Page 50 of Honey Bun
She traced my muscles like she was memorizing me. “I never had that.”
I supposed milk with saffron was a Persian thing. I squeezed her palm gently. “I’ll make it for you upstairs. It always knocked me out.”
She smiled. “Must have been nice to grow up knowing someone had your back.”
Her words caught me off guard. I remembered how her father hadn’t wanted me near her. I swallowed. “Your father was protective.”
She shook her head but didn’t tense. “No, not really. There is a difference between having someone’s back and having power over someone. He’s the one that chose Bob for me and promised to never take me back, so Bob knew he had total control.”
My parents would never have done that. Maddie’s father had been mean-spirited when I was a teenager, but I’d taken that as an act born out of love. I didn’t know him beyond those moments when he’d insulted me.
I said, “My mother wanted to pick out my bride, but she hasn’t breathed a word about it since you came back.”
Her lids lowered. “I’m not bride material.”
“Don’t worry about her. She likes you.” I traced her arm. “Just think about who and what you want to do to help something bigger than yourself.”
She pouted as she gazed at me. “I don’t know.”
She was the love of my life. I needed her to see some of the spark she had. “You said you wanted to give back to the world.”
She cuddled closer and held me tight. “Just hold me, Arman.”
With her on my chest, I felt like I was whole. “Get some rest.”
“You too.”
A few minutes later, she dozed off. She trusted to have me in her bed. This was a better start than I’d hoped for.
Chapter Fifteen
Maddie
Three Days Later
Sunday morning had come and gone fast. Arman got a call that he needed to go to London for a meeting. He asked if I wanted to go, but I said no, claiming it was about Aurora. It wasn’t.
If I couldn’t please him, then I would never really know if he’d enjoyed himself. He’d said he enjoyed my company, but it was impossible to love someone who didn’t give back. The last two days at work, I’d toyed with the idea of just leaving. However, Arman’s nearness, my job, and my daughter’s joy kept me there. I had to face the fact that it was on me to get my life together.
When I came home from work the night before, I’d passed a flyer about meditation class that took place in the lobby of our building. It was free, and maybe meditation wasn’t a sin like I’d been told. So that morning, I walked my daughter to school and then came back. I rocked on my feet outside the lobby’s side room and then decided to just go for it and stepped inside.
Other women were sitting in chairs or on the floor. I wasn’t sure what I’d expected, but the class was mostly women with a few men around.
A woman with curly hair rose from a floor mat and waved me closer. “Come in.”
My skin burned. I glanced around and realized everyone knew each other. No one seemed sinful. I tensed. “I never meditated before.”
She pointed me to a chair. “Well, we all just want peace. You’re welcome to join us.”
My father and Bob would both have commanded me to leave. Arman wouldn’t. This was my choice. I decided to take the chair offered.
The curly-haired woman said her name was Charity and then told us to close our eyes. At first, I just listened to her voice, but Bob’s angry shouting vibrated in my ears. I flinched.
When Charity said to close the door and look up to the heavens, though, I shut out Bob’s memory. Then my shoulders were lighter. I controlled my breathing, and this time, it wasn’t just darkness I saw in my mind.
Charity guided us to take a shower in the clouds surrounded by angels. And then I let her lead me in my mind. Next thing I knew, she said to wiggle our toes and count backward.
The class was over. I didn’t feel evil. In fact, I was lighter. I waited to experience peace and opened my eyes.
