Page 49 of Forbidden Bastard
Her mind raced. Was it possible that he’d realized they were rushing? “I see.”
He stood straight and smoothed out any imaginary wrinkles he might have created in his shirt. “Do you want to go over the wedding plans?”
Her gaze shot up as her body froze. This needed to end. She shook her head and said, “No. I’m sure they’re great.”
He placed his hands in his pockets and rocked on his feet. “Is there anything you want that might be special for you?”
The walls were closing in. Maybe she imagined it but soon it would be too dark. She waved for him to head to the door as she said, “Charles… walk with me to your private beach.”
Maybe outside she might find the right words to slow down so she’d think striaght. With fresh clean air.
She ignored the zip in her veins and stayed next to Charles. He was what she wanted; he embodied everything she'd ever wanted in a man.
They stepped off the patio and headed onto the small patch of beach he owned. He hesitated near the water and asked, “What’s going on?”
Her hair flapped in the wind. Her heart thundered inside her uncontrollably. If only she could slow time. But she couldn’t. Instead she took a deep breath and prayed she said things right. “I don’t know if we should be rushing. I’m having difficulty….”
He backed up a step. Maybe she should stop. But she couldn’t. ”First I wanted to stop the contract you made with my parents, and find you a bride other than me.”
His jaw tightened but he didn’t say a word. Her skin jittered but she stepped toward him, her hand on her heart. “Then I wanted to marry you because a matchmaker who was supposedly the best at finding true love said we were matched. Then she said you didn’t have much of an online profile and she wasn’t sure it worked which scared me because what if you aren’t my true love-”
He flinched. “So you don’t love me.”
She hugged her waist and wished she wasn’t so unsure. “I don’t know. I think I do, but everything has been so fast. I’m on an emotional rollercoaster right now.”
He took her hand in his and went down on one knee. “Sandi, I want to marry you because I don’t want to spend another day without you in my life. I love you but if you don’t love me… how can I change your mind?”
Love? The pang in her soul hit hard and fast. Wow. She wasn’t sure about anything including the electricity in her fingers as she tugged on his hand for him to stand. “I need time, Charles. I just need time. I want to just pull back, and see if what I feel is real.”
He stood but turned away from her. “Or is it because you hope another man will come for you?”
Everything inside her suddenly stopped zapping. For this second she was clear as she reached for his wrist and said, “Wait. What?”
He gently released himself from her grip as he said, “You've mentioned your ex, the doctor, and with holding back, I wonder…”
Too much. She licked the salt off her lips from the ocean's breeze. “I think Reza’s married now. I don’t keep track to know for sure, but--”
His eyes glistened. “But you loved him.”
Oh no. Reza hadn’t mattered. She never even thought about him. Her hands went to her sides as she said, “Past tense. He has no place in my heart now.”
He shrugged like he wanted to pretend everything was fine. “Waiting is hard.”
Sandi tensed as she asked, “Why? I’ve never made a good decision and now we’re talking marriage…”
His voice was low and the wind made his deep tones echo around her. “Because I think you’re going to leave.”
“I don’t want to leave.” At the palace she’d been besieged with stories about Charles and how he must have thought it was love with another. She followed him toward the door. “Charles, what about Sheena? From what I've been told, you convinced everyone you loved her and she avoided last night’s ball because you and I were going.”
He widened his stance. “What did they say?”
This wasn’t on her. If he was afraid she’d leave him, maybe that was what caused the buzz in her mind too. She stilled as she repeated exactly what she'd overheard in whispers at court, “That you publicly pleaded with her to divorce her husband, marry you, and then asked the king to annul their marriage. I knew this but I hadn’t really put together the extent that reached.”
He lowered his head and his cheeks blushed which she hadn’t expected. Her heart raced. This must be it. She refused to say anything and finally he broke the silence. “I did do that, but I wasn’t in love.”
Or it was, and he was rushing to marry her to avoid his own past. She shook her head. “You said it was to protect Clara but that seems… a bit much.”
His eyes widened. ”Sheena… if I’d been in love I’d have never noticed another woman, like I was… with you.”
