Page 49 of Wicked Cowboy
He swallowed like his words hurt him. “I’ve been afraid of living until I had no choice.”
Yet he was willing to marry a virtual stranger to ensure he’d give Chelsea a home and fulfill the wishes of our friend’s will. Then he flipped in the last hour.
I ignored the ache to hold him closer, but I asked, “Is that why you were willing to walk on out Chelsea too?”
He closed his eyes like he relived his past. “I was a complete jerk. I don’t deserve your forgiveness or kindness.”
If he wanted to marry me, I’d do it. Love was so clearly beaming out of my heart like a light for him. I’d never had this before, but I held that back. I wiped my face and hoped my emotions were hidden. “Look, let’s get Chelsea home. Tomorrow we’ll get your dad out and then we’ll figure out the rest of our lives.”
His intake of breath showed his shock. “You’re willing to do that?”
Heat rose in my face. It’s not like I'd had time to check into a hotel. I nodded. “Yeah.” And then I kissed his cheek even though I shouldn’t and then said, “Chelsea and your dad have been nothing but nice since I arrived.”
His face turned bright red as he said, “You don’t have to.”
I let him go and it felt like an old blanket enveloped me. My shoulders were heavy. “Believe me, I know.”
He asked, “Ridley?”
Here it comes. I braced my legs as I asked, “What?”
He caressed my cheek and, at first, the sensation caused my hair to stand on end.
He whispered, “You’re the best woman I've ever met.” I closed my eyes and expected the "but" to come. He kept his voice low when he said, “I’d have been honored to have you as my wife and I wish I could go back and stop myself for breaking it off.”
My eyes widened. He still wanted me? My mind raced. Maybe I was good enough for love, but I couldn’t grasp his meaning and just said, “Doesn’t matter now.”
Lies. Seriously? It mattered. He'd wanted me as his wife before, but the past didn’t matter.
Like he could read my mind, he said, “No, I hope it still does matter.” I listened closely, as he continued. “I blame myself for the death of my entire unit. I thought I didn’t deserve to be happy and I wanted to stop you from loving me.”
I set out a small laugh. Wow. My entire body was his for the taking, but I shrugged. “I’m sorry about your friends, but I think I loved you years ago from afar and once we were together… I was happy and I’ve never been truly happy.”
His gaze narrowed. “Why aren’t you happy?”
Now I had to be honest. “Because I’m invisible.”
He tilted his head and frowned. “What?”
I swallowed and let the truth come out of my mouth. “I’m not maternal, or a go-getter, or brilliant like my sister, Indigo. I’m not guiding people like Nicole. I’m used to sitting on the sidelines.”
His forehead pressed to mine. “Ridley Steel, you are worth more than the price of gold.”
I closed my eyes and memorized the smell of his woodsy cologne.
He hugged my waist. “You’re precious because you’re beautiful, together, and seriously the sexiest woman I've ever met.”
But he didn’t love me. He wanted to prevent the unstoppable. My feelings. I stepped out of his arms. “Well, that’s something...” I glanced at the screen and saw Hudson’s name flash. I pointed and said, “We should get back.”
He glanced at the TV screen, nodded, and I opened the door. We ran back to the room as a nurse left. I grabbed the chart, read he’d just received medication and showed Carter. Hudson was sleeping and Chelsea was curled in a seat. I tugged his arm. “We should get her in the car and home to her bed.”
“With you?” He asked like we hadn’t just decided this.
He hadn’t wanted anything to change. At this point, my feet were weary, but I said, “I’ll help tonight.”
He stepped in, kissed his father’s sleeping cheek. “Night, Pop. We’ll see you in the morning.”
He then headed to Chelsea, but Hudson mumbled, “Bring me fresh bread.”
