Page 49 of One for the Money
“Omegas aren’t a monolith!” the big Alpha replies. “You need to get over this.”
“You’ve changed your tune on her real fast. What caused that?” I take a couple of steps towards him. “Did you get your knot squeezed or something?”
Jude stumbles backward, shock on his face that has my stomach churning.
What the fuck am I doing? This isn’t me. I’ve never been this hateful before. I don’t actually think he slept with the doctor. Jude wouldn’t cross professional lines like that.
But since she arrived, I’ve been so fucking cynical that maybe I need to accept that this is me now. This is who I have become.
Because if I am only a good person in the vacuum of this circus, maybe I’m not as good as I thought I was.
“That was a shitty thing to say, Dex,” Dario says quietly.
I run my fingers through my hair. “Yeah, it was.”
However, I’m unsure if I can overcome my own shortcomings and correct my behavior anytime soon.
Chapter 18
The days go by rapidly,and turn into weeks. Various towns, big and small, pass by outside my trailer window. Before I know it, I’ve been here two months. I start to grow more comfortable with the cast and crew as they pop in for minor injuries and illnesses, and I spend some time with them doing yoga and playing cards.
But there really isn’t much to do, and a lot of the troupe’s time is taken up practicing and performing, so most of the time I stay in my trailer. Every time there is a knock on the door, I expect it to be Quinton wanting to hang out again, but he doesn’t come back.
I try not to read into it.
I know now that the show is incredible, but I haven’t gone back and watched it again after the disastrous game of truth or dare.
I’m a little embarrassed at how quickly I fled from Dario’s exaggerated moans and groans after the performance I watched. An uncomfortable amount of arousal rushed through me at the sound, my mind beginning to spin with all the possibilities of being close to a man likethat. I had to run before I filled my panties with slick. My suppressants don’t stop that from happening, and I’d rather not be turned on in a room of men I’m attracted to.
Despite the dangerous acts that are performed in Cirque de Mordu, I haven’t dealt with any major injuries. Shockingly, I haven’t had to stitch up Quinton yet with the body suspension he does, but apparently it’s safer than it looks.
There has been a concerning outbreak of gonorrhea among the Betas, as well as several upper respiratory infections, a sprained wrist, and multiple cases of the flu that I’ve had to treat.
The latter of which is why I’m puking my guts up into my tiny toilet. Even doctors are not immune to the flu, and I assumed that treating patients in my trailer was likely to make it difficult for me to stay healthy.
I was proven right if the retching I’m doing is any indication.
I pull myself into my nest, barely able to keep my eyes open. It’s been three days of this, and I haven’t been able to keep down more than a few sips of water. Luckily, no one has needed me, because I can’t even take care of myself right now, much less someone else.
It’s only a matter of time, though, before something happens and I’m dragged into work. I can only hope I’m better before that happens.
I did text Jude and let him know I was out of commission for anything except extreme emergencies. Even though I worry that I won’t be very useful in those situations, at least I can triage and communicate the correct information if paramedics need to be called.
I can vaguely hear the crew outside the trailer, shouting about how it’s time to hook up the caravan and head to our next stop.
That’s fine by me. Gives me more time to rest and recover. They know by now that I never ride in the cab for transport. I much prefer the comfort of my nest. The swaying of the trailer while being transported should lull me to sleep, and hopefully, this time, it’ll be restorative.
Maybe when we get to our next town, I’ll feel better. I could use some scenery other than my nest, even though it is comfortable as hell and I’m obsessed with every piece in it. Shopping for it with Quinton and Matteo was a lot of fun. It was the first time I felt like my nest was what I wanted it to be. Previously, with Rich, he heavily dominated the process, and I felt like I had to go with his choices. It bothered my Omega, but I sucked it up.
Now my nest feels safe. Like the secure, calming space it’s supposed to be.
The fever that has taken over my body has made my dreams nearly unbearable the past few days, digging up memories I hoped would never be unearthed again.
I don’t know why I thought they’d say away.
I’ve never been lucky.
“I just don’t understand,”I tell Rich in the car on the way home from our anniversary dinner. “When did you form a pack?”
