Page 122 of Knot All is Crystal
FORTY-SIX
I’m broken.
That’s the only explanation.
A toy with its wings torn off.
I have been sitting on the floor of my closet, wrapped in a towel, for twenty minutes, staring at my clothes on the shelves.
To get dressed, I have to choose underwear. And once I select underwear, then it’s shorts, and then a shirt.
That’s three decisions, just to no longer be naked.
It’s too many decisions to make today.
I had a set last night atAche, this up-and-coming fetish club that just opened up in downtown Lunarcrest. It was packed, with patrons dancing and writhing throughout the entire facility. I left right after my set.
I was intrigued by the furniture and shibari demonstrations, but I didn’t have much time to explore the club’s offerings.
It was all too much for me. My nervous system must have been overloaded because I struggle to function today.
I’m not depressed. Mentally, I feel pretty okay, except I miss my Omega something fierce.
And there’s a certain Beta I’d like to see, too.
I’m unsure if anything will go further between me and Gage, but I like the goofy guy, and he was a good fucking kisser, and that’s all that matters at this point. We have plenty of time to figure it out from here.
“Mav?” Speak of the Beta. “Where ya at?” His voice snakes around my home, and I fleetingly wonder how he got in. “Your door was unlocked, dude. You can’t do that shit. I could be a murderer.”
“You’re not, are you?” I respond, still not moving from my position, locked on the floor.
“Not today. But probably soon.” A darkness in his voice tells me he’s not joking and makes me perk up a little. Before I can ask him who we’re killing, he darkens my closet door, leaning against the frame and staring at me. “Why are you on the floor?”
My face flushes with embarrassment, and I look down at my towel-clad body and become acutely aware of the water drops from my hair running down my back. “Uh, ah… I’m stuck,” I say quietly.
His face softens, and he squats down, eye level with me. “Can I help?” I nod slowly, and he grabs my hands to help me get to my feet. My towel falls, leaving me naked in front of the man I’ve got such confusing feelings for, but he doesn’t say anything.
“My mom was a drug addict,” he says quietly. “I didn’t know, at the time, what that was or meant, but a few years after she died, I overheard my foster parents talking about it, and things started to click into place.”
“I’m not high!” I insist.
He cuts me off with a smile. “I know you’re not. I think she used because she had a lot of trauma in her past, and she had some mental health conditions that were made worse by the drugs. I do remember periods of my life when she was sober, and even then, she had moments when she would get stuck. My older brother would help her off the floor and help her get dressed, and I didn’t realize at the time that he was too young to have to do that for our mom.” He reaches into one of my drawers and pulls out a pair of boxers, holding them out for me to step into. “She refused to get help and instead medicated with drugs. I’ve never known my father. I’m sure that he’s some drug dealer, and she traded tricks for a few hits of whatever her substance of choice was at the time.”
My stomach sours. Does he think of me like his mother? Like a burden? I try to yank myself away from him, and he captures my wrist. “I’m proud of you, Maverick. You stick to a solid medication routine and take care of yourself. You’ve not let your mental illness define you or overwhelm your life like my mom did.”
“It’s been hard,” I say thickly. “But my parents are incredibly supportive and have always worked hard to make sure I know that I am more than just my illness.”
“It’s obvious.” He pulls a shirt over my head, his hands lingering on my arms. “But yeah, I tell you this because I’m proud of you, is all. I know we have not known each other long, but I am proud of how hard you work to stay well.” My eyes start to sting a little. I didn’t know how much I needed to hear that. “But also,” he continues, snagging a pair of basketball shorts and holding them up for me. “It’s okay to have moments when you need extra help. If it’s too heavy, let me carry it for you for a while. That’s what a pack does, right?”
I wrap my arm around his shoulders and pull him tightly against my chest. He grunts in surprise but returns that hug, not letting me go until I slacken in his arms. “Thanks, Gage,” I say quietly. “I didn’t know I needed that.”
“It’s no hardship to see you naked,” he quips. His eyes widen, and his face turns beet red, nearly obscuring his freckles. “Oh fuck, that was…” he takes a few steps backward, nearly tripping over the mess on the floor of my closet. I guess when there isn’t a pretty Omega begging for attention, he gets a little shy. “Wow, I… sorry that was…”
He went from confident and sure to a bumbling schoolboy in two seconds, and it’s so endearing that I step with him, crowding him against the wall. “No need to apologize, but if you want to see my cock you could’ve just asked. It is my turn for show and tell, after all.”
His Adam’s apple bobs as he gulps, and it looks like he’s fighting for his life to keep his eyes above my waist. Not only has he successfully broken me out of my executive dysfunction freeze, but he’s woken up my libido with just a single sentence and his adorable blush. Our bodies are so impossibly close that only a sheet of paper can fit between us, and blood rushes to my cock at the idea of having him at my whim.
Gage’s mouth falls open, and his breathing speeds up, his hips canting forward to make contact with mine. I can feel his hardness against me, and it threatens to bring me to my knees.
