul for the angry words I should throw at him for being so apathetic towards me during our argument—but, I come up short. The truth is, I’m so happy to see him here that I want to weep all over again, and I swear if I actually had the energy to cry, I would.
Shuffling my way to the couch, I sit down, letting out a deep sigh. I look at him curiously when he starts searching my kitchen cabinets for something.
“What are you doing?” He finds a bag of chamomile tea and begins heating a mug of hot water in the microwave. We are silent the entire time he’s preparing the tea, and when he walks over to me handing me the cup, I take it, looking at him suspiciously. “Thank you?”
Alex sits down on the couch next to me, throwing one long leg over the opposite knee, and stares at me. I can smell the expensive leather of his shoes as I steep my tea, not meeting his gaze.
“I’m sorry.” The apology is unexpected, and I stop what I’m doing to glance over at him. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t understanding about your father and what you were going through emotionally, Ellie. If I’m being completely honest with myself, I acted like a complete ass.” I snort returning my attention to steeping.
“All this time that I’ve known you, you’ve only told me bits and pieces of your past—a past you keep locked up tight I might add. I guess I just assumed that you and your father were estranged.” He looks away, lost in thought for a moment.
“You know, when I came out to my father, he forced me out of the house, telling me to never contact him or anyone in our family ever again. It broke me for a little while, and I suppose you could say that I’ve got some daddy issues of my own,” he chuckles to himself, and I give him a halfhearted smile.
“So feeling as I do about my own father, it never occurred to me that you may have previously had a deeper relationship with him, and that you still cared about him greatly. So for that, I am sorry.” I glance sideways over at his tall, lanky form to see that he’s staring at me intently. The war of emotions running across his face shows me that he’s being sincere.
I smile, sadly. “It’s okay, Alex. Truthfully, I’ve not been there for you the way I’ve needed to be, and for that, I oweyouan apology. You deserve so much better, and I’m sorry for not being present and being a crappy friend.”
He reaches over, taking my hand in his. “You are exactly what I deserve, and I came here today to tell you just as much.” He places a gentle, forgiving kiss to the back of my hand. “Tyler came by the studio yesterday,” he informs me, and my heart starts to thunder in my chest wildly at the mention of his name. He squeezes my hand tenderly adding, “He told me that your father passed away. I’m so sorry for your loss.” I nod, acknowledging the fact that he's truly gone. “But that isn’t the only thing he brought to my attention.”
A smirk spreads across his face. “He expressed to me, in not so subtle words, that you deserved better than how I treated you when we had our argument, and if I didn’t get my shit together, you were going to move back to Texas and become famous without me.”
I’m completely shocked by what he's telling me. Why would Tyler talk to Alex on my behalf, and why would he say something so outlandish as that?
“Well, let me tell you something,” he reaches over and pulls me to him tightly, “that is not going to happen. You’re my girl, and whatever you’re going through, we will get through together, but I do want to tell you one thing—” Reaching up to my mess of hair, he pulls my ponytail loose, letting my auburn locks cascade onto our shoulders.
Putting my ponytail onto his wrist he says, “This, is not my Ellie. My Ellie is a fighter, a dreamer, and a doer. You have never backed down from any challenge I have ever given you, and this phase of your life is no different. I know you pushed Tyler away because you’re scared, and I know your heart is hurting for the loss of a missed opportunity with your dad, but you can’t run away forever.”
I shake my head. “You don’t understand, Alex. I want to be the girl you’re saying that I am, but I don’t know how to become her. I don’t know how to love someone the way Tyler deserves.” Sadness creates an elephant-like pressure sitting on my chest, making it hard for me to finish my thought. “I don’t know how to get my passion for painting back either.”
He presses his finger to my breast bone. “Your love and passion for painting is still in there, strong as ever. I have never believed in someone as much as I believe in you.” Warmth spreads in my chest where he lightly presses. “And Tyler? Well, you don’t have to knowhowto love him, because you already do.”
My eyes widen at that realization.Do I love Tyler Mitchell?
He makes me crazy—but he’s also thoughtful and tender, adventurous, and carefree. Every part of me that I wish I could change, Tyler completes, and my heart stutters a little as I think about the possibility of loving him wholeheartedly, and chasing down our dreams together.
Sitting up, he turns back to look at me. “Take a day or two to get yourself together. Call your aunt and tell her your ass is staying in New York, per my orders, and I want to see you back in the studio Monday so we can get ready for the gala.” He slaps my knee encouragingly and stands up to straighten himself.
I turn my eyes up to meet his, feeling incredibly raw and emotional after our exchange. “Thank you.”
He tilts his head a little giving me a smirk. “Get over here and give me a hug!”
I jump up from the couch and run into his wide embrace. I almost weep from the contact. I’ve needed this human touch for weeks now, and I allow the tenderness of it to envelope me.
“I love you, Sugar,” he whispers into my hair.
“I love you, too,” I say, and I mean it.
Chapter Nineteen
It’s freezing outside and the city is alive with workers, shoppers, and tourists, as we near Christmas Eve. I’ve bundled up as tightly as I can to make my trek to Charlie’s for some coffee for Alex and me.
I had a dream last night that my dad and I were walking along a beach somewhere. The water lapped at our feet, and we were casually holding hands as we walked—something we have never done, even before my resentment started building towards him.
The sun was just setting, and the golden glow of it embraced us both in a gentle warmth. I remember thinking that the water was the perfect temperature, and we both wore easy smiles as we talked about something that I can’t recall now.
It was odd to see myself so at peace with him like that, but when I woke up, there were no tears, sadness, or anger. I felt completely relieved of all the pain and anxiety that has plagued me for the last several weeks.
I decided that Alex and Aunt Jane are right—I can’t keep running from what scares me. I’ve got to embrace the uncomfortable things, and face them head-on, no backing down. In reaching this decision, I felt compelled to reach out to Tyler.
