Page 66 of Teacakes & Tangos
Xander was a good man. Caring. Responsible.Law-abiding.Not at all like his brother, Freddie.
‘There’s no need for you to feel guilty about Dad,’ I murmured, standing up and going over to hug him. ‘All you’ve ever done was therightthing. It’s Freddie who should carry the can, not you.’
‘You really mean that?’ He stood up himself, gazing sadly into my eyes, searching for confirmation that I forgave him.
I smiled up at him, tears in my eyes. ‘Of course I do. You’re a lovely, honourable guy and I’m so glad we... reconnected.’
He nodded, looking relieved. ‘Me, too. It might just have been my best day ever when I bumped into you on the high street after your disastrous no-show date.’
Glad to see the hint of a smile on his face, I gave him a sideways look. ‘Best day ever, eh?’
‘One of my top three, definitely.’ He gave a heavy sigh and ran both hands through his dark hair, making it stand up on end. ‘So what are you doing just now? Have you eaten?’
‘Er, no.’
‘Fancy going over to Carlo’s and grabbing some food?’
I hesitated. ‘Well... actually, I need to phone Lyndsay. She decided to go to the police about the photo, thinking it was you. And I’ve been waiting to hear from her.’ I shrugged. ‘Obviously, the police will already know the photo is of your brother, notyou. And Lyndsay will be as confused as I was. I’m assuming she won’t have known you have a twin called Freddie, either?’
He shook his head. ‘I don’t talk about him to anyone these days. It’s sad, but there it is.’
I swallowed. ‘So anyway, I need to phone Lyndsay. But also... I’m really quite tired. I think I need an early night.’
Xander nodded and pulled me into a hug. ‘Get a good night’s sleep. And maybe we could meet tomorrow? To talk some more?’
I nodded, breaking away from him gently and smiling up at him.
When I waved him off a moment later, Xander seemed to be in good spirits. I could tell a weight of guilt had rolled off his shoulders because I’d forgiven him.
Not that I thought he needed forgiveness. He’d acted perfectly logically and honourably. Xander truly was a good man.
But... that, in a way, was the problem I was facing just now.
Retreating inside, I shut the door and leaned back against it, a feeling of hopelessness weighing me down.
Xander’s story about his twin brother should have lifted me up, out of the panicky confusion I’d felt when I’d thought Xander himself was a criminal. I should have felt full of joy, knowing Xander was the kind, caring, funny man I’d always thought he was.
But instead, all I felt was this horrible queasy uncertainty.
Xander had said one thing in particular that had made me stop short and think maybe I’d got everything wrong about our relationship.
Ever since I found out that was actually your dad in that hospital bed, I’ve been trying so hard to make it up to you.
Those words kept echoing around inside my head, even as I was still talking to him – and especially now that he’d gone and I was alone and had time to think about what he’d said.
He’d beentrying so hard to make it up to me.
I knew Xander liked me, but my own feelings for him ran far deeper than ‘like’ and I’d been hoping so hard that he felt the same. I’d assumed that all his little kindnesses – treating me to an expensive night at the ballet, driving me everywhere to save me petrol, buying me coffees and cakes – were because he liked me.Reallyliked me. It had made sense to me at the time, his overwhelming generosity.
But now I wasn’t so sure.
Because what if they were purely the actions of a man consumed with guilt? Because his brother was the reason my dad ended up in a coma?
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
I couldn’t stop thinking about what Xander had said.
I’ve been trying so hard to make it up to you.
