Page 25 of First Comes Marriage
Using the slightest pressure, he pulled her arm so she turned towards him a bit more and then, softly, he spoke her name. ‘Reshma?’
Her eyes were downcast, looking at the damp sand between them. She rolled her lips inwards and her nostrilsflared as fresh tears fell down her cheeks. She didn’t say anything as she took a small step forward and rested her forehead against his chest.
The depth of her sorrow brought a lump to his throat and he gently put his arm around her shoulder, holding her close as he moved his other arm to rest against her lower back. He tightened his hold on her when she didn’t push him away or pull away herself. Instead, she rested her head just under his chin.
He felt her body shudder as his T-shirt dampened, but all he did was tighten his arms around her. One arm was around his waist and the other was held against his body, fisting his T-shirt in her fingers. Zafar rubbed his hand in soothing circular motions on her back a couple of times before securing his hold on her again. He lowered his lips and kissed the top of her head before resting his cheek on the same spot, willing all her pain and sadness away, as he stood there silently.
How was it, that in all this time, he’d never stopped to actually truly connect with the woman he had married and now, in the space of a few days, he was suddenly overcome with grief at the sight of her tears and anguish? Anyone would think that after blowing cold all this time with her, he’d suddenly turned the tap to hot, and they wouldn’t be wrong. That was exactly what it looked like. One minute he didn’t want to come with her, and now there was nowhere else he’d rather be.
But how could he expect her to trust him when his commitment towards her was so wishy-washy? What right did he have to offer her comfort, especially given how little he’d given her so far?
She was in a vulnerable place and with only him around, it was understandable that she hadn’t pushed him away andhad sought comfort in his arms, but that didn’t mean it was all hunky-dory between them. He had so much work to do to earn this woman’s trust, if he even deserved it. But he would try. He would try his hardest to become worthy of Reshma’s trust and affection, that much he was absolutely certain about.
He tightened his hold on her anew and after several minutes of silent sobbing, he heard a small hiccup and Reshma moved her face to the side, resting her cheek against him as she looked towards the water once more. He could see the glisten of tear tracks on her face and the tip of her nose was pink, wrinkling as she sniffled.
‘How can you be his favourite son-in-law when he won’t even say more than six words to me?’ Her voice was thick with tears. ‘How much of a glutton for punishment am I that in all these years, I’ve still not learnt my lesson that he doesn’t care? I still expect something from him.’ She pulled her face back and looked up at him, the heartbreak in her eyes crystal clear. ‘And how ungrateful am I, that with such a loving uncle and aunt who stepped in to raise me when they didn’t have to, I’m still seeking acceptance from a man who will never give it to me? In no time at all, I feel like that eight-year-old again, waiting for him to notice me.’
Zafar felt his heart clench at the sorrow reflected in Reshma’s voice, which broke on every other word. He moved his arms from around her and gently cupped her face in his hands. ‘First off, you are not ungrateful. You wouldn’t know how to be ungrateful, Reshma. It’s perfectly natural to want your only surviving parent to want you, to accept you and to love you. That doesn’t make you ungrateful by any stretch of the imagination. And that leads me onto the second thing. You’re not a gluttonfor punishment either. The fault here lies squarely with Ahsan Mir, no one else. And I have no desire to be such a man’s favourite anything. Especially if he can’t see how wonderful you are.’
She shook her head fervently and he dropped his arms, resting them around her once more. ‘No. I’m not. Do you know how many chances he had to have me be a part of his life? Twenty years’ worth of chances. I think it’s pretty clear what he feels and thinks about me. I just need to get my brain and my stupid heart on the same page.’ She took a shuddering breath, her hands clenched into fists against his pecs. She was looking at the neckline of his T-shirt in anger. ‘Every step of the way, his feelings have been clear, it’s just been me who refuses to see them for what they are. And, like an idiot, I carry that with me in every relationship and then wonder why I don’t get anything back.’
