Page 8 of Honey Bun
I closed my eyes and wished I knew what being his was like.I bet his muscular body on mine would warm me.
“Mom, I’m not interested in dating anybody,” I said, not bothering to mention that I’d googled him and seen the beautiful women he dated. There was no way he would be interested in me in that way. We’d both changed.
This conversation was over. I took a step to head to the truck as my mother said, “You’re still married. You took vows, so straighten your life up first.”
My back was turned, so hopefully, she didn’t see me flinch. But Bob had taught me that words didn’t sting nearly as much as fists did. I sighed. “You know, he beat me. Do you not want me to find a way to be happy?”
“Of course I do,” she said, and I turned around. “You’re my daughter, but you have to clean one mess before you get in another one.” When she lowered her shoulders, it was like she let my father’s memory go.
My face was hot. “I need to figure out what’s best for me and Aurora.”
She came closer to me and squeezed my arm. “I… Madeleine. I should have spoken up for you years ago. Marrying Bob was a bad idea, and I regretted… never mind. I’m glad you and Aurora are safe at home with me now.”
I threw my arms around her. “That’s what you said that made me come.”
She hugged me, and for one minute, I forgot all the years I hadn’t seen her. As I let her go, she tapped my back and said, “And I’ll need your help cleaning out the garage.”
I saluted her and hopped into the truck. “I’m on it.”
The job offer on my phone burned through me, and I felt like I should sign right away, but my impulses were usually wrong. For years, I’d lied to myself and my daughter, but Arman was offering me the chance to fulfill my empty promises that our lives would be better soon. I hadn’t actually followed through on my gut instincts in years.
I made it to the store. A few neighbors from years before waved hello, and I cringed. Any of them might turn me in and ruin my chances of staying hidden from Bob. It was like I wasn’t really home. I hated crowds.
I finished the groceries, and as I loaded the bags into the truck, I saw Martha, Sven, and a small child who must be theirs, with blond streaks from his Viking-blood father. Besides Arman, Martha had been my only other friend not in my church, and it was clear she’d married the guy she’d gone to school dances with when we were all seventeen. Unlike me, she had a smile on her face and seemed bright and happy.
One day, maybe I would trust myself to make better choices. I steered clear of the three of them, as I was done talking about my life, and headed home. As I drove, I wondered what I would be like if I’d told my parents no about the wedding and run off to New York and Arman, where no one would have constantly criticized me.
My lips tingled as if Arman had just kissed me again. My arms even had goose bumps. I parked the car, put the groceries away, and checked my phone. Soon, I would have to text him. It was almost lunchtime, but I headed to the garage, as I wasn’t hungry.
I found my mom’s gardening supplies and started there. She loved making flowers bloom. Once I finished with her supplies, I headed backward and found an old trunk. I opened it and picked up some old canvases. The paintings were all designs from my heart. I hadn’t drawn anything in years.
I found a couple of drawings of party schematics. The other was the beach sketch. To hide the fact that this was a memory of kissing Arman in the private cove on his family’s property, I’d kept the piece abstract.
I put it back, spun on my heels, and closed my eyes. There was no music, but in my mind, I listened to the ocean, and I danced. Throwing my hands to my sides like I had a big finish to some number made me laugh. I spun fast.
Then I heard a knock. I stopped. It took a second for my gaze to focus, and then I met the warm brown eyes that made my toes curl.
He stood in the old garage doorway with light shining around him as if he were an angel. “Can you talk?”
I closed the trunk and headed toward him, sucking in my lips. “Did you just see me—”
“I watched you dance when we were kids, too, and you’re just as graceful now.”
My spine tingled as he brushed against my shoulder. I walked around him and headed out to the sun. He followed, and for a second, it felt like he was staring at my behind.
That was silly, though. When I met his gaze, he smiled at me. I said, “I’m not… it doesn’t matter. I’m happy you’re here. Let’s walk and talk.”
He walked me toward the street. “Is your daughter okay to be left alone for a while?”
Aurora was an independent girl who loved art, which I always secretly gave myself credit for, as Bob was more into rebuilding old cars. I rubbed my arms. “She’s reading another book, but let me tell her.”
I went inside and told Aurora I was going to ask about the job, and she waved me off. When I returned, light shone on Arman like he was perfection personified and had power over everything he ever wanted, including me. I waved off that thought.
“She’s hoping I take the job you offered.” Aurora wanted New York and her life as a city girl—not that I mentioned that, but she was my focus.
He winked and opened his car door. “Great. Hop in.”
The garage wasn’t done, but I reminded myself that this was for my future and slid into his leather seats. He closed my door, and a moment later, he sat down in the driver’s seat and started the engine, which purred.
