Page 104 of The Boy I Loved
I wasn’t sure how long I’d been in bed for. It had to have been over twelve hours. My tears had dried on my puffy cheeks and my eyes were rubbed raw. He purposely provoked her so he could kill her.
I just didn’t understandwhy.
Then again, it was pointless attempting to understand a psychopath. That was the gist of what Stacy had told me, and I realized rather quickly she was right.
Even if he was ordered to do it, I seriously doubted that he was instructed to play the tape of her parents while committing the vile act. That was something else he’d willingly chosen to do. He wanted to torture her, and he did. Then, he continued to fuck her dead corpse.
If that wasn’t bad enough, I saw the excitement in his eyes. It was like something in him had snapped and the beast had taken over. The violence of it all turned him on.Torturingher turned him on.
My stomach twisted painfully with hunger, a low rumble emanating from it. I hadn’t eaten since last night and I was supposed to be in training now. I just couldn’t bring myself to go. If they wanted to punish me for my absence, it didn’t matteranymore.Nothingmattered. They’d kill us simply because they wanted to. It didn’t matter how much they claimed to reward good behavior and punish bad; it was all a lie. Tristan killed Emerson and Nia because he was bored of them. Dominic killed Stacy for … fun? I wasn’t really sure why he killed her, but she didn’t do anything wrong.
And those were just the girls I knew about. There were probably many more.
A sigh of despair fled my lips, and I rolled onto my side, staring at Stacy’s empty bed on the other end of the room. I never even got to ask her why she’d suddenly switched up on me the way she had. I didn’t think it mattered since that was the past and this was now, but now … I’d never know. It never seemed like the right time to ask anyway, not with everything going on.
Her parents’ words kept spiraling through my head on a constant loop. They missed her so much and just wanted her to come home. Her mom, Patricia, blamed herself for Stacy going missing. They were heartbroken.
I wondered if they’d do something similar to me—show me my parents’ tape while raping and murdering me. The thought sent a shudder through me.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t heard the door creak open. The only indication that I was no longer alone was my mattress dipping behind me. My heart leapt into my throat, and I clamped my eyes shut, not in the mood to deal with Tristan’s shit today. He was still pissed at me for choosing Mason and had only comforted me yesterday to piss Dominic off. Neither one of them had paid me any attention since.
“Hazel.”
My breath stuttered out, getting stuck in my throat. There was a time when his voice alone made me melt. Now, it terrified me.
There was nothing I had to say to him. He did what he did for whatever reason, and now he had to live with that. His warm handlanded on the dip of my waist, his thick fingers brushing over the small bit of exposed skin between my skirt and tank top.
“The silent treatment?” he asked with a hint of amusement in his tone, as if this was anything to joke about.
“I’m not in the mood, Dominic.”
He blew out a frustrated breath, withdrawing his hand. After a few moments of silence, he wiggled on the bed behind me and laid down, pressing his front to my back. The warmth of his body seeped through the thin fabric of my clothing, and I hated how much it still affected me. It was so normal and comfortable, especially when he draped an arm over my hip and tugged me flush against him, his hot breath feathering against the back of my neck.
I wanted to ask him why he did it, but it was pointless. Nothing he said would change the fact that it happened.
“I’m sorry I upset you,” he muttered. “It wasn’t my intention.”
My posture went rigid against his and I attempted to pull away, but he tightened his grip around me, holding me in place. “Upsetme?” I snarled. “What about what you did to Stacy?”
“It had to be done,” he replied simply.
Exasperation filled me. Who the fuck did he think he was to take a life as if it meant absolutely nothing? I wanted to tell him I hated him, that whatever we had before was long gone, but I couldn’t, because it wouldn’t be true. He might have been as horrible as his friends, but I knew him when he was pure and innocent. Whatever Clay had done to him really fucked him up, and deep down, I knew that didn’t excuse his behavior. It was scary to think that he could do anything to anyone, and I’d still be here, pining over the boy I’d once known as if he’d ever be that boy again.
“You’re so full of yourself,” I muttered, a new wave of pain slashing through my chest. He didn’t even sound like he was sorry.
“Maybe.” He pushed his crotch against my ass, rubbing his erection on me.
I squirmed away from him, trying to put more space between us, but just like before, he tightened his grip around me and continued his assault.
“You fucked her,” I accused.Rapedwas the accurate term, but I didn’t want to give him any more of a reason to dodge my comments. Knowing him, he’d focus on one thing I said and create an entirely new argument, simply to avoid the current one. He did that when we were kids, too.
“And you fucked Tristan,” he countered, driving his hips against me again.
Rage punched through me viscerally. “Heassaultedme,” I defended, astonished that he’d claim it was consensual in any way, shape, or form. He knew I didn’t have a choice.
“And you told him not to stop,” he snapped, finally stilling his movements. “He gave you an out and you fucking begged him to keep going.”
My stomach twisted into a series of knots and not because of the hunger pains this time. He was right. Tristan did tell me he’d stop if I wanted him to, and I asked him to keep going. Tears pricked at the corners of my raw eyes, my chest feeling oddly hollow and heavy at the same time. I tried not to dwell on it too much after it had happened, not wanting to even think about it. But now that Dominic was pointing it out…
