Page 42 of Knot All is Crystal
He begins loading his items onto the belt, sneaking glances at me as he does it. “Still, I’m sorry about it. How’s the piece healing?”
I ghost my fingers over my thigh. “Well, as always. You’re great at what you do.”
For four years, Gage has been a soothing balm on my pain without knowing it. Every time Kieran forces his bond on me, branding me and my skin and making me uncomfortable living in it, I get a tattoo. A way to reclaim my body. A way to mark every time he tries to force his will on me.
Every time he tries to take away my autonomy.
I wonder if he hopes that one day it will take, or I’ll slip up and let him bite me when I’m in early heat.
I would kill myself before I tied myself to him for the rest of my life.
“You ever consider coming and seeing me outside your regular schedule?” Gage asks, shaking me out of my depressive spiral.
I shift awkwardly from foot to foot as shame heats my face. “Ah, no, I can’t afford anything more. I have to scrimp for the ones I get as it is.”
“I don’t think I know what you do besides that it’s something medical.” Gage ignores the attempt at flirting from the cashier and does not even look as he swipes his card. I unload my basket under his intense stare.
“I work at the Design Clinic as a research assistant, currently focusing on chronic pain patients.” Do I tell him about Prism? What if he shows up to see me or finds out who I am?
No, I’ll keep that to myself.
“Wow, that’s pretty impressive.” He pushes his cart to the side, leaning against it as he talks to me, even though he’s paid and checked out.
“Hopefully, one day, I can return to school and get my doctorate, but I don’t think it’s in the cards. I still haven’t paid off the Academy or secondary school.” The cashier tells me the total, and I count out the cash. There are a lot of singles from my tips last night. I angle my body in hopes of hiding it from Gage.
“How did I not know you were an Omega Academy girl? I feel like I should’ve known that.” His voice has a teasing lilt, and he bumps his shoulder into mine.
Snorting, I gather my bags and leave the store with him by my side. “I don’t exactly fit their image, do I? You certainly won’t find me on any recruitment pamphlets.”
I was never pretty enough for the Academy. I’m too plain, too thin, too ‘alternative.’ They wanted me in dresses and pearls, and I did it because I had to, but it was never what I felt comfortable in.
It’s not that I don’t like my body or how I look. It’s just that I didn’t fit the “Perfect Omega” ideal perpetuated in the media at that time.
I was unlucky enough to be a young Omega when Nora Summers was presented to the world as the Perfect Omega. Of course, now we know the darkness surrounding that title, but I resented her so much back then.
How could I compare to her, with her curvy body and soft, gentle nature? My curves are nearly nonexistent, and I have been called abrasive all my life.
In some ways, the Queen is the closest I’ve come to presenting the personality the Omega Academy always wanted for me.
But I don’t unload all of that on Gage.
“They hate me because I refuse to go to their socials to find a pack. I don’t want one. I guess someone kept requesting that I go to the socials, and it looked bad that they couldn’t get me there.”
“Why don’t you want a pack? No judgement,” he adds quickly. “Just curious.”
I’m ashamed of the busted car that Gage is watching me load my groceries into, but I’m not keen to end the conversation yet. It’s the first time I’ve been able to chat with him without being wrapped up in grief and pain from the forced bond.
“Well, I should caveat it and say I didn’t want one. Never pictured myself with one. But I met my scent match at work last week, so…” I sigh, running my fingers through my hair. “He’s a nice guy, and I’m going to try to get to know him. But I worry that having an Alpha will make my life harder. I hate how controlled Omegas are. I already have a guardian assigned to me, and some people don’t want me to make decisions for myself. Shit, some businesses won’t serve me unless my Beta sister is with me. I’m not trying to sign up for a life of being controlled by an Alpha who may or may not have my best interest at heart.”
Not that I think Emmanuel is like this at all. From our conversations, he’s more likely to request I take control of situations rather than snag it himself.
Of course, this all ignores the fact that if Kieran finds out I’m with another Alpha, the chance of their untimely demise increases tenfold.
“That makes a lot of sense. It’s kind of why I’ve never dated an Omega. I didn’t want to be pushed out by an Alpha who decided they didn’t want to share.”
My chest twinges a little at Gage’s words for a reason unbeknownst to me. It’s not that I’ve ever thought Gage and I would date, but I never considered that he would write me off entirely. That I would lose a chance I wasn’t sure I’d ever be ready to take.
I kept a fantasy that one day, after my bond faded for the last time, I would come to him, and he would give me one final tattoo to celebrate my freedom and pull me into his arms, confessing his desire for me.
