Page 13 of Handsome
I deliberately blanked my face and breathed slowly and deeply for a minute or two. When I was certain I could hold it together, I said, “Me too. Her and Elijah both… But we weren’t like you and your family. We weren’t… close.”
He drove back to the estate and, as we passed the gates, he said, “Well, our lives are changing. This afternoon we’ll have a dance class.”
I wasn’t designed to be anyone’s partner on a floor or in life. But I kept that to myself and asked, “Who's going to watch Joshua?”
He parked and said, “He can come. Music is good for all of us, I think.”
Right. If I was holding a baby, maybe my libido would stop wanting the impossible.
We got out, once again me letting myself out first. As he joined me, I said, “Cyrus, I like you, but don’t push.”
“I never push.” He said it like I’d offended him.
I shook my head and took a step toward the door, but glanced back at him as I said, “Somehow I don’t believe you, but it seems it's time to go in now.”
“One second,” he called.
I paused and turned back toward him. Part of me wanted to wrap my arms around him and throw caution to the wind, but I only gripped my hands at my waist as I asked, “What do you want?”
He stepped closer, and it was like he had the power to make the entire world disappear while he focused on me as he said, “I want you to trust me. I’m here for you.”
I reached out and rested my hand on his chest. I was tingling all over, but I gazed up, aching to kiss him or hold him tight. Either way, I knew we’d never do any of those things, so I said, “I like the idea, but trust takes time.”
He held me for a second while he said, “Just don’t shut me out.”
I looked down and stepped back, crossing my arms while I shook my head and said, “I’m not my sister, though I do know exactly how being shut out feels. We didn’t speak for five years until she needed my help.”
He stopped beside me and asked, “And you simply forgave her?”
For some unknown reason, the truth continued to spill out of me. I reached for the door handle to get away, but didn't get out while I said, “She was all I had, and it was nice, even for a little while, to have people who needed me, even if it was just temporary. Now let’s go in.”
With that I pushed open the door. I was only here for today, probably. What mattered was Joshua, not me, not Cyrus, not what I wished or wanted.
The truth was plain. We weren’t from the same universe, and I needed to keep reminding myself of that.
5
Sarah
Of course. I had to have my butt in the air right when Cyrus walked into my bedroom earlier… oh, God, the moment replayed in my mind like a viral horror story while I stared at him.
The dress was hopefully long enough to cover my butt, but I wasn’t sure as I made my way back upstairs to the nursery. His mother handed Joshua to me, and I held him close.
He smelled clean and fresh, and the warmth he shared with me filled me with joy.
Joshua had been the only purpose in my life for months now. I’d been avoiding living my own life, and then he needed me.
If we were alone, I’d have taken him out. I whispered as I cupped his head, “Joshua enjoys walks on the beach.”
Cyrus called out behind me, “You can write his singles ad when he’s ready, but let’s go to the beach.”
“Okay.” I whirled around, and his delighted smile made me all tingly. Every time I wondered what his kiss might be like, I went all achy with need and was absolutely not sad.
When he went to the closet and took out a baby carrier made to wear on his back, I asked, “You want to carry him in that?”
He nodded, all excited and proud of himself. “I’m wearing this.”
I narrowed my gaze as I rocked the baby. “To me they're more constraining than just holding him, plus it’s extra-hot on a beach, but if you want...”
