Page 105 of Waging War
Ben’s deep blue eyes remain unfocused for a moment before finally fixating on mine. When he doesn’t say anything, I rock on my heels. “I, um… yeah. I’m really glad to see you.”
I’m trying to hold it together, but every second that ticks by is torturous. I want to fling myself onto his lap and wrap my arms around him until I’ve cried all the tears I’ve held in over the last week.
“Hazel?” Curiosity colors his tone and his brows pinch.
I drag the chair behind me toward the bed and sit. “Did that bullet knock a few screws loose in there?” I ask, tapping his forehead.
When he moves to sit forward, I shoot to my feet. “Ben! What the hell are you doing? Don’t move so fast.”
He groans loudly, grabbing his side as I fuss over him, looking for the source of pain.
“Hazel.” He grumbles my name as if it’s the only word he knows.
“Shit. Sit back, you big lug. You’re going to hurt yourself.”
With one hand on his side and his shoulders hunched in pain, he hisses through his teeth, “Say… please…”
It takes my brain a second to catch up with my fluttering heart. I’m utterly devastated when he holds his open palm out for me and gives methatsmile.
The one reserved just for me.
I carefully take his hand and sit on the edge of his bed beside his hip. “You’re a bastard.”
Ben’s forehead falls to mine as he laces our fingers together, and for a moment, I do nothing but listen to our quiet breaths.
“When I was shot… my body went into shock, and my mind took me to a strange place. You were with me, but everything was warm and inviting. There was only me and you and a perfectly white room.”
I cringe to hear of his near-death experience.
“Did it hurt?” I whisper.
“Only at first. Then nothing hurt anymore… not even when it should have.”
I’m afraid to ask. “What do you mean?”
“I could hear you crying for me. I felt so confused and helpless.” Pulling me as close as he can, he takes a steadying breath. “It should have hurt. I wish it would have hurt.”
“Shh. It’s okay,” I coax when a shudder racks his big body.
“I love you, Hazel. I love you so fucking much that it physically pains me to spend a minute away from you. Your hurt is my hurt, and your fears are my fears. Even when we’re butting heads, I still want to kiss that smartass mouth of yours.”
“I’m not a smartass—”
Ben draws my lips toward his and kisses me once. It’s smooth and gentle, but the second kiss is greedy and demanding. When he returns for a third, I meet him frantically.
“I love you, Ben.” His name is an anchor for my soul as I mumble it against him. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.” I pause a moment to look at him. “Not in a way that you miss an old friend, but in a way that completely and totally destroyed me.”
His mouth finds mine again as his hand slides along my thigh toward my hip. He holds himself steady, giving me hungry kisses until we’re somewhat satiated.
How was I ever worried that we’d lost this? This manconsumesme. Nothing and no one could ever take that away.
Not even fate herself.
The pad of his thumb lazily swipes at my cheek. “Please don’t cry, baby.”
I didn’t even realize I was.
Batting at my cheeks, I sniff. “I thought I lost you. I-I turned around and blood… It was everywhere. Just like the night with Dad. Only this time, there wasn’t another thought in my mind except killing the man who did that to you.”
