Page 22 of Betting Blind
I ponder that for a moment. “You think he truly likes me?”
“Men don’t look at women the way Jack looks at you, Cassidy.” She grabs the remote and clicks on a movie, and we snuggle in close, leaving me to contemplate.
After a few moments, she slurs a bit when she asks, “Do you like him?”
“I do,” I admit, surprised by my confidence. Jack is loyal and funny when he wants to be. He’s hot as hell, and watching him run his bar and take charge of his crew is the ultimate turn-on. This…thingbetween us has become an itch I can’t scratch, but the satisfaction of how it would feel to do so has my heart thumping.
“You should tell him.”
I nod. “Yeah, maybe I will. I’m in charge of my own novel, after all.”
Chapter 11
Jack
Idrop my keys into the lumpy clay dish that was Derrick’s reject art project when we were sophomores in high school. It’s the ugliest fucking thing I’ve ever seen, and when he awkwardly handed it to me for my birthday that year, I didn’t have the heart to throw it away.
My house is stale from lack of movement, and I sniff, taking note of the days’ old pizza molding over in the box on the stove. I set my phone down and grab the box, taking it out back to the dumpster, and for the first time in a long time, loneliness rears its ugly head.
What was supposed to be Ben’s and my house ended up being a bachelor pad for me, myself, and I. The only company I usually get around here is Derrick, but we see enough of each other at The Pound.
Derrick was a goofy-looking guy all throughout high school. He had big teeth with braces and wild, curly blond hair, which got him made fun of a lot. Given how tall and lanky he is, he should have been able to hold his own, but D didn’t grow up with a brother like me, and he’d never been in a fight. I noticed how often he got picked on, and being that aggression is my middle name, picking fights with those who bullied him was no skin off my nose.
The guy has seen me through some dark times, and even some of what I thought were the best moments of my life. Like when I bought the deed to the building I would eventually turn into my business—my pride and joy.
I look around my decently sized backyard before walking back into the house. It’s the perfect amount of space for a family and for a minute, I imagine what it might look like for someone like me to have kids running around and a wife smiling back at me. I’d be grilling, minding my own business, and the three of them would ambush me with water balloons. I’d chase them around and their little giggles would make my heart break, but in the best way.
I shake my head.What the fuck?Maybe I should get a dog.
I survey the emptiness of my wide-open living room with one lone recliner facing a small TV. My bones ache and strain as I make my way back to the kitchen, and I pause to stretch the noisy joints. I’ve been so distracted with work lately that I’ve hardly had a moment to rest. Leaning against the large granite island, I stare at the long wall separating this area from the living room. Sleek black cabinets frame a stainless-steel hutch that hangs over my gas stove. Cooking is a hidden passion of mine, so when I was searching for a house, having a large space to work in was a must. The small dining room to my right with a built-in wet bar was a bonus.
I prefer things simple and easy. Which is why I’m struggling to get a hold of my growing feelings for Cassidy. The scare she and Juliana had tonight only spurred more confusion. Could they be…? No. I shove the paranoia away. I said goodbye to that part of my life long ago. There’s no reason for someone to be keeping tabs on me now.
Normally, I force a lid on my wandering thoughts, but in the silence of my home, I allow my mind to show me her brilliant blonde hair and bright, inviting smile. She was remarkable tonight, putting Tank in his place. I’ve noticed the fucker stare at her, making her feel uncomfortable, but I knew she wouldn’t take kindly to me coming to her rescue—another admirable trait of hers.
Cassidy has a way of commanding the room. She’s fiercely independent and determined to prove herself, which is sexy as hell. She handles anything that’s thrown at her with grace, and every man in that bar has noticed—including me. She bounces around in those tiny shorts and less-than-modest tank top, all while the biggest and baddest bikers drool after her. It took me years to gain the trust of the gangs who frequent The Pound, yet she’s got them wrapped around her finger in a matter of a couple of weekends.
I’ve had to stop myself from getting defensive with the idiots who hit on her or make passes. She doesn’t need me chasing anyone off for her, and besides, she never entertains their notions. Instead, she gives them a sweet smile, finishes whatever task she’s on, and moves along. Cassidy’s too good for them, even if she doesn’t realize it. Hell, she’s too good for me too, but damn if I don’t feel like trying.
I walk to my bathroom to rinse off the smoke and sweat from the night. The shower has a black stone floor with a shower head attached to the ceiling that creates a rain effect. It’s my favorite place to unwind and gather my thoughts.
I tilt my head back and let the hot water trickle down my body as I wonder what the guys who tried to intimidate Cassidy and Juliana want, and why. It’s the question I’ve been asking myself for most of the night. Seeing her afraid and shaken up like that when she’s normally so levelheaded and cool had my heart pumping with adrenaline. Derrick all but told me to shut the fuck up about it, but it’s troubling.
My skin is slick with water, but I feel my pores itch with fear. If Cassidy finds out who I was before The Pound, she may never speak to me again. An invisible weight drags my shoulders down as my anxiety grows. I denied myself the chance of developing feelings for Cassidy, but now that I’m acknowledging them, I almost wish I could undo it.
She can’t get hurt because of me.
I somehow find my way to my childhood—something I don’t usually think about, but the emotions from tonight stir up old memories. It’s ironic how the tides have turned as Ben and I have grown into adulthood. He was always my protector and constantly saving me from myself, even when I pushed back. My attitude and rebellion led to a lot of fistfights, but I don’t regret a single fight I lost. Ben helped raise me into the steadfast, hardworking man I am today.
I had told Cassidy that our family had roots in Belfast, and it’s true. My father’s grandfather was raised in Ireland but decided to move to the States and start a family here. What I didn’t tell her was that we were basically orphans and left to our own devices for a great part of our lives.
Dark memories of Ben hiding us in his closet while our parents screamed and yelled at each other creep out from the recesses of my mind. He would hold my hand tightly while I tried not to piss my pants from fear of not knowing when or if our father would turn on us next. Ben begged me not to say anything to my teachers, but I couldn’t take one more night of hiding. I couldn’t take one more night of random men and women coming into our home late at night, trading narcotics for favors and money. I was fortunate enough to have escaped the worst of it, but I can’t say the same for my brother.
I blur through the sadness that follows those memories and instead, I focus on my grandfather’s warm, wrinkled face. Pressing a hand to my chest, I rub the spot, working out the knot under my ribcage. He welcomed us with open arms when the social worker brought us to his doorstep after we’d been separated from our parents. He was living on his own and had been ever since our dad disassociated himself from him.
That day, he took on two young, fucked-up boys he hadn’t even known existed, and slowly, we began to meld into his everyday life. It still amazes me that we weren’t thrown into foster care after all the hell we raised, but he was determined to see us turn into great men. Men he could be proud of.
Not a day goes by that I don’t regret leaving him, but Ben wanted out and as his loyal little brother, I had no choice but to go. I would have followed Ben anywhere, and that’s exactly what I did. It didn’t matter that we were fed and taken care of or that we had someone there for us who gave a damn. Ben was like a caged animal trying to escape, and I know a small part of our grandfather knew we needed to go.
