Page 95 of Forbidden Billionaires: Vol. 2
But the worst part was that nothing seemed to be able to wake James up. Nothing.
Rob couldn't bury the DNR. The hospital had gotten it this morning. I had told James' doctor that I wanted her to disregard it. She had explained to me that she always has to do what's in her patient's best interest. But I didn't understand. How could it be in his best interest to leave this world? When he was finally happy? When we were finally allowed to be happy? And what the doctor didn't realize was that if James died, I'd die too.
It hurt so much, I couldn't even think straight. And the longer James lay there, the worse I felt. I couldn't eat. I couldn't keep going without him. I just couldn't.
I let the tears run down my cheeks.
I felt so ashamed. I should have been stronger for the baby. But I couldn't be. Not without James. He was the only reason I was still breathing. And when he stopped, I knew my heart would too. I was nothing without him. I was weak. Because there was no me without him. There couldn't be.
Devotion - Chapter 26
Wednesday
I woke up in the middle of the night freezing cold. I was hunched over in the chair beside James' bed, curled up in a ball. My eyes blinked in the darkness. The only light in the room was the medical equipment and the moon shining in through the windows.
I felt like I needed to throw up again. But I didn't have anything left to throw up. I was going to be a bad mother. Because I was selfish. Because I didn't know how to live without James. And every day that passed it seemed more likely that I'd need to.
The beeping was all I could hear in the room. The constant beeping. The beeping that was slowly driving me insane.
I wrapped my arms around myself and stood up. Despite how cold I felt, that wasn't why I had woken up. I was dreaming of our wedding night and what could have been. I let a small smile unfold on my lips. I pictured his hands on me, whispering that I was his wife. And he had let me slowly take off his tie and tuxedo jacket. I had unbuttoned his shirt and found his tattoo. His wedding present. The present I had completely forgotten about.
I glanced at the door. No one was going to come in right now. I needed to find it. I needed to see his gift to me. I slowly climbed onto his bed and lay down beside him.
He didn't smell like James. He smelled like the cheap shaving cream they had let me shave his face with and the soap I sponged him with. I ran my fingers down the scruff that was alreadyforming on his face again. I wanted to kiss him, but there was a tube down his throat. Instead I gently ran my index finger across his bottom lip.
"Wake up, James. Please. You promised you wouldn't leave me. You told me this love was forever and always."
Nothing.
Every time he didn't respond, it killed me a little more inside. I slowly pulled down the front of his hospital gown, revealing tons of wires attached to his chest, monitoring his heartbeat. The tattoo wasn't on his chest. I kept pulling.
First I saw the bandage on his ribcage. Where they had fixed his punctured lung. I gently kissed the bandage. Then I saw the larger bandage on his stomach, the evidence of his ruptured spleen. I gently kissed the second bandage. But there was no tattoo.
I had the strangest feeling that maybe this wasn't James. Maybe this was some imposter, and James was somewhere happy and healthy. Somewhere away from me. Somewhere where no one would try to hurt him. But I knew that wasn't true. I knew every contour of his six pack. I knew the line of his happy trail.
I tried to swallow down the lump in my throat as I pulled the gown down his arms. There was the bandage on his arm. Stitches. I should have been counting my blessings, not my husband's fatal wounds. All three, so close to his heart that it broke mine even more.
Again, there was no tattoo. Where was it? I moved his arm slightly and looked along the inside of his bicep. And that's when I saw it. On the side of his chest, hidden by his arm. Because it was personal. It was only for me to see. Because he was mine and I was his.
"James." I ran my finger up and down the pulse of the tattoo. "You promised me forever. Getting married was supposed to be our new beginning. Not the end." I was choking on my words. "It's too soon! You have to wake up. I need you. I need you!"
I splayed my hand on his chest. "Wake up! You have to wake up! I need you. Baby, please, I need you." I pressed the side of my head against his chest. I needed to hear his heartbeat. I needed to know he was going to be okay. "Please, James. You promised. Please don't leave me like this. Please don't leave us."
And that's when I saw it. His index finger moved.
Devotion - Chapter 27
Wednesday
"It's not like you see in the movies," the doctor said. "It takes a long time to come out of a coma. Give him time. Keep talking to him. And you need to eat something."
It took me a second to realize she was reprimanding me. "Yes, absolutely," I said.
"Penny, I meant now. You're not doing James any favors by starving yourself and your baby."
I stared down at James' face. He was going to wake up. He was fighting to come back to me.
"His mother and father have requested to come see him. Maybe head down to the food court and get some breakfast?"
