Page 153 of Knot All is Crystal
It’s not self-deprecation if it’s the cold, hard fact.
There is blood on my hands that shouldn’t be there.
And now it’s on hers, too.
I was supposed to take the burden of killing Kieran. It wasn’t supposed to be her.
She shouldn’t have to live with those nightmares.
With the stain that won’t wash off.
But I couldn’t protect her.
I’m never putting her at risk again.
“Alpha?” Her voice is scratchy from sleep. She climbs off of Manny, who smiles and kisses her forehead. She doesn’t waste any time and shuffles over to me. “You came.”
I give her my half-drunk water bottle. She downs it almost immediately. “Of course I did. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
She hums a happy tune and crawls into my lap, kissing the curve of my neck. Over her shoulder, I watch Manny climb to his feet and pull on his boxers. “Gage and Mav are making food,” I say to him. He shoots me a thumbs up and slips out of the nest, leaving us alone.
“Did I tell you what you smell like?” Her words are slurred like she’s had a couple of drinks.
“No, I don’t think so. If you did, I don’t remember.”
“Fresh cut grass and sunshine.” She sits up, grabbing my face in her hands. “Summers playing in the backyard. Chasing Hannah around and hunting for Easter eggs on the fourth of July.” My Omega presses a kiss underneath my eyes, one at a time, and then on the end of my nose. “Pure, unending joy.”
Joy.
My chest aches.
How can I be that for her when I don’t know if I’ve felt pure joy like that since Monica died?
“You smell like the shortbread cookies my sister became obsessed with after watching a stupid cooking show.” A sob I didn’t know I was suppressing escapes me. “I didn’t realize I was missing it until I smelled you. She would’ve loved you, Crystal. We never would have had a moment alone because she would’ve been up our asses all the time.”
She laughs as she gently wipes my tears from my cheeks. “You’ll have to tell me all about her when I’m not naked.”
“Fuck,” I laugh, “I kind of forgot.”
“Me too. Hey, Puck?”
“Yeah, Queenie?” The nickname slips out of habit. I wonder if she hates it and will ask me to stop calling her that.
She doesn’t.
“I don’t think I’m in heat.” She burrows into my arms, and I squeeze her tightly against me. “My body temp from the heat spike may have burned off the fizz. I don’t think it worked.”
My heart sinks at her proclamation. I think she’s right. She hasn’t been behaving as an Omega in heat or even as desperate as she has the two times I’ve seen her on fizz. It means I’m not going to get to feel her in my chest.
She’s going to have time to change her mind.
Which she deserves, but fuck, I was looking forward to wearing her mark.
“I think you’re right,” I eventually say, trying to hide my disappointment. Her skin isn’t even fevered anymore.
“Hey, Puck?” she says again.
“Yeah, Queenie?”
