Page 35 of Drag You Down
How had Gabriel gotten into the building? I always make sure to lock the building’s front door now, and even Father Zachariah has impressed upon everybody that we need to be more vigilant and make sure our doors are locked to outside threats. Nobody wants a repeat of the fire alarm incident.
“It’s a gift box,” she says. “There’s nothing on it, no note or anything.” She starts to unwrap it.
I get up and cross the room, my heart racing. As much as I want to snatch it away from her and refuse to let her open it, I’ve already been acting suspicious. Too much more of that, and she might end up reporting to Father Zachariah after all.
It’s another slender jewelry case with the same logo as last time. She opens it, and inside is a silver necklace with a small crucifix. It’s surprisingly simple, with a thin chain, and the crucifix is unadorned.
It is absolutely beautiful, and my fingers itch to take it.
“Who’s sending you jewelry?” I ask Eve with a shaky voice. “Father Zachariah?”
“Levi…” she replies, not sounding better off than I feel. “This had to have cost a fortune. Father Zachariah wouldn’t have spent that on a necklace.” Her eyes find mine, searching, and my breath catches because it feels like she can see right through me. “Tell me the truth, Levi. Then you can repent. We can go to him together,” she pleads.
I snatch the necklace away from her and shake my head. “There’s nothing to talk about, Eve. If you don’t want it, I’ll take it.”
What am I doing?
My voice doesn’t even sound like my own anymore.
I am the corrupted version of myself, the one that covets things and people and has forgotten that Father Zachariah only looks out for us. I should want to confide in him, so that I can cleanse my soul of these terrible thoughts.
Eve recoils, and she takes a step away from me. “I think I should go,” she says, her own voice wobbling. “Ruth… needs help with the baby.”
“Yes,” I hear myself saying.
I clutch the necklace tight in my hand, the delicate silver digging into my palm.
Eve meets my gaze, and I know I’ve hurt her.
“Wait,” I say, and I hold the necklace out to her. “I’m sorry. Take it. Give it to Ruth.”
It’s mine, my mind shouts, but it’s only a necklace. I don’t need material goods.
I’m above all of this.
“No,” she says. “This is wrong, Levi.” Her eyes dart between me and the door. “You should go to Father Zachariah. He can… He can sell this, and we can buy more food.” She looks so pleading that my heart threatens to crack open.
“Okay,” I tell her.
She doesn’t look like she believes me.
“I will. Right now,” I tell her.
I feel sick.
Eve nods. “Levi… If you don’t tell him, I will.”
The betrayal that slams into me is almost more than I can stand. I stagger physically like she’s dealt me a physical blow.
I know, in theory, that she’s only worried about my soul, that she doesn’t want either of us to end up needing to take even more penance by deceiving Father Zachariah.
It doesn’t make it hurt any less.
She turns and walks away, and this time, the door does close behind her, the creaky hinge the only thing announcing her departure.
I stare down at the crucifix, running my finger over the raised Jesus figure hanging from the cross. “Iesus Nazarenus, Rex Iudaeorum,” I whisper as I feel the INRI that’s familiar from every single crucifix I’ve ever seen. I know what it means. I know it’s meant to remind us of Jesus’s sacrifice, of his victory over death.
I want to know why he chose it.
