Page 34 of Handsome
She laughed and then said, “For a second there I was nervous that you wouldn't.”
I refilled our glasses, and we ate a few more bites. Then I whispered, “Sarah, you’re a kind woman. I don’t fully understand your family dynamics, but I’m glad you’re here with me now.”
She scooted toward me, and it was like she offered me the respite of normalcy I’d always craved. “I don’t understand yours, to be honest.”
Maybe if she knew more about me, she’d understand. I sipped my wine and said, “Don’t get me wrong. My brothers and I have had our share of arguments, but they're normally settled pretty easily. I’d do anything for any of them.”
She shook her head, but then finished her dinner. Once we were done, she said, “I don’t know what that’s like. But I've always dreamed of being in a family like yours, where caring isn’t based on what you can do for them.”
I cleaned up the rest of my potatoes and tossed my napkin on the empty plate before saying, “I can’t pretend to know what that’s like. The worst pain we felt was when Evan died.”
She sipped her wine and then gazed at me. “Who was Evan?”
My voice was low, but I understood how she felt far better than she realized. The air near her buzzed with intensity but I said, “He was an adopted brother, but he had brain cancer.”
“I’m so sorry,” she said, and stroked my face.
Her touch set me off. I wanted her in my soul. But I didn’t dare move as I said, “He was a funny kid. We all miss him.”
Her eyes misted like she felt sad for me, and she said, “So you do know what it’s like to lose a sibling.”
“Yeah, I do,” I said. I hadn’t meant to tell her, but not telling her would have been a lie.
With time, I hope she would want me as much as I wanted her.
14
Cyrus
Joshua cried, and since Sarah mentioned she hadn't been able to hold him in a few hours, rather than ask to hold him myself, I watched her cuddle my son, and the two of them stole my heart.
I’ve never wanted anyone as much.
I was about to go in and join them, but my phone rang. I answered the video call quickly while I headed back outside to watch the setting sun and asked, “Warren, what’s going on?”
“Mamanis planning a party for my birthday in two weeks.”
I smiled. Warren was at a precipice, and he wanted to quit our father’s company or at least take time off.
I knew the stress of worrying wasn’t worth it, but I wouldn't be able to convince him. I smiled and asked, “Are you going to tell them you’re leaving?”
“It’s time.”
Ding. Ding. Ding. It was exactly what I’d prescribe. I nodded and said, “They’ll understand you need time to find yourself.”
“I don’t want to hurt them.”
He sounded like we were still teenagers. I glanced behind me, into the ship where Sarah and my son were cozy together and said, “You can’t live without making the time to follow your dream.”
And I needed to follow that advice myself. Sarah took my breath away with her startling combination of blunt honesty and beauty.
“Will you explain that I’ll be back?”
The ship rocked as I told my brother, “I won’t help you in this. You’ll need to tell our parents yourself.”
Maman probably already knew, since she read us all faster than we understood ourselves. The door opened and Sarah beckoned to me like a lighthouse in a dark night.
Warren must have seen her because he asked, “Are you already on the ship with Sarah?”
