Page 54 of Forbidden Bastard
He took his wet t-shirt off and tossed it and his jeans on the ground, then grabbed cotton pants for himself and dry cotton pants and a white shirt for her. He lost his boxer briefs but tugged the pants on.
Sandi glimpsed his full length, wanting him, but it had to wait.
She sighed, but changed out of her wet clothes too. She kept her head down and ignored the sensation that he was watching her. It was probably her imagination, but she lifted her chin once she was finished and he nodded like she’d followed orders. “Okay," he said. "What’s on your mind?”
She met his brown eyes that seemed to read her soul. Did he know how her skin was awake and needing his touch? She lowered her gaze as she said, “Charles, I was panicked when I tried to postpone the wedding. I don’t trust myself in making a decision.”
He stepped back like she was taking up too much of his personal space, but then stopped. “Do you want to get married now?”
She looked up at him and said, “Only if… Charles, I love you.”
His entire face went white. “What?”
She winced. Sure, she deserved his doubt. She’d been so… crazy before. She crossed the room and took his hand. “I love you. I want to marry you if you still love me and we have a shot at being happy and in love, together. The second you called everything off, I understood that in letting you go I’d lose out on a lifetime of happiness.”
He didn’t pull away. In fact, his fingers wrapped around her palm. “An hour ago you didn’t love me.”
Sitting in the maze, alone, before the rain, she’d realized as she stared at a butterfly that fluttered as if searching for somewhere to hide that she too was hiding. She’d been just like that, most of her life, so afraid of her past that it clouded her judgments. But unlike the butterfly she wasn’t hiding from a storm. She was capable of making a decision. She was hiding from her own self. And if she ran now, she’d never actually have the right to be happy.
But the butterfly moment would be hard to describe. “I did. I do. I just needed… time. It’s hard to trust my emotions when all I ever do is make wrong choices…”
He let her hand go and turned away. “You don’t have to marry me because I brought you an umbrella.”
She caught his shoulder. “That's not it at all. Do you still love me?”
He turned toward her and his hand went to her lower back to steady her. “With every ounce of my being.”
All was not lost. Her skin buzzed. “Then please forgive me for being an idiot. I’ve never been the stable one in a relationship before.”
His brow furrowed. “I don’t understand.”
Was that his dead pan humor again? Maybe she’d stretched that line. Either way this time she believed in her decision and now she needed him to believe her. “Look, I chose the wrong guys for me. Ask my parents about every guy they’ve ever met with me. I had horrible taste… I loved the idea of your half-sister’s website before we even met because it would stop me from making my own bad choices.”
He let her go and stared outside toward the storm. “So I’m a bad choice.”
Once again… no. She’d not always say the wrong thing. Her life depended on now. Her face heated and she hugged her waist as she lowered her heels to the floor. “I also ramble. You are not. Please hear me out.”
“Okay.” He motioned toward chairs like this was a normal conversation.
Sitting wasn’t possible. She shook her head and stood without moving as she forced herself to hold his gaze. “So, when you told me we were matched by the best system known, I was like "woohoo" but then when Cassidy reminded me that it was always my own choice and nothing is infallible, I wondered how on earth we fit.”
He widened his stance. “What did I do to make you think that?”
She walked over to him and hoped he understood. She lifted her chin and said, “Nothing. It was all in my head and my fear of choosing the wrong person flared up. So much so that I back-tracked.”
He swallowed. “And I pushed.”
None of her fear was because of him. He was who her heart ached to be with and she'd scared herself. “This wasn’t you. It was me.”
He shook his head. “I was stupid.”
No. No. No. This was all her. She let out a sigh. “You put your heart on the line for me.”
Charles traced her skin and she ached for him to hold her and kiss her, forever. He said, “One of the things I love about you is that you’re smart and I never felt like I deserved a good woman in my life.”
No man had ever cared half as much. She ignored how her pulse quickened and said, “Sometimes I’m smart. Sometimes I’m stupid. And there is no deserve. I’ve always been a little bit of an airhead, but I hurt you. I should have told you I loved you when you told me. Fear held me back from realizing it.”
“What were you afraid of?”
