Page 46 of One Snowy Day
Tanya. She looked different too. Her hair was shorter, still caramel blonde, but sitting just on her shoulders now. The old sweats that she used to change into as soon as she got home from work had been replaced by a matching cream knitted jumper and trousers, that looked so expensive they could only be cashmere. There were small diamonds in her ears and a huge rock on the third finger of her left hand. But, of course, it was the other difference that was most notable of all.
‘You’re pregnant,’ he said softly. ‘Congratulations.’
‘You didn’t know?’ He wasn’t sure why she seemed surprisedat that. ‘I’m eight months along. It was why I couldn’t come to your father’s funeral in Monaco. I thought Jason would have told you. I’m… sorry.’
Lachlan managed to hold the smile. ‘Nothing to be sorry for. I’m happy for you Tanya. Truly.’
‘Thank you.’
Silence.
‘Can I get you a drink?’
‘No, thanks.’
Silence. This was excruciating.
She raised her gaze upwards. ‘He’s up in the shower, but he’ll be back down soon. Have you got time to wait?’
‘Yes.’
More silence.
He knew he couldn’t sit here for that long, on opposite couches, a few yards and a million miles between them, so he was the first to break. ‘Actually, I’ll have a coffee if you don’t mind.’
Tanya’s relief was instant. ‘Sure. But the awkwardness of this is killing me, so why don’t you come talk to me while I make it?’ That was a flash of the old Tanya, the one he’d thought he’d spend his life with.
Tanya. The love of his life. Their future was the thing that Jason had taken from him that hurt the most. And Lachlan had let that happen.
After they lost the baby, Thomas, when Tanya was twenty weeks pregnant, they’d both been devastated. They’d cancelled their wedding, only two weeks away, knowing that they wouldn’t be able to celebrate anything for a long time to come. Tanya was broken by the loss and Lachlan would fall asleep at night and wake up at 2a.m. from a dream about the child he’d never know. The injustice of it would tear at his soul, make him angry, thendesolation would set in and make him want to push the world away.
Including Tanya. For some couples, he knew that grief pulled them together, but that hadn’t been the case for them. Lachlan had shut down, Tanya had retreated from him, and that had created a vacuum that had allowed his brother to do the thing he was best at – taking what he wanted.
Months later, after analysing it all with the benefit of perspective and hindsight, he’d seen that Jason’s feelings for Tanya had always been there. The way that his brother was always on his best behaviour when he was around her. The relentless charm. The attentiveness. The conversations he would initiate with Tanya at family gatherings. How had Lachlan somehow overlooked what he knew was true – that Jason only showed an interest in something when he wanted it for himself.
Maybe Lachlan hadn’t spotted the threat because Tanya saw Jason for what he was. At least, in the beginning. She’d been unimpressed by his wealth. Indifferent to his accomplishments. Incompatible with his relentless drive for success and control.
But then, as Lachlan had slipped further into the solitude of his own grief and wasn’t there to share Tanya’s, he’d missed the most obvious truth of all. When someone is lost and they’re offered a safe place to be, they’ll take it.
Jason became her safe space. When Lachlan was staying late at work because he couldn’t deal with the pain of their loss, Jason was the one who went to their flat to check in on Tanya. He’d listen to her. He’d say the right things. He gave her the support and the friendship that Lachlan had withdrawn.
It would be easy to blame Jason – and sure, Lachlan had no doubt that he’d known exactly what he was doing – but the truth was this was Lachlan’s fault. And that was the reality that hurt most of all.
Tanya hadn’t done anything wrong. There had been no tawdry affair. They’d hung on for almost a year, the gulf between them opening and closing, until they were too exhausted and drained to keep trying and she’d called it a day. Two months later, she’d phoned him to tell him that she had feelings for Jason and that they’d started dating. Lachlan had respected her honesty. And he’d wanted to kill his brother. But, instead, he’d just walked away. Dax had just been transferred to the London team, so Lachlan had agreed to go with him to work on his new property. As for everyone here? He’d turned his back on them all.
In the kitchen, he sat on a black suede bar stool at the long stone island, while Tanya made a coffee he’d asked for but didn’t want.
‘Are you good?’ she asked. ‘I heard you moved to London.’
‘I did.’
‘Like it?’ The raise of her eyebrows, the amusement at the corners of her mouth, told him that she already knew the answer to that. She was well aware that he wasn’t a city guy. They’d always talked about going out to live in the countryside when they had a family, and they’d already put their Glasgow flat on the market before they lost Thomas, with the plan to move to a more rural area.
‘As long as I stay out of the busy bits, I’m fine.’
That made her chuckle, and he had a twinge of pleasure in seeing her smile. After the trauma of what had happened, he’d wanted that for her, hoped she would find joy again. He just didn’t think it would be here or with his brother.
‘Babe, who are you talking to?’ Jason came in, wearing a T-shirt and joggers, bare feet, drying his hair as he walked until he saw Lachlan and stopped. ‘Oh…’
