Page 32 of One Day and Forever
Alice couldn’t answer because she was staring straight ahead, trying to contain the tornado that was swirling in her head, scooping up every memory and everything she thought she knew, and then shooting it all out in different directions.
The photos of Morag and Cillian.
The scribbles on the back that showed their first date was in March.
The fact that Zac had mentioned his birthday was in October.
There were only two possible explanations: he was premature. Or Morag had slept with someone else before she met Cillian.
If the first was true, then why would he be questioning the date his parents met? Surely he would know if he’d arrived early?
And if the second option was true, then who had Morag slept with? And why hadn’t she shared that with Alice? They’d told each other everything. Absolutely every blooming thing. At least, she’d always thought that they did. But then… another realisation dropped into her consciousness. Morag must have been pregnant when she left for Ireland. Why hadn’t she said anything? Or, like Alice, had she not been aware of it, even though she would have been a few months on? Morag had been a tiny size eight back then – maybe she’d just been one of those women who didn’t show until later in their pregnancy, and didn’t even realise they were pregnant until the baby was practically there? Alice’s mind was whirling as she struggled to decide if that could be plausible. It felt like too much of a stretch. Morag was always way too switched on about her body to have missed that. Surely, she had to have known, but again, why would she have kept that from her? Unless…
Every synapse of her brain tried to prevent Alice from answering that question, despite the building blocks of coincidences that were piling up to a whole big pile of conclusions.
Morag’s sudden dislike of Larry.
Her decision to leave a job she adored and flee the country with a man she’d only just met.
Her warning to Alice at the airport. ‘He’s not who you think he is.’
Her disappearance from Alice’s life.
Maybe if it were just those things, then she could sweep it to one side and tell herself that she was being crazy. But there were two other vital pieces of evidence that were difficult to ignore.
The note. What was Morag apologising for?
And then, the final brick in that wall. It had only fallen into place when she’d registered the connections of all the otherfactors. But it really was unmistakable… When she looked into Zac’s pale blue eyes, they were so familiar to her.
And that was because they were the same shade and shape as the eyes she looked at every single time she gazed at her son.
The son who had exactly the same eyes as his dad.
‘Oh sweet Jesus, oh sweet Jesus, Alice! You’re hyperventilating!’ Val had one hand on the wheel and the other was clutching for Alice’s fingers. ‘Put yer head between yer knees. No! Don’t do that. This snow is coming down like icing sugar falling off a Victoria sponge and if I have to brake suddenly, you’ll end up in the glove compartment. Just close your eyes and breathe. Breathe. Nice and slow. That’s it. Hang on, I’m pulling over.’
‘No,’ Alice managed to gasp. ‘Just keep going. Please. Get us home.’ What was happening to her? Why couldn’t she breathe? Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Alice continued instructing her lungs to gulp in air for the next few minutes, until they were pulling into their street. Only when she could see the house at the end of the path did Alice feel her heart rate begin to slow, but her legs were still trembling as she got out of the car. If Val hadn’t been supporting her arm until they got through the front door and into the kitchen, then she wasn’t sure she’d have made it.
‘Sit there and I’ll get the kettle on,’ Val instructed, taking charge.
Alice put her head in her hands. On the day she’d left Larry, she’d resolved right then and there that she would never let him affect her life again, never allow him to hurt her, and now she had a very real feeling that she’d just taken a cannon ball to the heart.
‘I’ll be back in a minute,’ she whispered, before, on still shaky legs, she managed to go down the hall and climb the stairs to her bedroom. In the cupboard, she found what she was looking for– the suitcase that she’d kept with her for over a decade, the one that had concealed her escape fund when she’d been planning to leave Larry, as well as all her important documents, belongings and, most importantly, all her photographs.
Opening the case, she flicked through half a dozen photo albums until she came to the one she was looking for – life before she married Larry. It had been decades since she’d opened it, because she couldn’t stomach to see herself when she was young and optimistic, before a malignant narcissist had sucked the life out of her. She’d even considered burning it at one point, just as she’d torched every photo of her wedding day, and the years that came after it. But somehow, she’d felt the need to keep this chronicle of her life before she became Mrs McLenn. Her parents were in it, before Larry used the subtlest of coercive control to alienate them from her life. Her teenage and twenty-something friends were in it, before they were all cut out too. By the time she got married, all she had was Larry McLenn, and she’d been too blinded by love to see that’s what he’d wanted all along.
Tucking the album under her arm, she held on tight to the banister as she descended the stairs, still not confident her legs would hold her.
Back in the kitchen, Val already had the tea out and the biscuit tin open. It was like prescribed medication in this house.
‘You okay now?’ Val asked her, concern written all over her face.
Alice nodded. ‘I think so. Sorry if I terrified you, Val. It was just all a bit of a shock.’
Val did what she always did – tried to make everyone around her feel better. ‘Och, no need to apologise. My pal, Josie, once passed out in the front seat, because she’d accidentally eaten magic mushrooms. That was far more terrifying.’
Despite the shock of everything that had just happened, Alice felt the edges of her mouth curl up and the next thing, she was laughing and sobbing at the same time.