Was she talking aboutthem? She must be, and the thought of being grouped with Ahsan Mir, even the little he knew about him, had Zafar feeling disgusted with himself. It was as clear as day that it was the people who had let Reshma down that were in the wrong, not her, and that included him, much to his shame.
Reshma dropped her hands and moved back, making Zafar loosen his hold on her. She walked towards a small cluster of palm trees and sat down on the sand under them, facing the ocean. Zafar followed her and lowered himself onto the ground beside her. He bent his legs at the knees and rested his arms on them as he too faced the ocean. Reshma took the same pose, except her arms were looped around her knees as she rested her chin on them, looking utterly exhausted. Thankfully, she wasn’t crying but the waves of sadness coming off her were palpable.
The sun was playing hide-and-seek behind the heavy clouds that loomed in the distance. There was humidity in the air and the prospect of a thunderstorm seemed pretty likely.
Zafar turned Reshma’s way when he heard her take a deep breath and let it out on a long sigh.
‘Thank you for coming out after me. I appreciate it.’
‘Please don’t thank me for that, Reshma.’ It was something that should have been a given between them. If she was upset, she should have had the confidence that he had her back, but that wasn’t where they were, so instead she felt she had to be thankful when he did the bare minimum. Zafar shook his head, realising how much ground he had to make up.
They sat quietly for a few minutes. Reshma lowered her knees and sat cross-legged, picking up a handful of sand and then pouring it out, making a tiny mound in front of her.
‘Will you be all right seeing everyone later?’ They were gathering for another dinner that evening and in the coming days there were many events and gatherings where everyone would be in attendance, including the newcomers.
She nodded. ‘Yeah.’ Her voice was slightly hoarse as she spoke and he could see the after-effects of crying around her eyes. ‘I’ll be fine. It’s not like they’ll bother with me anyway.’
Zafar huffed. ‘I can’t understand how any father can be like that with his child, especially when that’s the only link he has to her mother.’
‘Maybe that’s why.’
Zafar looked at her sharply at that. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, he’s never said it outright, but I get the feeling that maybe he thinks his relationship with my mother isbest forgotten. A mistake which he ended up getting tied down to because of me. I’ve heard that they chose to marry each other because they were inlove. They’d only known one another for six months before they got married and it was only after getting married that their differences started coming to the surface. They started having disagreements and their relationship became quite fractious.’
‘Disagreements are normal in relationships. It takes time to adjust to your partner after marriage, doesn’t it? Any of that is hardly your fault.’ And he hadn’t missed her emphasis on the wordlove, a feeling she seemed to be deeply unhappy with.
She gave a humourless chuckle. ‘It is when they decided to separate and then my mum found out that she was pregnant, forcing them to give their relationship another go. Both their parents thought it would be the perfect thing for them to have a baby because it would bring them closer together. Newsflash – it didn’t. It put a further strain on their relationship. I wasn’t enough to pull their relationship out of the downward spiral it was in and it took my mother down too. She was on strong medication for her multitude of issues and decided to get behind the wheel when I was six years old. Maybe my father feels that had it not been for me, he and my mum would have separated long before that and their lives would have been completely different. Mum might still be—’
‘Please tell me he’s not said that to you.’ Zafar felt his blood bubble beneath his skin at the thought.
A corner of Reshma’s mouth turned up as she looked his way briefly before turning back. ‘No, he hasn’t. But sometimes a person doesn’t have to say something expressly, do they? Their actions do the talking. He dropped me off at my maternal grandparents’ place,expecting them to take care of me. They lasted six months before telling him to come and take me back because I reminded them too much of the daughter they’d lost. I’ve not seen them since.’
‘Jesus. That’s … I don’t even have the words.’ He’d had no idea that her grandparents had done that.
‘Yeah, well. He tried for about a year and a half before Uncle Jawad stepped in. Over the years, he would often say that when the time was right, he’d take me back, but … well, here we are.’ Her matter-of-fact tone belied the depth of hurt he knew she must be feeling. Christ, the depth of hurthewas feeling was so intense, he couldn’t even begin to imagine what hers was.
