Page 58 of Handsome
True. I’d spent the morning making sure she was safe, and then the ride home was choppy, and my son never stopped crying.
The moment we kissed, my body heated.
I ached for her, but I wanted what she couldn’t give me… her heart.
She reached for my pants as we fell on her bed, but then I stopped her and shook my head. I was too wound up, so I said, “I love you. I can’t keep pretending like this. It’s not my nature.”
Tears glittered in her eyes, but it was like she understood. She cupped my face and kissed me again.
Then she removed the last shred of her clothes and brushed against my chest.
In her kiss it was like I found my home.
With her body on mine, I burned. I removed my pants and boxer briefs.
She opened her legs as I suckled on her nipples.
I was hard and ready for her in an instant, and she curled her fingers in my hair, clearly enjoying herself. But inside, my heart broke because she wasn’t ready to claim me as hers. She might never be.
I ignored it, grabbing a condom and, once it was on, entering her core. Once we found our rhythm, I stopped thinking about anything except her happiness. She cried out at her release, and I met her.
It happened so fast, but she spasmed, an aftereffect of her orgasm… but I wasn’t sure what I should do.
She closed her eyes and rested against me. Cuddling had once been a small victory in my mind, so I held her and tried to cling to hope in spite of the obstacles.
She sighed and then whispered in her sleep, “I love you too.”
The dam in my heart burst open as hope bloomed again.
34
Sarah
Tomorrow morning we’d see his family again, and I’d have to match his brothers’ names with their faces in more detail.
Hopefully no one would ask for too many details about what we’d been up to because I wasn’t sure what to say.
However, I didn't want to think about that too much now. Cyrus was still sound asleep in my bed, but I couldn’t sleep.
I needed to do something for him, because I wasn’t sure how to apologize for using sex to avoid discussing his feelings and our future.
My heart twisted, because, I needed to face the facts, that I was behaving exactly like my sister and mother after all.
Their blood was in my veins too.
The night air… or maybe my shallow breaths… only made me feel worse. Part of me wanted to just run away, fast. However, I rode out the storm inside until the sensation burned away. I’d never be like them on purpose.
Once I was sure I was fine, my mind focused on my task. His clothes, his food, and everything in his house already had staff assigned to do things for him.
So I paced and thought hard, and then decided I could at least comb through my sister’s things and find pictures of Joshua right after he was born and get an album to make this for him. He’d like that.
So I found my old phone and scrolled through.
It turned out I had a lot of pictures. I found sixty, and sent them all to my printing app.
The pictures wouldn’t necessarily make up for the fact that I'd been behaving exactly like my sister, who treated Cyrus like a toy. A disposable toy.
It was a start, though. I hated myself for breaking his heart.
