Page 70 of Big Island Sunset
“I’ll eat in a minute. I was just about to feed your brother.”
“Okay.” Jun poked at the stew uncertainly, looking a bit green.
“Do you want a ginger ale?”
“That would be great,” she said with relief, setting her bowl aside.
Fern popped the cap off of a bottle of ginger ale and joined Jun at the table.
“Thank you.” Juniper took a long drink and let out a breath, her shoulders relaxing. She took a cautious bite of the stew.
“I was so sick my first trimester,” Fern remembered. “Both times.”
Most of her attention was focused on getting food into Theo’s mouth, and she wasn’t fully aware that she had spoken aloud until Juniper replied.
“I didn’t know you had kids.”
“I don’t,” Fern said softly. “They didn’t make it.”
The blood drained from Juniper’s face, and her hazel eyes went wide.
In that moment, Fern could see that Juniper truly wanted this baby. It wasn’t just childhood trauma or teenage stubbornness. Jun loved this baby as much as Fern had loved her own. She immediately felt guilty for saying anything at all.
“Sorry. I shouldn’t have—“
“No, I’m sorry. That’s horrible. But you shouldn’t feel like you can’t talk about it just because…” She paused and put a protective hand on her belly. “They deserve to be remembered, I think. Your babies. Some of the books say not to tell anybody until you get to a certain number of weeks, but that seems so weird to me. Like, how can people support you if they don’t know what you’re going through? Even if the worst should happen, are people just supposed to grieve in secret? I don’t get it.”
Fern nodded. She blinked back tears and focused on feeding Theo, too emotional to respond right away.
“Not that you have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Juniper said softly. “I just mean… I don’t know. It’s easier for people to be kind if they know what you’re going through.”
“Everyone has their own burdens to carry. It’s why I always try to be kind. I don’t always manage it, but I do try. The guy who cuts me off in traffic or the woman who gives me a dirty look at the grocery store… we have no way of knowing what’s happening in their life, what they’re carrying.”
Juniper nodded thoughtfully. They were quiet for a while as Juniper worked her way through the bowl of stew and Fern spooned Theo’s lunch into his mouth bit by bit.
“How’s my dad doing?” Jun asked after a while. Her green-and-gold eyes demanded truth, not comfort or platitudes.
“I think that he’s coping really well, considering everything that he’s been through.”
“Is that a polite way of saying that he’s less of a mess than he could be?”
Fern’s mouth twisted into a wry grin. “I guess so.”
“Why are you with him?” Jun asked.
A jolt of shock went through her chest at the forthright question.
“I just mean… you’re gorgeous. You’re smart and kind. Couldn’t you find someone who’s… less of a mess?”
“We can’t always choose who we fall in love with,” Fern said slowly, “or the timing. Real life is messy, more often than not.”
“You love him?”
Fern winced.
“Have you told him?”
“I don’t think he’s ready to hear it.”
